Three Times When It’s Actually OK for Parents to “Judge” Each Other

Jun 19, 2015 by

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I sometimes worry that by adopting this new parenting philosophy of practicing non-judgment toward other moms, we are forgetting about the other, equally bad extreme:  being so hesitant to express an opinion or take a stand on something, that we lose sight of our own values, worry needlessly that any innocent comment will come off as judgmental, and overthink matters that are just plain old common sense.

The reason for the scare quotes in the title is that I don’t believe the following situations are actually times when someone is judging us.  Rather, these are times when we as moms, trying to be non-judgmental and supportive, find ourselves conflicted between doing the right thing and making someone else comfortable.

1.     When a child is doing something unsafe.

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Don’t Be a Hero: Being OK with Being Average

Jun 5, 2015 by

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When my depression started to lift after starting a much-needed prescription, I came to the scary realization that certain aspects of my personality and outlook on life were driven by that altered state of mind.  Or rather, those aspects were a part of who I was until I started tinkering with my neurochemistry.

One of my most popular posts on here is about how much I hate cooking – not the act of meal preparation itself as a stand-alone chore, but the fact that it ate into my time and energy and involved more focus and coordination than I felt I could reasonably muster on a daily basis.  Do I still struggle with this?  Sure, somewhat.  But one night recently, I was pulling dinner together and realized that I felt … nothing.  Not gloriously blissful, certainly, but also not frustrated, exhausted, or overwhelmed.  Just … normal?  Is this what normal feels like?  I mean, if you love cooking, you may feel blissful while making dinner.  But if you think cooking is just ok or feel otherwise neutral about it, you will treat it as just another chore.  And you won’t usually be angry or depressed over it unless your brain is wired to trigger those emotions over the event.  That must have been what was happening to me before, because suddenly I am sort of ok with making dinner.

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I Cannot Emphasize Enough How Much Your Life Will Change with a Mother’s Helper

May 22, 2015 by

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No.

That moment when you smack your head after realizing that you could have saved yourself literally years of agony if you had only decided long, long ago to have someone come to your house in the morning to help get the kids ready for school, amirite?

If you haven’t had the pleasure of knowing this experience, let me lay it out for you:  having a part-time nanny or similarly situated individual come to your house to make your children go pee, get them dressed, and give them something to eat besides a half-eaten Wendy’s Frosty you find in your freezer is SO GREAT.

Yesterday, I dragged myself out of bed at 6:30 and made myself some coffee.  Our newly appointed mother’s helper (or parent’s helper, or child care assistant, etc., for the political correctness-minded among you) let herself in the house to wake my sleeping munchkins while I enjoyed my shower.

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Early to Bed, Early to Rise: No.

May 8, 2015 by

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The best part of waking up . . . wait, what the hell is this?

I was frozen in place this morning, unable to move or think of what to do next.  It was the perfect storm of tiredness and mental frenzy.  I wouldn’t call it a panic attack, because I wasn’t panicking, although I was certainly worried and stressed.  It’s sort of like I just shut down for a while because I needed to recalibrate.

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How to Decide If You Should Have a Third Child

Apr 20, 2015 by

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image courtesy of madewithmolecules

 

Having a third child is not in the cards for me. I’m entering my late 30s—nay, I have indeed arrived. I have my hands full with a kid starting kindergarten and the other one starting preschool this fall. And I’m investing nearly all of my creative energy into my work, with scant time left over for the writing projects I wish could gain some forward momentum on.

With that said, I miss breastfeeding. I couldn’t wait to kick my toddler off the boob, but here I go again. What I miss the most about it is the oxytocin rush. Nursing a babe did something wonderful to my brain chemistry.

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