Weird Dreams About My Ex-Boyfriend

Jan 15, 2016 by

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I get a weird pit in my stomach when certain songs pop up on Pandora, or when I watch an episode of an anime series that really resonates with me.  And while I do happen to have some sort of stomach bug at the moment, I don’t think that’s what it is.

I am going to admit right here that the dreams actually started before my husband ran into him in town the other day.  “Oh cool, did you get his updated contact info?”  “Uh, no.”  If you think it’s weird that I would expect my husband to ask my ex for his phone number, so we can call him and make plans, it’s not.  You need to understand our shared history and the high school environment we grew up in.  Maybe it was just our culture or the way things were back then, but in that circle, it was pretty normal to get involved with someone, drift for a while, be friends again later, date other people in that same circle, etc.  Even the relationships/trysts that ended really, really badly eventually became somewhat normal and serene again, with time.  If you ended up never talking to the other person again, it was more likely due to normal drifting apart, rather than an extremely bad falling out.  So I would have totally expected my husband to be all like, “dude, where have you been, bro?” and for that other guy to be all like, “hey man, just hanging out and shit.”  Because that is totally how guys talk to each other, in my imagination.

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Why Can’t Some Moms Ask for (or Accept) Help?

Jan 1, 2016 by

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My mother-in-law has the best parenting stories, and by “best” I mean painfully entertaining. I appreciate these stories, because they remind me that life is hard for any parent when their children are small. It’s easy to forget this when I visit my well-rested inlaws in their perfectly kept home and chat with them about how they’re going to enjoy their retirement in a few years. Once upon a time, they did not have it so easy.

What is interesting about these stories is how much the culture surrounding parenting has changed. A while back at Christmas dinner, my MIL told us the story of how her my husband’s little sister caught a duckling with her bare hands. He was probably about 11 and she was 7, and they were playing by a pond. I have heard this story several times before, but my ears perked up when a never-before mentioned detail surfaced:  said duck was captured while my MIL was inside, periodically watching her children through a window as they played outside. Alone. Next to a pond.

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Self-Limiting Beliefs Are Holding You Back from Being the Mom You Want to Be

Dec 18, 2015 by

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Google “self-limiting beliefs” right now if you have no idea what that is. Call it pop psychology if you will, but I believe we internalize our perceptions of our own abilities and character at a young age or during formative stages in our lives, and that we carry around these beliefs about ourselves as adults. The stories we continue to tell ourselves as we move forward in life impact our personal development, careers, social lives, and even our health and wellness.  Neuro linguistic programming (NLP) is a practice growing in credibility and recognition, as psychologists continue to research the connections our brains make early in life that ingrain these internalized perceptions of our own self-worth and capabilities.  And the good news is that it is totally possible to rewrite our own stories and eventually discard our self-limiting beliefs, which allows us to shape new beliefs that promote our success and happiness.

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Do I Need a D&C? Decision Making and Self Advocacy During a Miscarriage

Nov 21, 2015 by

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Some of you are aware of my recent pregnancy loss. Because I had never miscarried until now, I learned a lot in the process and wanted to share my experience in case someone may benefit from the story.

While I think the title serves as a sufficient trigger warning, I will emphasize here that you may not want to read this if you’re struggling emotionally with a completed miscarriage. I got through the incident with relatively little emotional pain, so I worry that my clinical account of the experience may seem flip to those who are grieving a loss of any kind. I’m writing this because I was pressured to go to the hospital for a dilation and curettage procedure, aka a D&C, and I want other women to know how I made the decision to refuse the surgery in case they are in a similar situation. I spent a lot of time doing research online about the procedure and my options in terms of medical interventions and alternatives, so if this post pops up in the future, I hope someone will find it helpful.

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Working Moms, Why Do You Work?

Nov 7, 2015 by

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I announced my third pregnancy somewhat earlyish, on this blog, a while ago.  Several days ago, I lost the pregnancy.  I would like to do a more in-depth post about the miscarriage because I had not realized the many factors and decisions involved in going through that process.  Someone out there might benefit from reading that story if they are going through something similar.

But for now, I’m just doing what my energy level will permit:  reflecting.  I’m moving past the loss, and I feel a bit silly using the word ‘loss’ because this pregnancy seemed more like a series of events than a thing to have acquired and then lost.  Life just moves on and everything is ok, really, at least for me.  A few days afterward, my boss emailed me to let me know I use too many commas when I write.  And I was annoyed, but only in the typical annoyance way that was over the next minute.  And things are fine.

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