Hooked on a Feeling

Aug 25, 2014 by

I am conscious that I’ve been doing a lot of complaining lately about how hard it is to be raising two kids and how different it is from having one kid or no kids. Rather than embracing my family, I’ve been saying a lot of things I’m not proud of. Mostly I say these things in social situations and somehow I’ve taken on a very woe is me attitude that I can imagine is not very becoming. I lament about how there’s not a lot of love between these two kids. I remark about how sometimes my husband and I just look at each other and wonder how this became our life. I’m often commenting about how mean and physical my older daughter can be to my younger daughter. I complain about what time they go to bed and what time they get up. I talk about how little the big one eats and how the little one eats so fast she’s done before I even start on my own dinner. I’m a party pooper.

Music for My Girls

Aug 18, 2014 by

My four-year-old loves to make up songs and knows all the lyrics and track numbers for her favorite CD. My 18-month-old loves dancing and she’s got some great moves already. When the music in the car stops between songs, she starts whining, “more, more!” I feel so lucky to have a husband who is able to give our girls the gift of music. Whether it’s hearing him play classical or modern music on his double bass or watching ballets on our Roku, they are getting exposed to some pretty great stuff thanks to my partner. He’s got my four-year-old all signed up for Suzuki violin next year and I confess (openly) that while I think this is great, I plan to have nothing to do with it. I am mostly a pop music kind of gal, but I sure can appreciate all of the culture and musical influence he’s bringing to the lives of our girls.

Nursing an 18-month-old

Aug 11, 2014 by

Sometimes writing for this blog is like therapy for me. It helps me to type something out and really focus on something I’m struggling with. Do you ever just have to talk something out with someone else and then it makes total sense to you? You finally know which path to take? Yeah, that’s what I’m hoping will happen with this post. I hope by the end I can make some sense of my thoughts and come to a decision. Or maybe I’ll decide not to decide just yet. I hope you don’t mind.

Here’s a little background: My first child would not latch on so breastfeeding was ultimately unsuccessful. I am now successfully nursing my second child. She nurses two times a day and I am wondering if I should start weaning her or should keep things going as they are now? There are no real reasons to stop, just lots of reasons why maybe I should thinking about stopping?

32 Longs

Aug 4, 2014 by

Oh girls. I remember you before we even met. I spent my nights dreaming of having you. I read, “Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret,” a million times. I watched my friends start wearing bras and still I had nothing. I remember finally having something to show for myself in middle school when I got a bathing suit with a little padding. In high school, I was jealous of those with cleavage. While others searched for just the right strapless bra to wear under their Colorguard uniform, I finally began to appreciate my smaller breasts.

Finally after the Freshman 15 gave me a little more shape and I felt more secure with my long-term boyfriend, I embraced my smaller chest. I took the girls to see Phish and Widespread Panic. I didn’t show them to the crowd, but I didn’t restrain them much either. I could dance without black eyes. I enjoyed many a cute halter-top at a summer festival.

Cord Blood Donation

Jul 28, 2014 by

Modern medicine is absolutely amazing. I just swabbed four sterile Q-tips against the inside of my cheeks, put them in a postage paid envelope and sent them off to the National Bone Marrow Registry. I’ve been thinking about doing this for some time, but I have been afraid. I’ve even been a little reluctant to give blood since having kids. Now that I have two little humans I need to take care of and make sure I am alive for, I have hesitated to do things like this that might compromise that commitment to my children in the name of helping a stranger. I don’t know if anyone else has had that feeling, or if it makes any sense. It’s not like giving blood or just getting on the donor registry in any way compromises my health or ability to care for my family. If I was found to be a match, yes, there would be some risk involved as there is with any anesthesia. Life is full of risks. Why not take a small risk that will benefit others? Or on the other hand, why take any risk that could even possibly adversely affect me and in turn my children? These are the irrational, self-absorbed thoughts that go through my head when deciding if I want to do something like join the bone marrow registry.

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