I Don’t Have a Minivan and Other Reasons I’m Not the Friend I Wish I was

Feb 1, 2016 by

Dear Friends, Acquaintances and even Husband,

I want to help you. I want it all to be ok. And not just ok, easy. And wonderful. You mean a lot to me. It seems like I have a million reasons why I can’t be the friend/person/mom/wife I want to be (or used to be).  Here they go.

  1. My kid sleeps like shit. I can’t go “out” anymore if it means I will be up past 10pm. Sure, I can get a babysitter, but it’s a little expensive to have one stay all night. My three year is in a terrible phase when it comes to sleep. She takes a long time to fall asleep, often coming out of her room multiple times. She wakes at least once a night to cuddle (we don’t) and usually wants to start her day well before 6am. My nights are completely unpredictable all over again. I miss assuming I’ll get a full night of sleep. Boo-hoo. Woe is me.
  2. I don’t know what to invite you to and what not to invite you to. I’d love to have you come to everything, but there’s a few things even I’d be ok with missing. My kids absolutely adore you. I adore you! But will you kill me if I invite you to every school play for the next 15 years? I don’t want you to feel hurt if I assume you’ve got something better to do. (I recently cleared this up when one of my best friends – she says invite and she’ll politely decline if not interested – she’s so great!)
  3. I don’t have a minivan. I so want to be that mom who offers to help my mom friends on the daily. I’d love to offer to bring your kid home from school anytime you aren’t able or have my daughter bring your son to church so you can have a morning to yourself or with your spouse. But we don’t have a minivan and we can’t fit any extra kids in our car. Even though I can’t offer the daily help at this point, please know we’re here if you need us. We’ll find some way to help even if it means taking both of our cars somewhere.
  4. I’m a homebody. See #1. My family is away from our house for 5 days out of each week, not counting weekend activities. I’m so sorry that a pajama day is usually what I’d choose over a play date on a Saturday.

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Being a mom shouldn’t be an excuse to be a less present friend. Can I use it as an excuse for being a less physically present friend? Because between working and parenting, I am just beat. I know you are too. I don’t blame you, so why do I blame myself? I hope you know how much I care. I try to tell you all. Wouldn’t it be awesome if your nose really did itch each time I thought of you, or thought of something nice I’d like to do for you? I have big ideas but follow through much less than I used to. I forget plans I’ve made in my head to call you, text you, touch base, reach out, send a card for no reason. But sometimes, I don’t forget the nice thing I’d like to do and the stars align and it fills my bucket to fill yours a little. I hope the little things mean a lot to you. I’m trying, I promise.

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Outsourcing Some Homemaking

Jan 18, 2016 by

Lately, I have been longing to enjoy my free time more, to give myself more permission to relax already and hoping that relaxing will help me to be kinder and more gentle to my children. I’ve been asking myself, what can I remove from my plate? I finally feel some financial freedom and that I have the ability to do some outsourcing. Time to get a house cleaner. I did some asking around and was surprised at the number of people who already had someone who cleaned their house. I called a few people and settled on a woman who is self employed, licensed and is highly recommended.

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Five New Year’s Resolutions Your Kids Can Help You Keep

Jan 4, 2016 by

2016 is here. Time to pack up the holiday decorations and get serious about making those New Year’s Resolutions. Your gym bag is packed and your intentions are good, but life with kids can throw you a curve ball just when you think you’ve got it all figured out. Maybe you want to sleep more, expand your cooking repertoire or spend more time enjoying your family. Make it a family affair – your kids are really trying to help keep you on track!

Cook More.
If they’re like my kids, they probably don’t eat much and are pretty picky so you won’t have to aim very high on this one. Maybe try a new mac and cheese recipe and call it a day.

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Working The Night Shift

Dec 21, 2015 by

Silly me. I thought that as my infants became toddlers became preschoolers they wouldn’t need me in the middle of the night anymore. Oh how wrong I was.

A few months ago my two year old called out to me in the middle of the night.
Mom, Mom, Mom.
Yes sweetheart, what do you need?
Mom, I have drool on my face!
Sweetheart, just wipe it on your covers and go back to bed. It’s not a big deal.

And then I wiped her chin with my hand and wiped it on her comforter. Cut me a break, it was 2 a.m. and I was half asleep. But then she says Mom, it’s kind of a lot of drool. 

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Like Ships Passing In The Night

Dec 7, 2015 by

Like Ships Passing In The Night. I think a blog post with this title could probably be written about the relationship between spouses at almost every stage of parenting. When they are infants, you sleep as much as you can and when you’re awake you’re barely conscious. As they grow, you begin to juggle activities. If you have more than one kid, you’re rarely attending the same activity as your spouse, most often splitting up to cover all of the bases. It’s easy for the time you do have together to be spent on the “business” of parenting and marriage. If you go here, do this, I can do this and go there and maybe, just maybe, we can get it all done and meet back home at 9 p.m.

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