Kids, Meet Mommy’s New Best Friend: The Television

Sep 15, 2014 by

I had a mental list of things I said I would never, ever, ever do as a mom. Oh, how I wish I would have actually made a physical list. I could use a big, huge, great belly laughing session like right now. I think I did a pretty good job not judging other people for these things I swore I’d never do, but they just weren’t for me. Not my parenting style, or the parenting style I hoped to have. If you want to feed your kid a Big Mac for dinner, more power to you. I was going to have it together enough to get a balanced meal on the table every night while working full time. I was not going to bribe or negotiate. Apparently I was going to raise a child who would always listen. And I would be a mom who never yelled or threatened. I’m not sure how exactly I thought I was going to keep my cool 99.9% of the time. Perhaps I planned to fall back on my yoga training?

“I Feel Nothing For This Baby”

Sep 8, 2014 by

I had a tough first labor. By some people’s standards it might have been easy and by some it might have been terrible. No one’s life was ever in danger, as far as I know. We all came out on the other side healthy. It seemed neither of us were happy, but at least we were healthy. For me it was life changing and absolutely shocking to become a mother. When she was born, I was so tired that I couldn’t see straight. We spent agonizing weeks trying to get her to nurse. I strapped on a medieval torture device every three hours for twenty minutes for two months and cried my eyes out. If I wasn’t crying, I felt just numb. I was terrified to tell anyone how utterly tired, unhappy, scared and frustrated I was. My husband and I spent sleepless night after sleepless night pacing the living room with a screaming blob that just couldn’t seem to settle down. My knees ached. I worried I might never be able to take another step. My house smelled like body odor and breast milk. I didn’t have time to eat, let alone shower. I don’t remember who I finally admitted it to. Maybe I just said it to myself, out loud this time. About four years ago to the day, I said the thing I’d almost been too afraid to even allow myself to think. “I feel nothing for this baby.”

Hooked on a Feeling

Aug 25, 2014 by

I am conscious that I’ve been doing a lot of complaining lately about how hard it is to be raising two kids and how different it is from having one kid or no kids. Rather than embracing my family, I’ve been saying a lot of things I’m not proud of. Mostly I say these things in social situations and somehow I’ve taken on a very woe is me attitude that I can imagine is not very becoming. I lament about how there’s not a lot of love between these two kids. I remark about how sometimes my husband and I just look at each other and wonder how this became our life. I’m often commenting about how mean and physical my older daughter can be to my younger daughter. I complain about what time they go to bed and what time they get up. I talk about how little the big one eats and how the little one eats so fast she’s done before I even start on my own dinner. I’m a party pooper.

Music for My Girls

Aug 18, 2014 by

My four-year-old loves to make up songs and knows all the lyrics and track numbers for her favorite CD. My 18-month-old loves dancing and she’s got some great moves already. When the music in the car stops between songs, she starts whining, “more, more!” I feel so lucky to have a husband who is able to give our girls the gift of music. Whether it’s hearing him play classical or modern music on his double bass or watching ballets on our Roku, they are getting exposed to some pretty great stuff thanks to my partner. He’s got my four-year-old all signed up for Suzuki violin next year and I confess (openly) that while I think this is great, I plan to have nothing to do with it. I am mostly a pop music kind of gal, but I sure can appreciate all of the culture and musical influence he’s bringing to the lives of our girls.

Nursing an 18-month-old

Aug 11, 2014 by

Sometimes writing for this blog is like therapy for me. It helps me to type something out and really focus on something I’m struggling with. Do you ever just have to talk something out with someone else and then it makes total sense to you? You finally know which path to take? Yeah, that’s what I’m hoping will happen with this post. I hope by the end I can make some sense of my thoughts and come to a decision. Or maybe I’ll decide not to decide just yet. I hope you don’t mind.

Here’s a little background: My first child would not latch on so breastfeeding was ultimately unsuccessful. I am now successfully nursing my second child. She nurses two times a day and I am wondering if I should start weaning her or should keep things going as they are now? There are no real reasons to stop, just lots of reasons why maybe I should thinking about stopping?

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