Author: Molly

“How’s Mom?” Which One?

Ugh. So it finally happened. We’ve both gotten comments since I’ve been pregnant that we expected but weren’t looking forward to. I’ve heard “Will your husband be joining you?” Dory has gotten “So did the guy have sex with your wife?” and all the “it isn’t really your child, though, right?” I was hoping society was kind of past these in our area of New England but it is confirmed we are in for a lifetime of this. It has pretty much rolled off our backs so far. We’ve laughed them off and rolled our eyes in sympathy for each other. I feel protective over Dory’s status as a mom and she interacts with dozens of patients every day so she definitely hears more of it than I do. Being a non-pregnant mother-to-be is a whole struggle I’ve never been through (yet). My safe haven has been my midwives and ultrasound techs at Yale-New Haven. I trusted they would be inclusive and they are. Most places aren’t going to be super-homophobic and throw you out, but a lot of places will get their language inadvertently wrong or make it awkward by over-talking-up how fine they are with the gays because their aunt’s friend has a girlfriend. At Yale-New Haven they were just normal. Normal, normal, normal about it and I loved it. They effortlessly said donor instead of dad every...

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“Family Only”

Last night my wife Dory and I went to visit our good friends, Luna and Dan, and their brand new baby. She is so precious! I have been craving baby and this fix hit the spot. Four more months til ours is on the outside! The new mom and dad were inviting “family only” to the hospital and we were honored to get the invitation. We’re Auntie Molly and Auntie Dory even though there’s no blood relation. But the thing is, there will be soon. Dan is our sperm donor. Our baby and their baby will be biological half-siblings. Since our friends will go by Aunt Luna and Uncle Dan for our kid too, we’re calling the babies “cousins.” When Dory and I first started about starting a family (seven years ago!), we hated the idea of a sperm donor but it was a necessary evil. We looked at adoption and foster care very seriously, but in the end it came down to what we could afford (and which process we were prepared to put ourselves through). An anonymous donor seemed like the best way to go though we were uncomfortable with some stranger having such a big impact on our child’s biology and identity. Would she want to meet him? Would she see him as her father? The idea was very threatening. We wanted our baby to have two parents: us....

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When Perfectly Healthy Sounds Like Bad News

I have been a wreck since the ultrasound. It was all good news. Measurements on track, bones and organs present and growing, regular heartbeat, little fingers and little toes. All the screenings we’ve taken have been low-risk/negative. I wasn’t really worried about all that. 99% of babies come out with all of these things in tact and I had no reason to think mine would be different. Then they told us it was a girl. She is a girl. That’s what I fixated on as the “bad news.” I went in feeling totally fine about either sex, but the...

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First Trimester… Try Yours TODAY!

So you’re thinking of getting pregnant? Congratulations! We’d love to offer you an amazing deal on your first trimester. The miracle diet! Drop 20 pounds FAST! You’ve heard of pregnancy for weight gain but how about weight loss? That’s right, when you’re unable to eat, losing fluids through vomiting, and your sweet parasite is getting nutrition from your stored fat, you will shed those pounds. You’ll even lose blood through your nose, mouth, vag, and butt! But don’t worry! You can keep your weight loss discreet with the included BLOATED BELLY! Are you tired of feeling like a human?...

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I’m Already Not a Selfless Saint

Two months pregnant and I’m letting down my kid. I don’t really feel that way (maybe a tiny bit), but I’m afraid others might. Mommy forums and the mainstream culture are full of a narrative of being in love with your baby before it’s even morphed from embryo to fetus. I read a lot of gratitude for morning sickness and happiness to put up with anything out of a mother’s love. Sorry, I’m not that perfect. I actually don’t like feeling nauseous! I don’t like a lot about this first trimester and how much it is cutting back on my work time. I don’t like being out of control of my own body. I hate this exhaustion… and if I hate being really tired, I guess I’ll hate being a mom, right? Here’s a really dark secret for you. I’ve wished to feel better. Which would basically mean wishing for a miscarriage. I don’t let myself go too far down that road of beating myself up for being human, though. When you feel sick, you want to feel better. That’s normal. That’s OK. I know I am not going to magically transform into a selfless saint from my baby’s first breath, just like I didn’t at its conception. AND I can still be an awesome, loving mom who does make a lot of sacrifices for her kid. I don’t have to...

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