Go the f*%k to sleep.
I’m sorry that we were clueless first-time parents. We had no idea what the consequences of not sleep training you would be. Can you blame us? You cried so hard you kept barfing in your crib. Ew. Here we are 6 years later and you still need mom in bed with you to go to sleep. Even then, you are a bundle of spazz when you don’t fall asleep right as your head hits the pillow. “I CAN’T SLEEP!” you yell at me while flailing your body around the bed.
Yes, our evening routine is bonkers. We are not living examples of happy people when we’re all tired. We’ve just run a marathon of dinner, homework, potty, teeth brushing and stories. I know it’s hard to turn off your brain after all that and settle down. But gimme a break, child. I’m tired.