When my depression started to lift after starting a much-needed prescription, I came to the scary realization that certain aspects of my personality and outlook on life were driven by that altered state of mind. Or rather, those aspects were a part of who I was until I started tinkering with my neurochemistry.
One of my most popular posts on here is about how much I hate cooking – not the act of meal preparation itself as a stand-alone chore, but the fact that it ate into my time and energy and involved more focus and coordination than I felt I could reasonably muster on a daily basis. Do I still struggle with this? Sure, somewhat. But one night recently, I was pulling dinner together and realized that I felt … nothing. Not gloriously blissful, certainly, but also not frustrated, exhausted, or overwhelmed. Just … normal? Is this what normal feels like? I mean, if you love cooking, you may feel blissful while making dinner. But if you think cooking is just ok or feel otherwise neutral about it, you will treat it as just another chore. And you won’t usually be angry or depressed over it unless your brain is wired to trigger those emotions over the event. That must have been what was happening to me before, because suddenly I am sort of ok with making dinner.read more