Chronic illness is such a weird animal. A couple times a year, you might find yourself having a day where you feel completely normal. Pain free, energetic, focused, able to move around easily. It’s euphoric. And you hardly ever realize it’s happening until after the fact, when the pain comes back. It’s pretty amazing when it happens.
And there are days — and nights, oh, the endless nights — where you just want to curl into the fetal position and pretend this isn’t your life, because you are so miserable with pain and nausea. It feels relentless and it strips you down to the animal inside you, the one that’s got its teeth bared and is willing to gnaw its own leg off if it means that it gets to live. You breathe through minute after minute, and that encompasses all the priorities you thought you had, like making sure that you eat a family meal together every night, getting that bank paperwork done, and finishing the laundry. Screw it, says your hind brain. Just breathe, and make it to the next moment and the next breath without breaking.read more