“Mama, I’m a girl”

Jun 19, 2015 by

When I look back at my parenting life, I don’t see pivotal moments standing out as the sea change of our lives. Sure, every once in a while life changes in the blink of an eye and you don’t see it coming. But more often, for every pivotal moment we have experienced, there have been months and years of signs leading up to that moment. These signs give us clues to the road ahead so that by the time that pivotal moment comes, even though it might still be an emotional kick to the gut and we don’t feel fully prepared, we have had some guidance leading us to the right decision to make.

As a parent, I have learned to trust my instincts, because they are fueled by those clues. Those clues carry us forward to a moment that, in the end, will be but a flash of time propelling us forward to those next months and years that will inform our split-second reaction at the next pivot in our path.

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5 Things That Suck About Parenting #Unfiltered

Jun 1, 2015 by

Alright, alright, I’m starting this post with the requisite I absolutely love being a parent and wouldn’t change that for anything. That is totally true – I love my girl more than anything in the world and would do anything for her. BUT – there are still some aspects of parenting that make me want to scream at the top of my fucking lungs. And we like to keep it real here.

Let’s get started shall we?! This list is in no particular order.

1. Baths. OMFG people I hate that I have to bathe or shower this kid. I hate it. Most days I hope that the fact that there’s bubble bath in the water means that she’ll get clean. If she dunks under once or twice we’re good. I also hate that I then have to clean the bath tub. No thank you.

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Sometimes it IS that bad.

May 27, 2015 by

I am sitting on my front steps with my head in my hands taking deep breaths, trying to stop shaking.  My neighbor drives by and says, “Is it really that bad?”  I throw up my hands, “Yes!”

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I had originally planned on writing about something sweet and kind, something about my lovely children, something about the joys of motherhood.  And then this L O N G Memorial Day weekend happened and I just don’t have it in me. 

 

Want to hear about it?

 

For this unofficial start of the summer weekend, we had a ton of fun, kid-oriented activities planned.  The weather was fabulous.  It should have been a picture perfect family weekend.  And there were wonderful moments (that you know I captured for Facebook world) but there were also hours (and hours) of cranky, whiney, misbehaving, clingy, bored kids.  I can’t tell you how many times I lost it with my older son.  I never knew I had it in me to yell like I did.  Then, of course, the guilt overwhelms me and I hug him and apologize.  Then he does something naughty again and I lose it again.  This cycle played out for three very long days.

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Parking Lot Confessional

Apr 29, 2015 by

It’s 5:30pm and I just braved at least 30 minutes of the world’s most frustrating traffic before stopping to pick up my daughter at school. I still have a significant drive home with a planned stop at the grocery store. I’ve been up since 4:45am and am pretty sure that loading her into the car and breaking the news that we have to swing by Stop & Shop is not going to go over well. We’re rapidly closing in on age 4 and her ‘tude has been full force. And my patience just ain’t what it used to be.

So, walking back to our car in the parking lot from the school, holding hands with me and full of chatter, CP and I run into one of my daughter’s classmates and good buddies. I’ve spoken with the little girl’s mom, let’s call her Em, at school birthday parties and a couple of school functions. I’ve seen her struggle with her daughter during pickup, sharing an empathetic look and pretending to not notice her frustration.

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I’m Not a Robot

Apr 20, 2015 by

I’ve been listening to music pretty much every day on my walks or runs and I’ve found that I keep hitting repeat, over and over, on the song I Am Not a Robot by Marina and the Diamonds. I’ve been going through a lot of change in my life as my husband and I continue the divorce process and something about this song just hits me every time I listen to it.

It’s okay to say you’ve got a weak spot
You don’t always have to be on top

I have a hard time with negative emotions. I don’t like feeling angry or resentful because those emotions only make me feel worse and really impact my ability to feel inner peace. I believe in my soul that being compassionate and kind are two of the most important values in life.  So, it’s tough for me to admit that during this process of getting divorced I’ve had times when I’ve let my anger overshadow my desire to be compassionate. But I do have a weak spot, many weak spots in fact, and I don’t always have to be perfect. Divorce is always difficult for everyone involved so I’m trying to cut myself some slack.

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