Remember to Look Up

Apr 6, 2015 by

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I had an epiphany of sorts the other day while running. It was a tough run, as most of them have been lately, and I had my eyes down on the road, focused totally on the pain and heaviness in my legs. Each step felt like a chore and my muscles ached. Then, all of the sudden, I looked up and noticed the sun shining, the beauty of the rural area I was in and how stunning the clear blue sky was. In that moment I realized how much of a metaphor that is for my life right now. I’ve been focused on the road directly in front of me and haven’t stopped at all to look up and remember that life is bigger than just what I’m going through right at this moment. Divorce is not easy, even when both people agree it’s the right thing and I’ve gotten a bit stuck in the daily struggles I’ve faced. I wrote the words below to remind me that every now and again, I’ve got to look up.

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Trying in Vain to Find Balance in my Life

Apr 1, 2015 by

I am consumed with my sons.  I inhale “Jackson” and exhale “Justus.”  And not for a moment do I regret that.  They are my life, my world, and my heart.  What I struggle with is finding a balance between them and everything else.  I recently wrote about my desire to reconnect with myself; however, I’m finding that I don’t really know how.  Yesterday two things happened that just reinforced the fact that I have to focus on finding that elusive balance in my life.

 

Thing 1:  For the first time in 15 years at my job I received a “not-so-great” performance review.  As I walked out of my boss’s office, ears ringing, heart pounding, my initial reaction was one of defense.    However, as the day went on, I began to honestly reflect on my performance over the past year.  When I looked at the situation objectively, I had to admit that I was in fact a “not-so-great” employee.  I was on maternity leave for the beginning of the year, and when I came back physically I wasn’t fully there mentally, then just a few short months later came the inescapable daycare-associated sickness, and I was constantly leaving work early or coming in late for pediatrician appointments.  Definitely not the most productive year in my career.

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If I Could Only Clone Myself

Mar 12, 2015 by

This has been one tough winter, with all the snow, ice, freezing rain and frigidly cold temperatures I am pretty much over winter at this point.  I am sure everyone can attest to that. Aside from the constant digging myself out from under mountains of snow, (and let me just say, if I never see snow again it will be too soon) what has made it even worse for me were school closings or  my little one being sick. And he was sick a LOT this season. He has had Conjunctivitis, colds, flu, you name it. If there was a germ floating around he caught it. My poor little guy just couldn’t catch a break, and neither could I.

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The Things We Pass On To Our Children

Mar 11, 2015 by

I have three daughters. My two younger daughters look more like my husband and most like each other. With blonde hair, blue-eyes, round faces, and perfect noses they are, to me, gorgeous. They are both vivacious and social. They sing, they dance, and they are both so silly. Neither of them have been to the doctor for anything more serious than an ear infection (yes, I just knocked on my wooden desk as I wrote that). I watch the two of them sometimes in awe as they excel at everything they try. They are who I always wished I could be. They are perfect.

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9 Reasons You’re a Good Mother

Feb 4, 2015 by

1.  You think you’re not.  You are convinced you’re doing it all wrong.  You try different parenting techniques and regardless of whether they are effective or not, you still question them.  You’re inconsistent.  You worry about every miniscule detail, both physically and emotionally. Your child doesn’t eat healthy enough, watches too much TV, gets too much attention, doesn’t get enough attention, doesn’t sleep well. You didn’t breast feed long enough. Did he have that cough yesterday?  Is he gaining enough weight?  Too much weight?  Stop.  The fact that you worry is a testament of how much you care and how utterly important you take your role, and that makes you a good mother.

 

2.  You have a fierce instinct to protect them.  You’re a gentle person who doesn’t enjoy confrontation or conflict.  But if someone crosses your child, you fly into crazy Mama Bear mode.  Your gentle nature goes right out the window.  You will do anything to protect your child, and that makes you a good mother.

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