Sometimes it IS that bad.

May 27, 2015 by

I am sitting on my front steps with my head in my hands taking deep breaths, trying to stop shaking.  My neighbor drives by and says, “Is it really that bad?”  I throw up my hands, “Yes!”

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I had originally planned on writing about something sweet and kind, something about my lovely children, something about the joys of motherhood.  And then this L O N G Memorial Day weekend happened and I just don’t have it in me. 

 

Want to hear about it?

 

For this unofficial start of the summer weekend, we had a ton of fun, kid-oriented activities planned.  The weather was fabulous.  It should have been a picture perfect family weekend.  And there were wonderful moments (that you know I captured for Facebook world) but there were also hours (and hours) of cranky, whiney, misbehaving, clingy, bored kids.  I can’t tell you how many times I lost it with my older son.  I never knew I had it in me to yell like I did.  Then, of course, the guilt overwhelms me and I hug him and apologize.  Then he does something naughty again and I lose it again.  This cycle played out for three very long days.

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Parenting Angrily #unfiltered

May 26, 2015 by

I was raised in an angry family.  My parents fought a lot.  It was very clear to me at a young age that my mother disapproved of my father’s gambling, and my father disapproved of my mother’s close relationship with her siblings.  There was not a lot of restraint when things got heated and family members expressed their displeasure.

I’m happy to report that no one ever said, “You’re stupid,” or “You’re ugly,” or cursed at the children of the family.  My parents never used the “F” word.  However, there were lots of other ways to verbally attack, including a constant litany of nasty quips and remarks.  Once I cried while I confided in my mother that I felt like I didn’t have any friends.  The next time I displeased her, she said, “No WONDER you don’t have any friends.”

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One Year Later

Apr 22, 2015 by

Eleanor

May 12th will be the one-year anniversary of my daughter Natalie’s surgery to fuse her spine and correct severe scoliosis caused by a neurological disorder called Neurofibromatosis (NF). As winter has turned to spring my mind has begun to wander to the events leading up to and following that extremely difficult day. With those memories has come residual anxiety and sadness and continued fear of what we may face next. Rather than focus on those difficult emotions I’ve tried instead to reflect on how much I have learned this year.

Night Before

Natalie and I at Mother’s Day dinner–the night before her surgery.

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Making The Brave Choice

Apr 17, 2015 by

I don’t know about you, but sometimes, I feel like my life verges on monotony.  Go to work, come home, deal with stuff, go to bed pass out on the couch, wake up, and begin again. It’s easy to get stuck in routine – which, admittedly, is great for kids, but not so great for adults.

It could be as simple as cooking the same meals week-after-week, or spending weekend nights glued to Netflix. But this Groundhog Day existence isn’t healthy – for you, your partner, or your kids. Sometimes you have to shake things up, consider a different path, and make a brave choice to re-imagine your life.

That’s a pretty bold statement.

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Remember to Look Up

Apr 6, 2015 by

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I had an epiphany of sorts the other day while running. It was a tough run, as most of them have been lately, and I had my eyes down on the road, focused totally on the pain and heaviness in my legs. Each step felt like a chore and my muscles ached. Then, all of the sudden, I looked up and noticed the sun shining, the beauty of the rural area I was in and how stunning the clear blue sky was. In that moment I realized how much of a metaphor that is for my life right now. I’ve been focused on the road directly in front of me and haven’t stopped at all to look up and remember that life is bigger than just what I’m going through right at this moment. Divorce is not easy, even when both people agree it’s the right thing and I’ve gotten a bit stuck in the daily struggles I’ve faced. I wrote the words below to remind me that every now and again, I’ve got to look up.

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