The Moment I Knew We Would Have One Child

Apr 11, 2014 by

Because I have one child, people almost always assume that I couldn’t have more.  But that’s not true.  I simply didn’t want to have more than one.  When I’ve said that to other moms, I’ve had mixed responses; I’ve had women tell me that I was depriving my son of the greatest gift I could give my child – a sibling (clearly, they have never met my siblings), I’ve been asked if I was afraid my child would become spoiled or be lonely or socially awkward – no, I’m not the type to give in to every whim or lock the child in the house for weeks on end.   But I’ve also had women tell me that they too would have stopped after one, but for whatever reason, chose to have more kids.

Running on Faith – My Messy Beautiful

Apr 10, 2014 by

I know I’m not the only parent out there who grew up in less than idyllic circumstances. I know there are many, many souls who’ve had it harder, worse, who’ve lost more than me, who’ve been knocked down more and found a way to get back up again.

And while I’m not happy other parents have suffered, I’m grateful that I’m not alone. They’ve given me courage and taught me grace and made me humble.

I grew up surrounded by noise, anger, abuse, addiction, poverty and – because of all that – shame. How sad is that? I was ashamed of my life, of my family, of myself. As a little girl, I dreamed of the life and family I would have one day. The glorious normal, loving, secure family. And so I fought for it. I pushed my way out of that old life and toward something new. I wasn’t going to be like that. I was going to be more. I clung to that picture of my grown-up life and, though it was only in my mind, it was real. They were out there, this husband and these children. Waiting for me. I just needed to get to them.

Happy Birthday to Me!

Apr 4, 2014 by

This week I’ll celebrate another birthday…which is much better than the alternative.

Now officially in my late 40’s, I’m not so happy about the rapidly multiplying gray hairs threading along my hairline, nor am I thrilled with the lines that have appeared along my forehead or around my eyes. But even as mid-life’s inevitable physical changes start creeping in, I’m strangely at peace with the aging process. I have much more confidence in myself than I did in my 20’s and I feel happier with myself and proud of what I accomplished in my 30’s and my 40’s.

Below are a few things I’ve learned as I’ve gotten older:

1) I still have the ability to achieve my goals – even though I’m a mom, I’m still career oriented and driven…even if I’m the one doing most of the driving.

2) I’ve learned which friendships are worth investing in, and which aren’t.

Words, Independence, and Assertiveness. Two isn’t So Terrible.

Apr 1, 2014 by

eeds at the farm

My daughter will be two soon. She is getting so many new words each and every day. My husband often quotes ‘Old School , “Look at the baby, look at the baby”, when I tell him to look at Edith, listen to Edith, did you see what Edith did? It’s a fascinating age, and yes… sometimes challenging.

In addition to her words, Edith is also becoming Edith, testing limits and challenging authority…constantly!

Her testing us isn’t as shocking to us, now that it’s the second time around. “This isn’t our first rodeo”… Although, now there is the added opinions and feedback of my 4, soon to be 5 year old, who is observing both his sister’s behavior and his dad and my reactions to it. This certainly brings an added level of pressure not to waffle.

Control Freak

Mar 31, 2014 by

I have come to realize that having children is all about control. It’s about the feeling of wanting to have control and dealing with the fact that you often don’t. And I think it’s this way right from the very beginning.

You spend years and years trying to prevent pregnancy. And then something changes and the time comes when you are ready, and of course you have absolutely no control over when and how that will happen for you. This can be frustrating and downright heartbreaking for some. But, hopefully, finally there it is—that beautiful, innocent new addition to your family.

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