Mommy hood equals judgment???

5 comments

I love being a woman, I love everything about it from my curves, to being able to carry a child, maybe getting a free drink here or there over the years, the empowerment I have felt with being able to work but there is one thing that worries me with my impending motherhood.

I feel like I have seen a trend over the last 4-5 years when a lot of women around me have started to become mothers and the acceptance of being in the mommy hood club since I was knocked up.

JUDGEMENT…..

Yup plain old, nasty, judgment. I always have felt that women need to band together more but it seems worse when it comes to mommy hood. I hear it all the time from some amazing women that this woman isn’t breastfeeding, is breastfeeding, should go natural, should have an epidural, how can she let her child act like that, etc.

I have even had friends who are not near motherhood ask what happened to their friends after they had children. Not that they are not friends anymore but have never heard as much negativity ever come out of their friends mouth before…and I started listening more and more and hate to say I have to agree.

These amazing women who have so much intelligence and charisma all of a sudden will complain about how other mothers are and their children are? I always felt like motherhood would be an understanding club where we would come together because the other sex could never understand how it is to grow life and give birth to it?

Am I doomed to be a judgey lady once I have baby Schunk? Why do you think this occurs mommies? Help me understand why a lot of women get sucked into this (as I say this I do understand not every woman in involved and that I am generalizing…) and how we can change this because I never EVER want to stop the love I have for being a woman.

5 comments on “Mommy hood equals judgment???”

  1. I think it has to do with the fact that moms are overworked and undervalued. I’ve worked for and with a variety of non-profits in my day and the number one theme I see across them all is internal fighting/judgement amongst the staff and between affiliate organizations and their state or national entity. I attribute that internal judgement to the fact that these non-profit staff (the majority of which are women) are overworked and underpaid.

    It’s a shame that we, as moms, judge one another because in doing so we are missing some larger issues that we might be able to find common ground on. Such as the fact that we even need a website called working mom. Haven’t seen a working dad website, because the same demands that are placed on us as working and non-working moms are still, for the most part, imbalanced verse the expectations of a dad.

    Change takes time–one person at a time. I say continue loving being a woman and begin to change the discussion. The next time a mom starts to tell you about someone she knows who only breast fed for 2 months, present her with a different perspective instead of joining in on the gossip or remaining silent.

  2. You are going to be totally fine!! You are an amazing, loving, understanding person and I promise you that will NOT change when you have kids. Plus, now you’re part of this online community of other moms that are as awesome as your are and you have us to remind you that moms aren’t all negative! We are all here for you!

  3. I know why it happens. It happens because when someone feels insecure about her own choice, she justifies it by putting down someone who made a different choice. The clearest example of this that I can see is in the SAHM vs. working mom debate–a debate that is perhaps overblown by mainstream media, but is a real one, regardless. A working mom may feel guilty about leaving her children in daycare and question her own choice to do so. Instead of expressing this fear, it comes out in the form of judgment of a SAHM. So she makes comments like “her kids won’t be properly socialized because she never lets them out of her sight,” or “she’s a bad example to her kids because she’s a 1950’s throwback.” Similarly, SAHM’s who may wonder if they are throwing away their careers will respond by lashing out with “daycare ruins children socially and developmentally,” and “working mothers are selfish and value their lattes and designer shoes instead of their families.” All are obviously ridiculous statements, and it’s doubtful that any one woman’s situation could be so absolutely simple and straightforward that any of these remarks would fairly apply. When societal changes are made that support women (and men) no matter which path they choose, or in a combination of both, hopefully this kind of judgment will recede from the public memory because all will feel secure and confident in their choices.

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