Like a virgin


So giving birth was crazy….but attempting to have sex after was interesting to say the least. Let’s take a step back to giving birth..

I remember going to the bathroom after my epidural wore off and was actually excited to be able to see anything below my belly since it has been so long. I could see my feet and my vagina! Yes, the vagina which had been neglected and was quite the jungle. All I can say is it was a scary view ladies. Anyone who has their first child is in for a shock after childbirth.

I understand that a nine pound baby just made his way through their but OH MY GOD! The thought of it going back to its original state was a little daunting.

So after the initial shock and lots of uncomfortableness the doctor gave me the post partum go ahead for exercise and sexy time. Since I wasn’t about to go running then the other thing was something to try out again.

In a few words I felt like a virgin again and it was definitely different since now a child is involved. I find myself planning “pound town” during naps or after my child goes down. It’s like a race.

OK the kid is down

Did I pump? Who wants those things flopping around spraying milk everywhere (I now understand where the word “milky” breast in smut books comes from)

Do you have the monitor on?

Don’t be to loud! (I feel like it is college sex all over again, remember when you roommate was in the room but you were too drunk to care so you were quiet about it! Maybe that was just me?!)

Hurry up he is squawking and I need to check on him. 


Luckily my husband and I have a great sense of humor about it but can only imagine the time constraint getting worse since I am back to work full-time. So how do all my working ladies keep that connection to their partners?   

So if you see me out at work  humming  “Like a virgin” don’t judge me…. I am just  happy that my nether regions are back to normal.

5 comments on “Like a virgin”

  1. I agree with the post and the comments… – (I too had the whole felt like it was falling out and what the heck how come no one ever MENTIONS this to you) BTW – thanks Best Friends this is the something we should be talking about!

    Let me tell you with a 17 month old you still say be quiet, dont wake the baby… and I still put the monitor on. But I guess for hundreds of years women have figured out a way to make it work – hey we are all here right. 🙂

    Great post – real and to the point.

    I dont miss the water bottle spray, they numbing cream or spray, the Huge hosp pads, the thinking really we have to go back to having sex… but it works it self out and that is the great part about life!

  2. I LOVE this. I have said SO many times that EVERYONE talks about being pregnant and what to expect and what happens while your pregnant but NO ONE talks about what happens after that baby comes outta ya! Well I mean people do talk about what to expect with the baby, how to take care of the baby but what happens to your body is never spoke of! Like it’s a big freaking secret! I say that giving birth is not even the hard part (not if you’re getting an epidural anyway) the HARDEST part is dealing with your VAGINA after the baby comes out. Most of us have stitches, cant wipe – dabbing only, have to squirt ourselves with water bottles and hoses EVERY TIME we go to the bathroom, bleed worse than ever, blood clots, the list goes on! And this is all going on while we are home taking care of a newborn so we are also making sure to scrub the heck out of our hand after every trip to the bathroom too! And the boobs… don’t even get me started! I naturally have 38DDD so when they filled with milk it was like 2 bowling balls on my chest that would just squirt when I took my bra off! Why didn’t anyone warn us about all that stuff?? With my second child (my widdle Claireeee) I thought my Va-JJ was falling out of me!! After it scared the heck outta me I called my Mom who told me “oh yea that happened to me after I had your sister, just push it in and do your kegels!” REALLY, you left that out!? LOL sorry to be so graphic but this really happens! I have talked to a few friends and similar things have happened to them! Maybe if these things were talked about as easily as all of the gory details of the beautiful birthing process maybe it would be expected and in turn be easier to deal with (and not scare the heck out of us at 3 am). I can at least say for myself that I would have liked to have known all about it before experiencing it!

  3. I had a c-section ultimately so things downstairs were all good however I always wondered what it would have been like it I had a vaginal birth! Thanks for the open and honest post, you rock!

  4. First, you are brave to post this. You said the word vagina! Personally I was shocked that after giving birth, the doctor doesn’t want to see you for 6 weeks! And then realizing 6 weeks is not enough! I was not ready for action!

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