Love Letter for C-Section Mamas

9 comments

This was posted by a friend on Facebook and it is a beautifully written letter to us C-section mamas.

I have wanted to write about my birth experiences for a while now, and this (and Michelle’s encouragement) gave me the motivation to do so.

When I had Miles I had a birthing plan; no drugs, all natural, I took hypno-birthing classes, I was determined to do it all on my own like the women squatting behind a tree back in the day.  I mean women have been giving birth for centuries, why couldn’t I?

This was when I learned my motto, “You can plan all you want, and then life happens.”

Apparently, Miles did not get a copy of the birth plan (I had made several, I don’t know how that could have happened).  Long story short he made his way out vaginally, but not without meconium, a lot of back labor, an epidural, 3 hours of pushing, and a near silent birth to allow for the docs to clear his nose and mouth without him aspirating.

But he was healthy, and I felt proud for what my body had accomplished.  If we ever had another baby I would try again to be a natural as can be, but I would take with me the realizations that plans can change.

And did they ever.

At 40 weeks and 1 day pregnant, Ava was on her way.  I was prepared this time with really no plan other than to go with the flow.  If I needed the drugs, so be it.

At this point, C-section wasn’t even on the radar.  My ideas of going with the flow were solely focused on allowing myself to be ok with getting an epidural.

And things were going well.  I was that Mama birthing behind the tree!  Things were going so well, that at 4pm the nurse even commented that “I don’t normally make predictions, but this baby will probably be here by 6pm tonight.”

And again, life happened.

My water broke, the baby came down pretty fast and, well, got stuck.  Not matter how many times I pushed, or what positions I did it from it didn’t work.  I got the drugs and thought that maybe if I could relax and have a break, things would change.  She could move, or turn or whatever.

She didn’t.  My midwife informed me that the baby’s heart rate was dipping more than she would like, and broached the subject of C-section.  What it basically came down to was that she was pretty sure I was not going to birth vaginally, now the choice was if I was going to be awake for the surgery or not.

Lying on the table, arms strapped down, getting taken apart and put back together, I kept thinking of if I could have done things differently… could I have tried harder? I was beginning to think I was a huge failure, that my body had failed this baby. That I had failed this baby…

But then the doctor took her out, and over her bellowing cries exclaimed, “It’s a healthy GIRL!”

Immediately, I was aware of what was most important.

The way my babies came into the world was far less important than how they arrived.  They may have come to me through drugs and surgery, but they came to me healthy.  And I in turn was able to come to them as a healthy mom to take care of them.

For me it was my first taste of what parenthood was all about.  I realized that my life as their mom was going to be filled with decisions I would have to make to determine their future.  And those decisions, I knew, would be tough and not necessarily how “everyone says you should do it,” but they would be what I felt was the best decision I could make for my family.

So let’s start here with support, and not judgment.  Share with us our birth experience in the comments.

9 comments on “Love Letter for C-Section Mamas”

  1. I had a c with my daughter…and as you say we started with everything planned out, as you do….only baby thought otherwise… :0) They kept me in a week early for pre-eclampsia and induced me Sat morning….through Saturday night into Sunday then into Monday, I wasn’t getting past 5cm. Monday morning at 6am my water was broke, I was having regular contractions but still nothing. I decided to have an epidural late Monday afternoon which was perfect timing, at 7pm the decision to was made to do a c….it bothered me in the least..all I was concerned about was my baby and her health. She was born at 7:25pm and we were back in our room feeding by 8pm. It was the best… I would do it all again if I had to. My baby came out perfect in every way and that is all that matters to me, not other peoples opinions. I am proud to be a C- section Mamma! 🙂

  2. Thanks for sharing your story and the link to the article. I just don’t get the theory and belief of some that C-sections are a failure? It is major surgery that a mother must endure for her child, the recovery is longer and harder than a regular delivery. It is a medical advancement created to help mothers and their children. I had two C-sections, my first came after 20 hours of labor and 4 hours of pushing, and my second came after several hours of labor and making it all the way to 8cm. I never once even slightly felt like a failure. I was proud of what my body was able to do, and I was proud that I was sitting up and nursing less than one hour after major surgery, walking less than 8 hours after, and eating a Franklin Giant Grinder less than 24 hours after. Be proud C-section Mammas, you deserve it!!

    1. I totally agree with you vtnative. I went into the hospital with only one idea–getting the baby out safely one way or another. I ended up having a c-section too because my cervix refused to dilate past 4 cm. But I never felt like a failure for it. Perhaps it helped to go in with no expectations and no birth plan. The doctor even commented on how calm my husband and I stayed. I told him that’s what happens with us “advanced maternal” mothers 🙂

  3. I liked this article. My sister had my nephew by c- section after many hours of horrible back labor. She too had a ” plan” that was quickly forgotten when the pain started. She always says how she feels like a failure etc. my son was born so fast I had to take an ambulance to the hospital and gave birth with not even a choice of drugs 20 minutes after I got there. Now these are 2 very different scenarios but to be honest, I kind of always felt like she was a much stronger warrior than myself because of how much harder it was for her. In the end as the article says… We can’t predict what will happen but we can go into this with the same objective. Bringing our beautiful gifts into this world as healthy as possible. No matter how they arrive. Here’s to being a mom ladies!!!

  4. I didn’t have a c but I did have inductions both times…and some people have looked down on me for that, too! I’ve heard a lot of “well you should have just waited it out”. I don’t know why people feel they need to give their 2 cents on how you gave birth, for pete’s sake! Ugh!

  5. I had a normal easy peasy with no plan, it just got done. Second kids I assumed that it would be the same. He, like your baby, came too fast and next thing I knew I was in the OR still pushing, still hoping. Many tears later out came my little bundle. I would have never imagined THAT was the easy part as the nurses let me see him for a minute or two them schlepped him to the NICU for three days. It made my fist birth look like a walk in the park. I used to want a third but don’t want to do THAT again,

  6. My birthing experience is being posted tomorrow morning and I’m nervous about it. Could use lots of supportive comments in the morning!

    Thanks for posting this Dena, really, thank you.

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