Saying Goodbye

5 comments

Having a child with ADHD makes the daily routines of getting ready to leave in the morning, and getting ready for bed very challenging. As all parents know, working or not, special needs or not, these are difficult times of day anyway. The constant reminders to please eat, please get dressed, please put pjs on are even more frequent with a child who gets distracted. He may take off one sock, and then move onto reading a book. I try to remember this. We leave plenty of time in our routine so it’s rare that we’re pressed for time because of the dawdling. We give short, multi-stepped directions to let him know what he’s supposed to accomplish (please take off your socks and put them in the basket). But nonetheless, with two kids under 5, these routines prove to be a challenge sometimes and frankly they leave me grumpy.

There have been a few things that have come up recently to make me stop and think about how I treat my husband when we part ways for the day. 4 days out of 5 when one of us leaves the house for work, I’m so exasperated by the happenings of the morning (please get dressed, please stop pouring milk into your yogurt, please put underwear on before you finish that puzzle etc. etc.) that I don’t always treat him very nicely. We love each other, we really do, but sometimes it’s just hard for me to show it. It’s the kids I’m frustrated by but because he’s the adult, he gets the brunt of it. When that happens though, I always think about how awful I’d feel if that was the last thing I ever said to him (or didn’t say). I think the same thing about my boys sometimes too. When I’m a bit too short with them in the car, or putting them to bed, I always regret it.

How can I be frustrated by these faces?

A young father we know passed away this week unexpectedly. He played softball with my husband. He had kids the same ages as ours. It really shook us. He simply went out for a run. I find myself wondering what his morning was like…and what a similar situation would have been like in our house. Would I have been at peace with my last exchange with my husband and his with our kids, or would it be something I’d regret?

5 comments on “Saying Goodbye”

  1. There are so many mornings like this in my house. My husband is usually out the door way before we wake up though (4:00am) so very seldom is there a kiss goodbye in the morning for us. We talk on the phone though once my daughter is on the bus and off to school. Occasionally he would call while I was busy wrestling my daughter out the door for the bus and I’ve barked at him. I felt really bad and apologized later.

    The way we solved this is that he now knows not to call me when we are getting ready for school or soccer practice, etc… because most likely I’ll be stressed and not so nice. It works pretty well for us. If he really needs to call though, he understands that if I bark it’s because I’m stressed and that I will apologize once things settle down.

    I also always make sure our last words to each other are “I love you” because I too worry about that “something” that could possibly happen. I want our last words to each other to be a reminder that we love each other.

    No matter what state we may be in at the time, we do Love each other.

  2. This happens to me too, especially in the mornings. I am always frazzled, in a rush, and half the time don’t even say goodbye to the hubs. Then I think, what if something happens?

  3. Thanks for this reminder Kris-Ann… i think we all know deep down how precious life is and how lucky we all are to be here one more day, but life can be frustrating. I feel the same as you when I have the opportunity to sit and focus on my own behavior (I think I’m going to institute Mommy time-outs, but with wine). Rest assured that our kids, husbands, families, and friends know we love them!

  4. This is such a great article! My husband have a long standing rule that no matter what the circumstances, mad, tired, sleeping, etc. we give each other a kiss and say “I love you” because that is my worst fear having my last words to those I love not be that about love if anything happened! Very important to remember how wonderful our lives are and how precarious life is.

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