Over the past fifty-seven months, I will have been pregnant thirty of them, or approximately 53% of the time. If I were a baseball player my batting average would shatter all records and clearly make me the MVP. In addition to being pregnant for thirty months, I’ve breastfed for twenty months. So, since December 2007 I’ve had my body all to myself for a total of SEVEN months! I feel that entitles me the right to complain about a few things, so here I go…
I feel and have felt great amounts of love and support from all of my family and friends during my pregnancies, but here are some things that I have heard (even from those I love most) that you really should never say to a pregnant woman:
- Wow, you’re pregnant again, did you PLAN this? Wow, what a rude question, and guess what…even if I didn’t plan it, I would never tell you, or actually admit out loud that this was a mistake!
- Your boobs are huge! Really! I hadn’t noticed the two cantaloupes hanging from the front of body that emerge from every camisole, tank top, sports bra, fitted top, and corset know to man! They’re big? Maybe that explains why I’m in pain every time I MOVE. Guess what, I have no control over it, so enjoy them while they last. And as a side note it is not socially more acceptable to comment on someone’s boobs than it is to comment on the size of one’s ass, despite what people think. So the next time you tell me my boobs are big, be prepared for me to tell you your ass is.
- You are definitely having a girl, look how you are carrying all over. Ok, so you basically just said I was all around fat. Thanks, and there is a 50% chance you are wrong and I’m having a boy, then what will you say to me…guess those were just love handles?
- You must be due any day now! Or, two months, but thank you!
- You look EXHAUSTED, you should get some rest. Thank you for pointing out that I look like hell, but I have a toddler, a preschooler, and a job, you try putting your feet up and resting with that amount of responsibility…HA!
- Your belly is getting so BIG! I’m pregnant, it’s suppose to be growing, enough said!
- Are you staying cool in this heat? My mascara is running down my face and my pit stains have now become flank stains, is that really an appropriate question to ask?
- Are those maternity pants you are wearing? Nah, they are just some other synthetic, stretchy waist pants in a horrible print that I got on clearance at Target.
- Do you think that you will have another baby? Right now I’m just trying to survive.
- Well, you are just a lot bigger than she is normally. Yes, this the response my husband gave me when I asked how I looked compared to another pregnant friend of ours. Guys out there reading this…it’s never ok to say this, NEVER ok to say this…don’t ever forget it!
To all the pregnant, working Mamas out there, trying to survive this awful heat let me know the obnoxious, rude and hysterical things you’ve been told or asked. I’m sending you all lots of baby love, and keep up the good work, it’s worth it!
CT Working Moms 
[…] like there are things you shouldn’t say to a pregnant woman (check out Sarah’s post!) there are also things you shouldn’t say to a non-pregnant woman. […]
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Me and my sister went to a restaurant when we were 8 and 9 months prego (our girls are a month and three days apart) when we go to get seated the waitress looked at us and said “guess we have to sit y’all at a table and not a booth” I asked why and she said “y’all won’t fit at a booth” I got angry!! And told her no I want a booth so she puts us on the same side of the table and scoots it all the way over to the other seat!! We weren’t even that big!!!!
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I was six weeks and was told that I looked like I was going to pop then they asked when I was due and I said July!!! It was two weeks before Christmas!! Then they said oh you must be having twins!! Nope sorry wrong again!!!
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I had four kids in 13 yrs. comments never bothered me. I am not sure why it bothers anyone else either. I was hit on by men so much while my womb was swollen. I found that very interesting.
What did bother me, when someone would ask how far along I was, while I had a newborn in tow. Really? You can’t see that I obviously just had a baby? So I would always answer with ” I’m 8 weeks post pardum”. Ugh. I’m a tiny gal, so it took a few months for the pooch preggo look to disappear. My mom would smack me if I said half the things you posted.
I am teaching my boys to never say a word about anyone’s weight. Never guess on pregnancy.
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While taking my 3 yr. old to his pediatrician I was within three weeks of delivering my second nine pound three oz. son. The Dr. looked at my very large tummy and said, “My gosh that must hurt!”.
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I am 38 weeks and completely relate … Today my neighbor said ” can you get any bigger?” and this lovely gem- “are you sure it’s not twins!?!”
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Wow, are you having twins? Then when I say no, they reply.. You better start buying two of everything because I swear you are too small to have just one baby!!!!
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from my sister-in-law- “so how much weight have you gained? WOW, it looks like you’ve gained so much more than that”. What a bitch!!
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Well here is my favorite one. Are you having twins? No there is just one and they ask Are you sure? My reply has been no its a litter. Come on really I think I would know if I am having twins or not. Just rude people.
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My boss has asked me two or three different times when my due date was and everytime I told him he said “Wow are you going to make it!”.
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I am a proud momma of a 18 day year old son and the comments people made, especially at the end, were very frustrating. I grew to strongly dislike the ‘POP’ reference. Balloons, bubbles, rice crispies, champagne, tires, air mattresses, all POP. Yes I am about to give birth, but not POP!!! I had the privilege of seeing my father and his girlfriend two days after I delivered and the first thing my dad says “You gotta nother one in there?” while looking at my stomach. Then a couple days later the girlfriend calls and says “I asked someone about your swollen belly….” She has never had kids and my dad never raised one so they both have no idea!! What the heck do these people think? That the stomach just flattens out after growing and hefting an almost 9 and a half pound baby?Grrr. I have been in a state of passivity for too long- I’m going to comment back starting now!! Oh and I’ve never had so many people fascinated with my vaginal health. I don’t recall ever asking anyone if they tore, nor do I plan to!!!!
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The people at my work decide to comment on my clothes constantly (about how tight they are.. or oh my gosh that little girl is making you grow all over – really, thanks I hadn’t noticed) So..I bought a couple pregnancy shirts.. I wasn’t in the office for 5 minutes and “I think people only get pregnant to get a new wardrobe”— WHAT!!!! I’ve been squishing myself into my old clothes for 6 months and you MY BOSS know how much I make – it’s not like I’m a freaking millionaire and can buy a closet full of pregnant lady clothes.
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I was leaving the doctors office and the woman walking in said “Wow your really pregnant!” Really? I had no idea I was pregnant, I just thought I was growing a watermelon in my uterus.
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How about…”I know you’re excited, but just know you can miscarry or have a still born at any moment”….my wonderful extended family. How nice of them to let me know what “can” happen, as if I didn’t understand that heartbreak was possible at any turn. I appreciate the reminder.
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My favorite comment I get is when I see someone and they say, ” you still haven’t had that baby yet!” WTH!! I feel like saying no I had him last week but decided that he wasn’t ready yet and put him back!
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Right before my husband and I drove to the hospital to have our first baby, we took one last photo of my pregnant belly. Well, my husband said “you know, I never did like fat girls.” That’s over 30 years ago–I’ll never forget those words!
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I enjoyed reading your post.. I am 35 weeks pregnant.. and really with this kind of weather i want to go to alaska…thanks for made those good points..
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Once I was in Walmart while 8 months pregnant with mt first child…this asian woman had bumped into me three seperate times in the store. I’m finally in line to pay and she bumps me again with her cart! I say excuse me do you have a problem…her response…well if you hadn’t taken up so much room you wouldnt get hit! I was so fing furious! Summer 2006 was a scorcher…Starbucks runs out of ice…power is out four blocks….im a swollen whale in flip flops now this woman!
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A colleague of my husband’s ARGUED with me over my due date. As in, I must be wrong. I MUST be due sooner than I said because I was SO HUGE.
Seriously. He’s lucky he survived that conversation.
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How about this one?
I had a friend who hadn’t seen me in 3 months and I told her I was pregnant. Her response: “Oh, you’re pregnant! Good because I thought you were eating too many doughnuts!”.
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I work with teenagers and when I told them I was pregnant I had a lot of ” miss I thought you were just getting really fat” they hadn’t said it to me though bless them. Maybe they are politer than adults!?? They weren’t so good with the sickness though. Everytime I looked a bit pale or stopped talking they’d say ” oh my god ms Colliss don’t be sick near me or I’ll puke on the table” love ’em
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I’m just happy she apologized! Seriously, how many women have endured faux pas (let me comment on your appearance, weight, health, the things that you’re eating and drinking, how awful labor can be, how awful child rearing can be) and had someone come back and apologize? Truth be told, now that I’m a mom, it’s too much effort to judge other people. Much easier to say “is that illegal? No. Okay, not my problem.”
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I’m Indian ( the south asian type) and the comment I always received from my fellow Indians was how “healthy” I looked. And no this wasn’t a compliment on me being svelte. It really meant I looked fat.
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She had to verify it with the waiter?! What is WRONG with people? So rude, mind your own damn business.
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Ooh, I forgot a couple. “You’re too young to be having a child.” I’m 27, how long should I wait? “How are you going to afford a baby?” I got this one a lot, always from strangers. I’m fairly heavily tattooed and tend to dress down on the weekends, and apparently I resemble a teenager, so maybe they think I’m a drop out living in moms basement or something. In reality, my husband and I are both employed in respectable careers and we will have zero debt come November, when our house will be paid off. Don’t get me started on my careful budgeting to make this so. I think that one irritates me the most.
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I work in an OB/GYN office and I want to start making maternity shirts that say “If you wouldn’t say it to an overweight woman, don’t say it to me” and giving them to patients. My first pregnancy was a boy and after informing the curious woman in line at the grocery store that, she asked me what position he was conceived in. People kept telling me I was “so small” that they didn’t feel the baby was “growing right”. Then my son was born at 9lbs 10oz and 24 inches long. Then people asked if I delivered him vaginally and if I tore. With my daughter, people didn’t really talk to me, save for one woman who was very disturbed by the fact that I was chugging what appeared to be dark beer out of a pint glass, but once I informed her it was draft root beer (and she verified with the waiter), she did have the decency to apologize.
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*pregnant 😉
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LOL! Or on the flip side… being asked the dreaded question “When are you due” when you’re actually NOT prenant! hahaha http://kimberliah.com/?p=1095
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At a time when you are most emotional and most uncomfortable, it seems that people feel the need to say the most insulting things they possibly could. My husband and I conceived about 3 months after getting married. At a company picnic, the CEO at my husband’s company asked me if we got married because I was pregnant. When I said no and explained that I was due the same month we were married, only a year later, she thought about it and said how it was possible we needed to get married. And after having the baby, at the Christmas party that year, she asked me if I regretted having a baby. If I did, I wasn’t going to share that with her!
I was also asked frequently if I was having twins.
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Or the opposite. “You can’t have____? I always had it when I was pregnant and my baby survived.”
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“You can drink coffee???” Yes. Duh. Leave me alone.
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Most of the comments I got related to either the heat or the baby’s sex. Yes, it is less than comfortable to be 9 months pregnant in July, thanks for reminding me! We decided not to find out the baby’s sex until delivery and apparently that’s not the norm these days. Everyone had their theories as to whether I was having a boy or girl and so often their old wives’ tales clashed – I carried all in front, so I had some people saying that meant a boy and others saying it meant a girl. We ended up having a girl.
I had male coworkers telling me horror stories about their wives’ deliveries. At the little celebration that my coworkers held for me when I was 38 weeks along, my VP felt the need to explain in excruciating detail how difficult breastfeeding is and how his wife struggled with it (a week later I was breastfeeding our newborn).
I didn’t get many questions about whether the pregnancy was planned – maybe because it was our first?
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You look beautiful Sarah! Thanks for making me laugh 🙂
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LOVE the post. I was pregnant with both kids through the summer. My first pregnancy the summer was extremely hot and I retained a lot of water. My legs looked like tree stumps. People asked if I have talked to my doctor about this to ensure I don’t have preeclampsia. Everyone had something to say about my huge feet.
Talking about how big we get during pregnancy, it all depends on our internal cavity. Some women have a bigger internal cavity so their growing belly looks smaller verse someone with a smaller internal cavity who might look like they are about to pop.
To be honest, I am probably one of the offenders of talking to pregnant women and saying, make sure you stay cool or drink enough water, etc… I’m sorry but our pregnant belly becomes a conversation piece as much as we don’t like it.
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When I was pregnant with my son, my uncle’s bookkeeper kept asking me if I was sure I wasn’t pregnant with twins. Even though I told her numerous times over several months that I was sure, she would still ask “are you sure you don’t have at least 2 babies in there?” REALLY?!?!?! 😉
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I have been asked so many times since telling people that I’m pregnant if this was planned! I’m always surprised that someone would say that! But glad to know its not just me hearing it! 🙂
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Oh this is good- real good! i hate to laugh at this now, but looking back omg i wish i could’ve had some of these responses to some of the things that came out of people’s mouths when i was pregnant with Jake!! sometimes it’s just better to smile at a pregnant woman and act like everything’s normal instead of trying to say something “funny” or make some sort of casual comment. on the upside, i always enjoyed relaying these rediculous comments to all of my girlfriends 🙂
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From a stranger at Target, ” Wow you must be having twins if you are not due till October”… went home and told my husband about this random conversation, and he said ” well you are bigger then the last pregnancy.” Way to get someone in the mood with that saying…Thanks for posting!
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lol and SO MUCH LOVE TO YOU!!!!! I was very pregnant this time last year (baby will be one on August 14th) and remember how so, terribly uncomfortable it was being so pregnant in the heat. You literally couldn’t get me out of the water. Much love to you, Dear Sister!
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