You Get the Kids You Are Meant to Have

Alternative title: Never lose hope.

As the new gal on the block, I figured I’d give a little intro post before I delved into pressing topics such as how my children love to embarrass me on the regular and why pinterest was created simply to make me feel like a terrible, underachieving mother (amiright??). 

So the basics are: my wife and I live pretty typical life with our 3 beautiful children. Unfortunately (or fortunately?) the way we came to be wasn’t quite so typical…

When we were in the planning stages, it was always our intent to foster (possibly to adopt, but not necessarily) and to have my wife (Andrea) conceive using donor sperm from a bank.  So three years ago we started out on both paths simultaneously.

and then life happened.

That first year was a nightmare.  The process to get licensed to foster was horrendously drawn out due to a number of systemic issues and at the same time, we were discovering my wife’s unexplained infertility with many unsuccessful months of trying.  It was a dark and frustrating time.

After close to a year we finally got licensed to foster and received our first placements, 3 1/2 yo boy and a 6 week old girl (the story of how that match happened is a good one – I’ll have to share it with you sometime).  That same week we ramped up our efforts on trying to get pregnant and went to UCONN to meet with a reproductive endocrinologist (we had previously been working with a midwife’s office).  All the meds and procedures continued to be unsuccessful and after a few months with the RE we tried our first IVF.  That was unsuccessful.

So I decided I’d try to get pregnant and spent the summer into fall trying.  That didn’t work either.  You’d think with 2 uteruses available things would go a little more smoothly!

After the break Andrea decided she was ready to get back in the stirrups again and she underwent her second IVF.

All this time we were still fostering our two littles and falling more and more in love with them.  While waiting for the results of IVF #2, we were informed that they would be reunified with their biological mother. Cue heartbreak. Granted, we were fully supportive of the reunification attempts, after all that is the goal of foster care, but you do fall in love and it is terribly hard.

2 weeks later we were reeling from the news that the second IVF was unsuccessful and preparing our hearts to say goodbye to our 2 foster babies who we loved more than life.  

 Then the phone rang. 

It was the day after Thanksgiving 2010 and we learned that our children’s bio mom had another baby – total surprise to everyone.  We welcomed the new baby and decided to be finished with trying to conceive.  

Months passed, everything changed with the case, reunification plans were scratched and when the children became available for adoption we didn’t hesitate for a minute with our resounding: YES!

The adoption was complete as of April 2012.  Now we are forever moms to three awesome kids and have the family we never knew we always wanted!

It wasn’t easy, it wasn’t smooth, and it certainly wasn’t anything like we had planned, but it was so worth it.

16 thoughts on “You Get the Kids You Are Meant to Have

  1. I, too, got chills reading this beautiful story. It’s so funny how things that are heart-breaking at the time turn out to be the just exactly right, isn’t it? Lovely and CONGRATULATIONS, Dear Sister! ♥


  2. wow that is amazing for you. but at the same time, i can’t help wondering why a mother wouldn’t want her 3 children. i’m sure there is so much more to this story though and those 3 kiddos are very lucky to have you both.


    1. Jessie, thanks so much for your comment. I have no doubt in my mind that my children’s biological mother loved and wanted them very much. Sadly, there are times when a parent just isn’t prepared to raise a child for a number of reasons. I won’t share specific information regarding this case, but I will share that the most common reasons for a parent to lose their rights include unaddressed substance abuse, transiency, mental illness, and abuse or neglect to the child.


  3. Wow….what a wonderful story!!! This is truly a case of “what is meant to be will be”. Amazing. Congratulations to all FIVE of you!!!


  4. You have been so strong and so positive through everything. You really are an inspiration. I especially love “the family we never knew we always wanted”. Those kids are going to have an amazing life so full of love!


  5. I love this story! Bravo to the two of you for taking this on and sticking it out even when it got hard. I used to do child protective services and so I know firsthand how crucial good foster parents are. Congratulations on your forever kids!


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