What’s your number?


I was talking recently with a group of friends and the question came up… What’s your number? No, not THAT number. The number of children you’d like to have. I found it really interesting that several of us were in the “We have two, would like another, but…” camp.

There are so many contributing factors, aren’t there? Finances being pretty high on the list for most of us, I’m guessing. Personally, I kind of think I’m crazy for even imagining a third child. Do you notice I said child and NOT infant? I don’t want another one of those. There. I said it.

Infants are adorable. They are. I know, I had two:

audrey[photo credits]

I KNOW, right? But, don’t let that little flower headband fool you. Infants? Not always so easy. Who knew?

After Audrey, I was firmly in the ONLY TWO CHILDREN, PLZ camp. The idea of a third actually made me shudder. Seriously. I feel like I might have PTSD from her infancy.

But now? Well, NOW she’s fourteen months old. And chubby and saying dada and blowing kisses and clapping and screeching in delight and full of strawberry blonde curly goodness. And Olivia is three. She’s potty trained and sleeping in a big girl bed and CALLS ME MOM. She can do everything “by mine SELF!”

exhibit a of “mine SELF!”

So now I find myself imagining a third child. Another seat at our table. Another little girl to add to our silly sisters? A baby boy? What would he look like? How would he or she change our family in a unique and awesome (and terrifying) way? Ohhh, the girls could get bunk beds and we could make it work and we already HAVE a minivan…

But, then reality hits. Around the same time we receive our childcare bill. And Audrey waking crying at two in the morning with six teeth erupting. Coincidence? Unlikely!

Here’s our “Why We’ll Be a Family of Four” list:

  • Colic
  • Reflux
  • Finances
  • We’re 37
  • Reflux
  • I sold/donated all our baby stuff
  • Right now we play man to man defense
  • We’d have to move to a zone defense with three
  • Have you read my past posts? I’m already on medication!

Disclaimer: If we were ever met with a surprise third, we’d be thrilled. Legit thrilled, people. But, it would indeed be a surprise.

So, what’s your number?

20 comments on “What’s your number?”

  1. Just had one and already thinking of 2 3 and 4. Easy (blessed) pregnancy followed by not terrible delivery and the EASIEST ( blessed ) baby ever. My family was big and husbands family is small. We both moved away so when I’m missing from my family, they still have lots of kids to fill the home and holidays with love whole my husbands family is quite and lonely. I love my siblings dearly and hope our baby will have great, lifetime relationships with hers

  2. We have one and definitely want a second. We frequently toss out the idea of three, and I have to say that I always envisioned myself having three children, but we’re going to take a few years of seeing what life is like with two before making a decision on a third. The cost of child care is one of the primary considerations, as much as I wish it wasn’t.

  3. I used to think I wanted 3. Now I am still adjusting from going from 1 to 2. It’s a man on man defense in our home, and I am sure we are done. There is an open door discusiion about adoptiong an older child perhaps down the road, but no more childbirth (or C-sections is what I really mean) for this 37 yr old working mama.

  4. 2 is my number. I have my girl and boy so the factory is closed and my husband feels the same way. I love being around babies I can play with and give back to their mamas.

  5. I love this! I just spoke about newborn PTSD just yesterday when a woman at work asked me if we were going to have a third. Our number is two but like you, if we had a surprise, we would be thrilled….after the initial shock!

  6. another great post Steph! Def 2, we’ll see after that. I loved growing up in a family of 4 kids, and always thought I wanted that. I prob still would if I didn’t have to work! We’ll see where life takes us! πŸ˜‰

  7. It is no secret among those who know me that I want a bigger family. I really don’t want 2 kids and 1 was never an option. I have my husband on board with 3 right now, but I really would like 4 or 5. I grew up in a family of 6 and LOVE my family… it is so so so much fun. And I want that for my kids, and for myself too. Obviously we will have to wait and see what life throws at us, but I just love the idea of a big chaotic, fun loud close messy family πŸ™‚

  8. I just absolutely LOVE this post!!!!!!! When we had 2, I was sure we were done! Then when I was pregnant with my 3rd I was sure we were done! Hubby is sure we’re done (in fact we just had the vasectomy talk today!) but I still feel a daughter out there somehow, someway, someday. And somehow, after you have three kids it’s like…well, what’s one more?

    For those on the fence with a third ~ I have to say, the transition is the EASIEST (even with colic…shhhh…). And it is absolutely HEARTWARMING to see my 7 year old and 4 year old with the baby, who they love dearly, dearly, dearly. They’re able to help out, watch baby while I’m in the shower, and there is NOTHING cuter than watching kids carry babies. Part of why I want one more is because I absolutely LOVE seeing how much my older children adore their baby. *sigh* β™₯

  9. I will forever be sad that i don’t have a daughter, but I am out. I love my sons, and I love that they’re getting older and less intense to care for. I LOOOVE having an almost 4 year old who can do pretty much everything himself. Infants are exhausting. And selfishly, I want to have some semblance of my own life back again. LOVE kids, love having them around and playing with them…but can’t do the whole newborn thing again. (That sounds so awful when I type it!).

  10. We have 5 kids, and I love it!!!!! yes its crazy at times, esp. balancing work, kid time, hubby time, me time and finances, but it all seems to work out, right now we are trying to decide on having another one or not, my youngest is almost 2 and if we had another the age span would be huge, for us. were not getting any younger but that never bothers me, we’ll be 40 soon, and my oldest is almost 9. if we were to have another baby it would be nice if the baby slept!!!! if not then we would get through it -like always—w/ lots of beer/wine and laughter πŸ™‚

    1. EL! (This is my Dearest friend, El, and her kiddos are FABULOUSO!!! Damn, she makes having 5 look easy!) πŸ˜‰

  11. we’re hoping to add number 2 soon but i feel ya! i’ve alwys wanted 4 but it’s so much harder than it seems! hubby says 2 is the limit but we’ll see about that… πŸ™‚

  12. I’m in a very similar place but on moving from 3 to 4. I feel like 3 is still a reasonable number of children to have – a lot, sure, but normal enough. 4 just tips the scales into crazy land. Finances, space, and travel are the biggest things that stop us…and also the feeling that at some point it never gets easy. You know, the place you are in now when things finally find a nice routine and life calms down a bit and you start thinking, “see? we got this! Maybe we *could* add another…”, I’m thinking once you get up to a certain number of kids you never get back to that place again – and THAT scares me.

  13. My number is 2, for the same reasons you have listed. BUT… if I wasn’t a full-time working Mom I would probably consider 3. It’s just so hard!

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