Last Magical Monday I broached the subject of Radical Forgiveness. In a nutshell, radical forgiveness instantly releases us from the role of victim by acknowledging that some higher aspect of ourselves helped create this unpleasant circumstance to help our soul’s growth and to help us become more of the person we came here to be. In Colin Tipping’s words (the author of the book Radical Forgiveness):
“Why Radical Forgiveness? Because it works! It’s as simple as that. If you’re mad at someone, hurting, feeling victimized, depressed, grieving or angry, then Radical Forgiveness will give you the relief you are looking for. Forget traditional forgiveness — it’s far too slow and much too difficult. Radical Forgiveness works for anyone and it is fast, easy and effective.As you release the pain and self-destructive patterns that have kept you out of joy, stolen your life and blocked your abundance up to now, you will feel a profound feeling of inner peace and freedom.”
Feeling relief, inner peace, empowerment and freedom aren’t the only benefits of radical forgiveness. Radical forgiveness also helps us stop unhealthy patterns that we may have been repeating all of our lives. If someone treats you badly and you’re unable to forgive or see the big picture, then leaving the situation or relationship is not enough. Most of the time we’ll just be destined to repeat the same unpleasant situations with new people until we FULLY and COMPLETELY break the cycle ~ radical forgiveness helps us break that cycle.
Last week I acknowledged that this can be a hot-button issue, as some things just seem to terrible to forgive, so I’m going to give a personal example.
Three years ago, someone called Child and Family Services on me, calling my mothering into question. Can you imagine what it feels like to come home to a note on your door saying that CFS was there and you need to call them back right away about an issue that has been brought to their attention? I had NO IDEA what this issue could have been and I wracked my brain calling up any parenting indiscretion that may have been witnessed.
It was an extremely trying time as I listened to the (ridiculous) list of issues that CFS was alerted to by the caller, and hubby and I mentally went through ALL our friends as we tried to figure out who would make such an outrageous call. (That was the worst part ~ the questioning/doubting of all our friends, no matter how briefly.) After much detective work on our part, it became apparent that all the things listed could have only come from one person ~ a disgruntled ex-nanny whom we had fired months ago. She had recently seen my debut on Facebook as the Sparkle Fairy for My Everyday Magic and had concluded that I had finally and fully lost my marbles. It would have been funny if we hadn’t felt so violated. Because even though the case worker herself told us that this case was ridiculous when she visited us, we still had to go through the process, the very personal questioning, and the explanations to our children. It SUCKED, plain and simple.
But you know what I did from the moment I discovered it was the ex-nanny? I forgave her. Because that made ME feel so much better than being angry or playing the victim. It certainly wasn’t easy and I had to keep doing it over and over but each time I did it I felt right, like there really WAS something I could do to make me feel EMPOWERED in this situation.
The following are some of the strategies I used to forgive the ex-nanny and still use when I know that radical forgiveness is in order (copied from my Sparkle Mission #3) :
* I have a mental “Meeting of the Higher Selves” where I visualize talking to the LIGHT of the person who I’m having trouble with ~ you’ll most likely be amazed with how differently you perceive this person’s higher self than from their physical self! I ask that the situation be resolved in a way that is amicable and for the greater good for all involved. Add whatever dialog you need to help you resolve and move on.
* List AT LEAST five things you can appreciate about this person. This is amazingly powerful! If you focus on these things when you think of the person, you’ll be amazed with how the relationship can shift.
* Use Ho’oponopono. This is a Hawaiian tradition of forgiveness that has been known to produce miracles! Basically it’s using these 4 terms when thinking of the person: “I’m sorry. Please forgive me. I love you. Thank you.” This helps in assuming our responsibility in our part of the relationship and struggle. It always directs positive energy to the person and YOU. It’s simple and effective and incredibly humbling ~ talk about moving past your ego and who is “right or wrong”.
Am I now best friends with that ex-nanny? Hell no! My blood pressure still rises a bit just thinking about her. But I don’t have weight on my shoulders about this situation and I don’t even wish her any ill-will, because I know part of me wanted to experience this for my soul’s growth and that on the higher realms she and I are sharing a laugh and a high-five as we acknowledge how well we played out our parts….
I know my example is not as extreme as what others may have experienced in their past, but Radical Forgiveness is applicable in any situation. You just have to want the RELIEF enough to give it a try. I’ve recommended the book Radical Forgiveness more than any other book I’ve ever read. We ALL have someone we need to forgive. And when we forgive it energetically makes it easier for others to forgive as well.
Radical Forgiveness ~ it’s paradigm shifting, life-changing, and it definitely makes the world easier to be in. ♥