Go ahead, gawk, gasp, roll your eyes…being honest is HARD!
Here are my true parenting confessions:
1. I constantly worry that there is something wrong with my children. If they sniffle, they must be getting the flu. Did they get up too early, sleep in too late, they must have a sleep disorder. Does their gait look funny, maybe there is something neurologically wrong with them? Over the past four years I have had to actively train my brain not to think the worst of every symptom that my children display. Occasionally I have breakthrough moments and my husband will receive a call or text from me…”Do you think Parker has Spanish Influenza?” and he will have to talk me off the ledge.
2. I spend too much time worrying about crisis related situations. For example, I have several plans on how to escape my home, with all three children, if someone attempts to break in.
3. There are some relatives that I am not crazy about. I know many people can relate to this. However, when you introduce children into the equation it becomes tricky. I do not want to pass my opinions and judgements onto my children, I want them to form their own, and this can create awkward and difficult situations.
4. I once got my daughter into her bed in the middle of a major temper tantrum by telling her that a bear was coming (I didn’t say where in particular, I just said “a bear is coming”.
5. I sometimes let my daughters forgo wearing underwear (especially in the summer). Why? Cause it feels good!
6. I have only once in four years ever taken any of my children to a fast food restaurant. I realize that I might be depriving them of something all-American, but I just can’t do it.
7. I trust my pediatrician, almost too much. If he told me to stick my child in a snow bank to prevent the stomach bug, I would do it, and most likely I wouldn’t think twice about it.
8. After giving birth to my first daughter my Mom stayed with us for a while. On the day she left I stood in the driveway crying hysterically, begging her not to leave. If I were not so sore from the C-section, I probably would have chased her down the street. I remember turning around and looking at my husband holding our newborn daughter, and he had a look on his face that resembled, “Is this really my life?” and “Oh shit, she’s crazy!”
9. I never really judged other parents before I had children. Now, I find myself judging other fathers. I really believe that my husband is one of the best fathers I have seen, and I definitely have a tendency to judge other dads.
10. I once told my four-year old that if she kept screaming (at night, in the summer, with all the windows open), that someone would call the police on her.
11. I really believe that my children are some of the most beautiful children that I have ever seen.
12. I am competitive about developmental milestones. If I hear that someone else’s four-year old is doing multiplication, you better believe I will have the flash cards and abacus out the next day.
13. I will be extremely disappointed if one of my girls is not athletic (basketball and field hockey, fingers crossed).
14. I really, really hope that my daughters do not want to take dance class. Sorry, I just can’t take the tutus, tights, and hairspray at such an early age.
15. On Christmas morning I let my daughters eat some jellybeans with their breakfast.
16. I worry, on a fairly regular basis that something bad is going to happen to one of my children. Sometimes the things that I worry about are not even logical, but I still worry. Once again, after four years I actively have to tell my brain to stop thinking about these horrible situations.
17. I do not enjoy bringing my children to the playground. It’s exhausting. As much as I love my children being little, I can not wait for the day that I can be that Mom hanging out at the playground drinking her Starbucks Frappuccino, reading her book club book on her iPad, enjoying the warm sunshine. In the meantime, I’m the crazy mom, chasing down her screaming kids, bandaging up the skinned knee, and screaming in horror as her two-year-old has just scaled the climbing wall designed for ten-year-olds.
18. My two and a half year old is completely potty trained except for pooping at night. The only way she will do it (poop at all) is if she puts on a diaper, crawls under the kitchen table, and poops. I have exhausted all strategies for convincing her otherwise. I’ve thrown in the towel and I’m taking the approach that she will outgrow it. Listen, if she’s 16 and still doing it, clearly we have problem.
19. Being a working mom is harder than being a stay at home mom. I have been home with my children over fifteen months over the past four years. I have been at home with different numbers of children, at all different ages. I believe that staying home, no matter the combination, is easier than being a working mom.
20. I loathe stay at home moms (SAHM) who are incessantly telling me that they are “tired” or “too busy.” Please refer to #19. I support and fully believe that all women have a right to choose to their own destiny. What I don’t appreciate…SAHMs who are constantly whining about not having enough time to workout, or SAHMs who are too tired to throw their kid a birthday party. So, the next time you run into me at CVS and you are telling me how tired or busy you are, keep this in mind: I’ve just spent all week answering to my boss and demanding clients, I’ve met a bundle of deadlines, I’ve been at the office taking care of business and when I leave there… I’ve brought my children to two swim lessons, I’ve run fourteen miles, I’ve had drinks with my good friends, I’ve blogged, I’ve kept my husband one very happy man, I’ve pumped two dozen times, I’ve read twelve early reader books, and I’ve made homemade thank you cards for the kick-ass birthday party I organized for my daughter. So, please, please, think about your audience before throwing out the words, tired and busy.