I Hate Cooking. No, I Really Hate It.

But it wasn’t always that way.  In my 20s, I loved cooking, because it wasn’t something I had to do everyday, there was no family depending on me to get it done, and it didn’t matter how long it took or if something was ruined in the process – if all else failed, I could just pop in a frozen dinner and call it a night.  It was really more of an exercise in playing house.

So while I still love the theoretical novelty of the experience of preparing a meal, I do not like the duty of putting dinner on the table every night, or even some nights.  It’s stressful and overwhelming, and when even the smallest thing goes wrong I feel like the hugest failure.

Every time I start talking about this, in pour the zillion “helpful” suggestions from the world’s Martha Stewarts.  Get a crock pot so you can cook whole chickens and then have some for stew afterward!  Make 10 meals on a Sunday and freeze ahead for a month!  Create a rotating 3-week meal plan!  Try steaming your vegetables!  People, I really don’t think you’re getting this.  I don’t need help with cooking, whether in terms of meal planning or food prep technique.  I don’t need recipe ideas – that’s what Googlin’ on the internet is for.  And I don’t need your suggestions for food I should buy, or a bag of tomatoes from your garden.

I don’t want help.  I want liberation.

I once remarked in front of my mother that I would give an appendage – say, oh, my left arm – if it meant all of my meals would be taken care of for life, and that I would never need to cook anything ever again.  She was horrified, for reasons I’m still not sure about, other than that I guess she just really, really loves cooking.  “Don’t you feel a sense of pride and satisfaction in being able to provide your family with a nice meal?” she asked.  But again, this is something I do not understand.  I can order take-out and feel pride and satisfaction in providing my family with a nice meal, after all.  All I feel when I cook is the urge to put myself out of my misery.

Ok, now this is where all of you anti-Marthas start in with the other kind of helpful suggestions.  Just serve cereal for dinner!  Heat up leftovers!  Make dinner from a box!  Trust me, I do that last one rather frequently.  But this still misses the point.  The alternating rage and despair when I cook dinner has nothing to do with feelings of guilt for not being a supermom.  It’s not that I want to make the perfect dinner.  I just don’t want to make dinner at all.  Honestly, who likes doing something that’s difficult, time-consuming, tedious, and needs to be repeated every. single. night?  That, to me, is the ultimate definition of hell – like that guy that has to keep pushing a boulder up a hill, only to have it roll back down to the bottom over and over again, for all of eternity.  What kind of life is that?

An ordered life.  A sane life.  That’s what the cooking lovers and matrons of a well-kept house are thinking at this moment.  Yeah, you’re probably right.  But here’s the thing:  growing up, no one taught me to value cooking as an integral part of the household, nor was I taught how to actually cook.  Notice that these are two different things.  Parents need to instill in their children the basic cooking skills, such as planning and purchasing groceries, prepping various food items for dinner, and then working with them and organizing them so that all components are ready at the same time.  But just as importantly, if not more so, parents also need to teach their children the value of dinner time and the role of sharing a meal in the family’s life.  Thinking about it now, growing up, dinner was hectic:  one or both parents were just coming home or busy with some project, food was thrown on the table for whoever to grab, I was doing homework at the table (something I was praised for), and my mother usually ate standing up in the kitchen while everyone else sat down at the table, though not all at the same time.  There just wasn’t “dinner time” in the traditional sense in my house, and I certainly wasn’t taught basic cooking skills.

I think my parents just tried to do the best they could, and they figured that those kind of life skills would be imparted to me at school somehow or during the course of my life.  And they eventually were:  I first tried my hand at cooking in college, and over time I did get better at a few simple dishes.  So it wasn’t all bad.  However, if you are raising kids now, and you don’t want them to turn out like me, I suggest you take some time to show them a thing or two about meal preparation – not just how to fry an egg, but how to make an omelette, if you know what I mean.  And then, try to sit down and eat that omelette together as a family.  I’m not saying this because I’m some sort of goody gumdrops traditionalist, but out of my intuitive sense that my trouble in the kitchen is somehow connected to the early impressions I formed around dinner and my family growing up.

But then, what do I know.  I just told you to make eggs for dinner, which is probably ridiculous.  So just order a pizza.

74 thoughts on “I Hate Cooking. No, I Really Hate It.”

  1. I know this is YEARS late but I HATE, down to my core, cooking…. my husband hates that I hate it… I don’t mind grocery shopping I just hate EVERY SINGLE PART of cooking… it exhausting and tedious! The worst part of it is that my husband and I don’t eat dinner so my husband wants me to cook “dinner” while he takes a shower and relaxes so he can take it for lunch the next day…. I also work a full time job… the last thing I want to do is go right to the kitchen after work to cook a meal that’s going to go right into the fridge AND then have to do dishes as well.

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  2. Late to this party, but I hate cooking dinner too. I AM A FABULOUS COOK. People love my meals..,,but I HATE preparing them.

    I was a child caregiver from the age of 6 (yes, really) to 19 for a terminally ill parent. My dad was a fireman who worked 24 hour shifts 8 am to 8 am) and I HAD to learn to cook, do laundry and clean house VERY young. How would you feel if you got off the school bus at 13 to be told, “Dad left the grocery money and cab fare on the table for you so you can go to the store. What are we having for dinner tonight?”

    I got SO burned out. I was mom’s nurse and my younger siblings’ parent. Dad saw nothing wrong with this and told us the story of how HIS father had pulled his sisters out of middle school to work the farm and keep house for him and his brothers OVER and OVER again. (The fact that they ran away and got married at 15 and 16 was evidence that educating girls is a waste). THIS WAS IN THE 1970s!!!

    I hate grocery shopping, meal planning and COOKING with a passion.

    IT IS A CHORE.

    I do it, but resent it. As she says it is time-consuming and TEDIOUS. My husband does help, but I still consider it a boring chore and hate it. It is not fun and I wish we coukd eat every meal out!

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  3. I truly understand those parents out their, especially Mothers who hate cooking and want someone else to do it for them, especially if they have a non active kitchen partner. For me, being a single women with no kids; I have to say I don’t like cooking either, but on different grounds. It can be expensive paying those electric & water bills when they arrive, along with other bills like Rent. Thus, I’m the only breed winner in the home that is a office contractor in and out of work all the time, with little hope getting a permanent job, living with aged pensioner parents. On another note, purchase and preparation of food can be expensive as well, than a ready cooked meal or eating out here in NSW, Australia. Further, it’s time consuming and I’d rather be doing something else. If I do have to cook, the only reason would be to survive! If I have a home party or going to one; I’d just buy the ready made food.

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  4. Wow, that is exactly how I feel. I’m eating one meal and having to think of the next one. To make matters worse, I have many food intolerances and cannot eat out of a box. Or eating out of a Gluten free, dairy free, egg free box doesn’t make it calorie free. I know you posted this some years ago but it still resonates with some people. I don’t normally comment and I have no words of wisdom for you, except your post made me feel less alone. So thank you very much.

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  5. I hate cooking so much now that I told hubby that he would have to eat whatever I cook for him. The reason in my opinion is that after marriage i cooked whatever hubby wanted leaving me unsatisfied bcuz his taste bud is quite bland. Now I cook a meal that I like and he eats it. I don’t bother about if we eat together or not because a meal can be cooked by one person but it is a family task to put it on table serve and clean up and then do dishes etc not just one person job

    Same with cleaning or any other chore if done by two or more people is easy and fun even if you made a simple recipe.

    Everything is a joint family task not even just mom and dad but everyone at home.

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  6. I can relate! I feel the same way. Occasionally, I like to cook something, but the pressure of having to get a meal on the table for a family gets to me sometimes. And I have a further complication. I’m diabetic, and so I now have to cook low carb meals. That involves a lot of cutting up vegetables and meat–no easy processed, boxed, or frozen dinners like in the early days of my marriage. I can’t even make a quick pasta meal now. That used to be one of my favorite simple meals to make.

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    1. Hi Bobette! I am actually doing a little research about the stress of cooking for mothers, for a sociology course, to ultimately come up with a solution. I would love to know more about what you are living and have your opinion on possible solution ideas. Would you agree to give me your email so we can exchange a few words? 🙂

      Like

  7. Love this. I hate cooking. Hate it hate it hate it. I’m single and live alone so it just doesn’t make sense to waste time buying groceries, schlepping them home, things go bad because once again it’s JUST ME, and all the cleanup…screw that. I don’t live in a city with 24,000 restaurants for nothing. There’s plenty of healthy, indulgent, and in-between options. I save more money using Groupon and going for specials than if I were to make it myself. And if I splurge more at certain places, so what? I hate feeling like I’m housebound. It’s a mental health thing if I’m alone, a social thing if I’m with my friends.

    I cannot stand it when people try to act all morally superior because they love cooking and never go out to eat and just call non-cookers lazy. Please, I’d like to see them have a job or business that requires them to constantly travel and be on their feet like I do. I loathe cooking and all the things that surround it. I’d rather spend the time on my social life or business.

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    1. Hi! I am actually doing a little research about the stress of
      cooking for mothers, for a sociology course, to ultimately come up with a
      solution. I would love to know more about what you are living and have
      your opinion on possible solution ideas. Would you agree to give me your
      email so we can exchange a few words? 🙂

      Like

  8. I’m not a Connecticut resident I am a stay at home mother and carer to elderly parents I came across this article on a search and loved it so had to comment. I relate to the monotony of cooking, the stress. I think men tend to enjoy cooking because for the most part women are the main cooks. Most men cook occasionally so they enjoy it, it’s just a duty especially when kids are involved. I love baking and trying out cuisines other than my own, but most of the week it’s my Asian food.
    Melanie mentioned maybe if she had been given cooking skills from a young age, and had eaten as a family perhaps she would enjoy cooking more. I’m not so sure because I was forced to cook from 10 years old, by 12 I knew how to make all the family dishes, and I was expected to make it every weekend with my mother. By the time I was 15 I was cooking more often, and I felt the drudgery of it. Now I’m 35 can you imagine how sick I am of cooking? Maybe I hate it because I was forced to do it and subconsciously those memories come into play.
    We always sat as a family to eat all meals yet I still find cooking a “chore”. To be honest I feel tired after cooking for a few hours, and my other house tasks become neglected. As I’ve smelt and tasted the food as I cooked when it comes to eating I don’t enjoy it either. I do end up resenting my husband, even though he works hard to provide a wage, because I think I may be at home but I am working taking care of my little ones, cleaning, caring for my father and his mother. I only sit to help feed my children, otherwise I do eat standing up just like my mother did, how sad is that?
    The fact is cooking is a chore and it’s a tough one, more so if you work outside the home and inside as most women do. I can understand why people had cooks maids and cleaners years ago slavery btw I don’t agree with, just in case there is any outrage on my comment. If I could afford it I would employ a chef to cook up the family meals, and a cleaner to do my toilets because I don’t have a strong stomach and the oldies damage the toilets almost everyday. Someone mentioned crying over having to do the cooking, I do sometimes, but I also cry when I see a dirty toilet having just cleaned it the night before!

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  9. This article is great! I don’t feel alone anymore. All my ms Martha stewart friends talk about how they made this dish that dish. I just feel anxiety around cooking cranking three meals a day for my kids. In the process, I forget to eat or just fed up of being in the kitchen so I just don’t want to eat and sit down with a bag of nuts and coffee. My hubby on the other hand enjoys cooking. I feel inadequate when I don’t know what to cook. In addition, I have to help my kids with homework, clean, laundry. Where do you draw the line? I just don’t want to cook but then I judged as being a bad mother or lazy not being health conscious. My kids are happy with simple veggies and fruits. So ms marthas out there stop the judgments already and focus on your own creme brûlée!

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    1. Hi Nikki! I am actually doing a little research about the stress of
      cooking for mothers, for a sociology course, to ultimately come up with a
      solution. I would love to know more about what you are living and have
      your opinion on possible solution ideas. Would you agree to give me your
      email so we can exchange a few words? 🙂

      Like

  10. Hate it. I HATE to plan meals, shop for ingredients, cook meals that my kids won’t like because they are so picky. I blame myself for that too and feel horrible that they are not getting wonderfully healthy and tasty dinners all the time.

    Has anyone considered ordering from blueapron.com? I think it’s genius. They deliver fresh ingredients for a meal along with detailed recipes (with pictures for the cooking impaired). You can look ahead at what the meals are and cancel if u don’t like it. I’m really thinking about it. I figure it couldn’t be much more money than what I’d spend-shopping or throwing out—it is preplaned pre-prepped meals—they decide, and my kids are exposed to different foods and we could learn about cooking together, and we get an occasional tasty meal. Three times a week would suit me fine…. What do you think??

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  11. Man, me too. I almost feel suffocated when I have to prepare a meal for myself. I’m 76 and think there are better things to do with my remaining years than make food. Every time I think I’ve found an article for “elderly eaters” here they come with the recipes! I don’t want recipes! I just want some simple food to eat which is half way good for me. I live alone, with pets of course, and take care of my house, shopping, bills, some of the yard, cleaning out the garage and basement occasionally, etc. so I guess my years of lousy eating haven’t done me too much harm. Guess I’ll just keep on with it.

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  12. What a relief to read these blogs! I’m 73, live alone and HATE cooking and doing dishes. I googled to see what basic things I could eat to stay alive a bit longer. Oh well, back to the other half of the dishes …Thanks Melanie! xx

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  13. Hi Melanie!

    First off, I really enjoyed your article, thank you, it is realistic and inviting and comforting to us “non-conventional’ thinkers.

    I agree fully that cooking is a duty, for biological and societal reasons alike. Like you I was never passed on cooking knowledge in my childhood. In fact, I grew up mostly on sandwiches, frozen stuff and simple made dishes given that both my parents do not care too much for cooking. My mom is a pro at roasts and meat dishes but growing up she only whipped those recipes out from time-to-time or for company. As a result, cooking in our family was not something that seemed really important, the focus was on eating together as a family and in fact, our mealtimes were really nice and where we spent quality time together.

    Fast forward 15 years and I here I am…..a terrible cook who relies on cook books and the internet to make basic stuff that most people learned at 15 years old! I am even dependent on youtube for knowledge on how to prepare/cut certain vegetables! Let alone my bad cooking skills, I graduated in Psychology and I know that with practice I could build my skills and do alright but the question is…. do I WANT to????? The answer, quite evidently from the tone of expression is a clear NO! I HATE cooking, yes because, as you mentioned, it is tedious and I too hate cleaning up but mostly because it is expected from me.

    Furthermore, I truly believe that it sucks royally that our bodies require 3 meals a day and diverse essential nutrients just to SURVIVE!!!!!! THAT to me is hell….having to prepare food, not for any gain (aside from undesirable waistline fat) but just to merely get by. I once expressed to someone that I find it ridiculous that human beings have to eat so frequently and that the latter, I believe, is something that can directly be blamed for the misery that homeless and poor people suffer. They told me that I was negative and I couldn’t help but unconsciously think of them as unintelligent for answering so loosely. Believe me when I write that I am an optimist, I truly am in many ways but I can’t help but philosophize at times and question things that most take as granted. I sometimes feel like, oh is it time to eat AGAIN??? Already??? Didn’t we just do this a little while ago? How often do we feel REAL hunger? Absolutely all of life is based on eating; from parties, gatherings, breaks at work, meeting up with a friend, watching a movie….it is always about food which I find is a shame.

    I do not yet have a family, and do genuinely want one, but I have to say that I have a huge reservation regarding being a food preparation slave and expected to live up to all the Martha Stewart moms out there. Really this scares me and I feel enslaved just thinking about it. Now that I am in my 30’s everything has become about showing off your culinary skills and trying to be the perfect family. What makes me especially sick is the little attention hungry nimwits that cook just to put pictures of their creations on facebook! Weekends are all about cooking, cooking, food shopping, more cookies for guests….geez is there ever time for anything else like sipping a tea? Looking outside at nature? Going for a walk? Anything but basing your whole day on ‘what am I going to make for supper?’.

    Social ideals:; not only am I a crappy cook but I am a vegan who is more than happy surviving on nuts, raw veges and fruits, tofu…you get the idea. The stuff I enjoy requires very little preparation. But in you should see the looks and comments I get lol. Nothing is good enough for today’s average person unless it looks like it was cooked by Gordon Ramsey. And when you entertain, even your family, there goes your whole day to ensure a perfectly clean household and 5 star supper, or so that is how it is for most it seems.

    I’m tired of this food obsessed society. I don’t want to fuss everyday about stupid supper dammit! What’s wrong with simplicity? Why not cereal for supper? Society is lame and judgmental, it’s nice to read articles like this, perhaps I am not alone!

    Wishing you a lovely day!

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    1. Hi Lisa! I am actually doing a little research about the stress of
      cooking for mothers, for a sociology course, to ultimately come up with a
      solution. I would love to know more about what you are living and have
      your opinion on possible solution ideas. Would you agree to give me your
      email so we can exchange a few words? 🙂

      Like

  17. I love this! I hate cooking so much…wait for it…I cry nearly every single night about an hour before I have to start. Yep. Daily. That if the one time out of the day that I despise. What’s weird is I love breakfast and I can wing lunch it’s dinner that kills my spirit. I mean each night, 7 days out of the week, 4 weeks out of the month, 365 days out of the year I have to “think about what my family will eat.” Then hit repeat for the next year and next and next. Boring. Seriously people, I have better things to do. I love mowing, weed eating, cleaning up, organizing, scooping poop, taking out trash etc just PLEASE DON’T MAKE ME COOK ONE MORE DINNER!!! I am the handy woman in the house. I grew up helping dad in the garage and my hubby grew up in a traditional east Indian home where hired help fixed broken down cars and so guess what he’s used to? Yep. Women cook and clean, men eat. AND THEY EAT FIRST! I about died the first time I seen that. Asking me to cook is not chauvinistic but expecting me to cook is. I think my husband built my resentment to cooking but then again, I never wanted to help while growing up because I wasn’t outside with the wind in my hair and the sun on my face. Now I’m off to cry. Dinner will need served soon. BTW…in 8 years, my husband has cooked around 12 times. Yes he may fold laundry and run a vacuum sweeper but I don’t want that. I WANT A COOK!!! lol. Thanks for letting me vent.

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    1. Hi Kourtney! I am actually doing a little research about the stress of
      cooking for mothers, for a sociology course, to ultimately come up with a
      solution. I would love to know more about what you are living and have
      your opinion on possible solution ideas. Would you agree to give me your
      email so we can exchange a few words? 🙂

      Like

  19. I love this post, cooking I such an abhorrent task. You get the kitchen clean, then you have to make dinner, it messy again. You have to keep going to the grocery store to replenish stock. the fridge always needs cleaning. The dishes never end. Seriously I prefer cleaning the toilet, it takes 5 mins and lasts a week. If you sew something, it last years. Food lasts hours, or a day or two, then your back chained to pots and pans again. I don’t like restaurants or takeaway, I prefer home cooked food but loathe the tedious relentlessness of the kitchen. Its the room in the house I like least, the one I hate going into.

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    1. I agree. And those people who say that they “live in the kitchen,” or that they want big kitchens – ugh. And those great rooms where you can see that lousy sink from every corner of the first floor – sickening. That idea came from the idea that mother wanted to be a part of things – things being everyone sitting on their asses while she slaves in the kitchen – so they put the whole room on display so good old mom could pretend that she was relaxing, too.

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    2. Hi! I am actually doing a little research about the stress of
      cooking for mothers, for a sociology course, to ultimately come up with a
      solution. I would love to know more about what you are living and have
      your opinion on possible solution ideas. Would you agree to give me your
      email so we can exchange a few words? 🙂

      Like

  20. Nice post. i also dislike prepping, cooking, cleaning. I think, “I could have worked out or read a chapter during that time.” You do have me thinking about teaching the kids the routine of figuring out the menu, shopping for items, cooking and cleaning. Thanks for the suggestions.

    Like

    1. Hi! I For a sociology course, I am studying this homemade meals stress many moms feel to ultimately come up with a solution. I would love to know more about what you are living and have your opinion on possible solution ideas. Would you agree to give me your
      email so we can exchange a few words? 🙂

      Like

    1. Melanie,
      You basically highlighted the most basic reason for despair in my life. I loathe it. I detest it. I pray to The Lord that we mutate to develop chloroplasts and eat like plants- PHOTOSYNTHESIS! All we would need then is air and water and lots of sunshine, sounds like a beach party to me 😉 My problem is a little more exacerbated. I cook for 8 adults. And they are my husband’s extended family. Over the weekend there are three meal services. WE NEVER EAT OUT! That’s like a four-letter word in house. Almost every other day we have guests over. 20-30 people and we never buy ANYTHING except fruit and bread from the outside world. I wish I could run away from home sometime. Just so I never have to see a pot again.
      I feel your pain sister, I “feels” it! Oh yes! I do!

      Like

      1. Hi Bluepolka! I For a sociology course, I am studying this homemade meals stress
        many moms feel to ultimately come up with a solution. I would love to
        know more about what you are living and have your opinion on possible
        solution ideas. Would you agree to give me your email so we can exchange a few words? 🙂

        Like

    3. My friend suggested emeals.com now mind you she works at home and her husband does all the grocery shopping so a little more time but it might work for some on here. It still does not take away the actual race home and cook part which is pretty much what I really don’t like or the grocery shopping.

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  22. I loved reading this!! I absolutely dread the drudgery of needing to come up with something different to cook day in, day out. I can actually cook, quite well in fact, but trying to plan interesting meals every day means a lot planning, a lot of grocery shopping, needing time after getting from work to make it and then clean up after it. Nigella Lawson, Jamie Oliver etc etc crap on about cooking being so easy and better for you but cooking IS their job. Someone buys their ingredients and cleans up after them. It is not enjoyable. It is boring as hell, repetitive, hard work and time consuming. I have a full time job and I have to fit in grocery shopping, menu planning and cooking into my day is just hell. Freaking hate this menial task and would give anything to not have to do it every day but we cannot afford takeaway. Now I know how my Mum felt working full time and having to feed 5 every night. No wonder she was a bitch.

    Like

    1. Hi Jo! For a sociology course, I am studying this homemade meals stress
      many moms feel to ultimately come up with a solution. I would love to
      know more about what you are living and have your opinion on possible
      solution ideas. Would you agree to give me your
      email so we can exchange a few words? 🙂

      Like

  23. Totally agree, especially about liberation! I’d rather be doing anything than cooking & cleaning. The joke around here is that the kids can actually cook some good meals better than me and I’m fine with that. (These are university aged “kids” that like organic food.) They’re studying for finals/finishing assignments tonight and they guilted me into making vegetable lasagna, sending me the recipe online. Looking forward to the weekend- I’ll be xc skiing and come home really late.

    Like

    1. Hi Terri! For a sociology course, I am studying this homemade meals stress
      many moms feel to ultimately come up with a solution. I would love to
      know more about what you are living and have your opinion on possible
      solution ideas. Would you agree to give me your
      email so we can exchange a few words? 🙂

      Like

  25. I feel the same way about cooking, I hate it! It is just my 12 year old son and I. I can’t cook well (probably from a lack of doing it) and the last thing I want to come home and do is prepare a meal for he and I. I regret the fact that when he’s an an adult he’ll never crave his moms home cooked meals. He’s a big kid & loves great food, but he devours everything in site & I can’t keep enough good stocked. It is such a chore. Needless to say I feel horrible as a mom since we eat out a lot. Problems of non cookers!

    Like

    1. Hi Sally! For a sociology course, I am studying this homemade meals stress
      many moms feel to ultimately come up with a solution. I would love to
      know more about what you are living and have your opinion on possible
      solution ideas. Would you agree to give me your
      email so we can exchange a few words? 🙂

      Like

  26. I hate cooking all my life! I better go out (expensive) or fast food (not healthy). So where to go???
    Good choice for me is customized meal plans. I recently got vegetarian one. Works well for me. I’ve even lost a couple of pounds!

    Like

    1. Hi Catrine! For a sociology course, I am studying this homemade meals stress
      many moms feel to ultimately come up with a solution. I would love to
      know more about what you are living and have your opinion on possible
      solution ideas. Would you agree to give me your
      email so we can exchange a few words? 🙂

      Like

  27. I think the secret to not to have to cook like a slave everyday is a really nice husband who will step in and help ….
    Havent seen one yet ….lol…but I heard they do exist…….like fairies …lol

    Like

    1. I’m sooooo relieved that there are others who HATE to cook and cleanup!! I worked most of my adult life what raising a family. Fast food was a favorite menu of mine. Now that we”re retired, I hate to cook even more!! We eat out a lot, but it can get very expensive. One reason I have to cook is that I have a very impatient personality. If something goes wrong (which it usually does)
      I freak out and want to scream. My husband is useless in the kitchen!!! I would eat out every meal if possible. I would like to find a grocery list of things to just put on the table with no preparation. I’m fine with toast or cereal for breakfast, but lunch needs to be more filling. Soup is good, but you need a sandwich or something with it, and you need to wash the the pan. Boy am I lazy or what?

      Like

      1. Hi Eileen! For a sociology course, I am studying this homemade meals stress
        many moms feel to ultimately come up with a solution. I would love to
        know more about what you are living and have your opinion on possible
        solution ideas. Would you agree to give me your email so we can exchange a few words? 🙂

        Like

  28. […] With Mackenzie, I had similar feelings:  no time to plan, and I’m really bad at this.  Yet, because she was the first kid, and this was the first birthday, I felt compelled to do something … big.  Now, understand that “big” for me in terms of party planning normally involves little more than rounding up the tumbleweed-like cat hair strewn over my hardwood floors, buying one of those stupid veggie platters with the ginormous tub of ranch dressing in the middle, and placing an open jar of salsa next to a week-old bag of Tostitos and a bottle of Absolut that was opened last year.  BAM–now that’s a party.  It occurred to me that a child’s first birthday should perhaps be, um, a bit more kid-friendly.  I’m not so comfortable with those big party play places (Chuck E Cheese?  Is that still a thing?) so we opted to grill some food and throw in some drinks and a birthday cake.  I actually baked the cake — two, actually — which is a really big deal for me. […]

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  29. Hi Melanie, your post really gave me a glimpse of hope. . I really really don’t enjoy cooking. I feel like a failure everytime my husband asks what we’re eating tonight and the only reply I can give back is “I don’t know” .

    You really nailed it on the head with people just not getting it and then believe they’re helping by giving advise on how to cook or make cooking easier??

    Hubby’s family all loves cooking and it’s a constant show of best meals, which always leaves me to be the odd one out.

    There! Got it all of my chest. Thank you for your post.

    Like

      1. I seriously live this post and I’m always wondering if something is wrong with me. I feel like I just spent my whole night cleaning after cooking, which I loathe anyway- loathe! I may never like it. Sometimes I get angry and start ranting to myself and I’m sure my husband and kids think I’m nuts. Did women of 30/40 years ago really enjoy this or were they in some sort of personal prison faking it??? I would die for my kids and they are my heart, but boy howdy, we might eat whatever is in the cupboard every night if Daddy didn’t make it to dinners (and we do when he travels!). P.S. I live in CT too. Thanks for the post. -freebird

        Like

      2. Hi Freebird! For a sociology course, I am studying this homemade meals stress many moms feel to ultimately come up with a solution. I would love to
        know more about what you are living and have your opinion on possible
        solution ideas. Would you agree to give me your email so we can exchange a few words? 🙂

        Like

      3. Yeah if it were me and the girls i would not do the whole cook dinner every night thing or at least not the type of dinners I do cook. It would be basic or what’s in the fridge. I think I mostly cook for my husband and that whole nostalgic idea of “the family at the dinner table” and how I am supposed to instill the cooking and sitting around the table sharing and talking idea in their head for fear that they won’t turn out to be good stable people to raise their own family. I’m starting to think this is all a bunch of baloney!

        Like

    2. Hi Liezel! For a sociology course, I am studying this homemade meals stress
      many moms feel to ultimately come up with a solution. I would love to
      know more about what you are living and have your opinion on possible
      solution ideas. Would you agree to give me your email so we can exchange a few words? 🙂

      Like

  31. Mel, if what you really hate is the clean-up, let’s move in together. You can do the cooking and I’ll do all the clean-up. I don’t mind the clean-up! I hate to cook. HATE.

    Like

    1. Yes clean up sucks too and if two women lived together the cooking, cleaning, and grocery shopping might actually not be that bad. But when you do it all (living with husband—unless you have one of those rare breeds that “help out” around the house) then it sucks!

      Like

    1. This is sooo me.. I hate cooking..Don’t get me wrong, I can cook. But li eMel I hate the demands of it. I guess after going through a divorce when my 3 sons were young..I had to cook. Their lives depended on it. Now it’s only my 15 er old and I left in the house..and I don’t cook him meals. I make sure there is plenty of food in the house for him to eat and/or cook. Once in a while, I will feel domesticated and bake chicken..that’s it. I can eat salad, salmon and my drink my protein shake every day..sandwiches..no slaving over the stove for me. I hope when I remarry that my mate loves cooking or else..

      Like

      1. Hi! For a sociology course, I am studying the stress of cooking
        many moms feel to ultimately come up with a solution. I would love to
        know more about what you are living and have your opinion on possible
        solution ideas. Would you agree to give me your email so we can exchange a few words? 🙂

        Like

    2. Hi Lisa! For a sociology course, I am studying the stress of cooking
      many moms feel to ultimately come up with a solution. I would love to
      know more about what you are living and have your opinion on possible
      solution ideas. Would you agree to give me your email so we can exchange a few words? 🙂

      Like

  33. Allow me to share with you my secret for when I don’t want to cook: October Kitchen. Someone else cooks your meals and wait for it…drops them off at your house. Lifesaver.

    Like

  34. LOL! We both had cooking on our minds this week! I agree with your theory that if you were raised in a household that cooks, you too might enjoy it (to some degree) – or maybe there’s a cooking-gene…hmmm. My mom and step-dad owned a Bed & Breakfast (this was their pre-retirement, “retirement” job for 12 years). They are both great cooks and we spent a lot of time in the kitchen growing up (my job was chopping onions -a task that I still end up doing when we have dinner together!) but the fun of preparing a meal together was instilled at an early age, as well as the skills that you discussed above (meal planning and execution). Anyway, as I mentioned in Friday’s post, I do like to cook, I just have to get it done FAST, while multi-tasking – and yes, I’m definitely among those that preps food on the weekend, so I’ll have veggies pre-chopped and all I have to do is toss it together, or freeze soups & sauces in batches so that I’ll have easy go-to dinners – if I remember to take it out of the freezer the night before. If not, there’s always eggs…toss in some, peppers, onions and cheese and call it a fritatta 🙂

    Like

    1. Well I don’t think it’s a never growing up in a cooking house that makes us hate cooking, it’s the pressure and monotony of cooking the family dinner. My mom cooked every night we didn’t do “take out” as we lived in a very small town. As soon as I was old enough I was tasked with the chore. I soon began to hate it as my mother did I am sure. In fact today when she visits she acts like she never cooked in her life. She seems to have no clue when I ask her how to make something we ate basically every week when we were kids. I think it made her so crazy she forgot all her recipes. We ate every night at the dinner table except Fridays were TV tray nights. I too have tried to do this in my family but after a day of work and toddlers screaming at my feet I am ready to call the Pizza man except that is not in the budget. I have to eat so I cook, can’t afford to eat out so I cook. I think cooking sucks under pressure and who the hell wants to do the same thing every night as well as make the stupid meal plan and eat the same shit every other week. And don’t even get me started on Grocery Shopping…worse than laundry in my opinion or cooking!

      Like

  35. I’m with you, my friend! So boring and tedious and consumed in one sitting (and eliminated the next morning). Plus I’m sick of all the animals there are in the world to eat, which should drive me to vegetarianism, but that’s boring too. I wish I didn’t place so much value on the act of EATING and could just take a pill for nutrition and be done with it.

    However, I do love to bake, which I find more time-consuming and more attention-requiring than cooking, BUT the baked goods last for a while so it balances out all the work that went into it. Plus I get a lot of praise for my cakes, etc. whereas dinner is just wolfed down without any commentary.

    Like

    2. Hi Randi! For a sociology course, I am studying the stress of cooking
      many moms feel to ultimately come up with a solution. I would love to
      know more about what you are living and have your opinion on possible
      solution ideas. Would you agree to give me your email so we can exchange a few words? 🙂

      Like

  36. When I was reading your post I was thinking I have the same spirit of hate for laundry. I just hate it. I resist it. So this got me to thinking, why do I feel differently about cooking? Both are required daily tasks that are thankless and boring and stressful; there’s a tedious inconvenience involved with both and I’d almost always rather do something else. But I realized that with cooking, I can create something I personally love. I’ve come to terms that someone (among the 3 kids and husband) will always complain about what I make, so at some point I decided that since I’m in charge of the groceries & planning, there’s always going to be some aspect of dinner I love. This means we eat a lot of fajitas. And tacos. Because I love fajitas and tacos. I try to consider what the rest of them will like too, for the selfish reason that I don’t want to hear them whining. But if I can keep at least one part of the meals as something that makes me happy, that keeps the resentment in check.

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  37. Melanie, I love you! And I love the title of this post! (Thankfully) I don’t have any advice as I don’t usually give a crap about dinner and I’m in the process of rethinking the whole thing! I don’t even really share the “family dinner time” ideal that most others do ~ simply because I homeschool my kids and hubby works from home so we are already together all day long! In any case, maybe you’re disdain for dinner is not a shortcoming that happened in childhood ~ maybe you’re just another one, like me, who is rethinking the whole importance of the whole damn thing to begin with! 😉

    Like

    1. True, although the need to eat still remains, even if the family togetherness aspect of it doesn’t really matter. Unless you’re saying you don’t cook at all — just piece together a meal from whatever you feel like eating, including stuff that doesn’t need cooking like fruit? Everyone eats different things or eats at different times? There’s still some level of food preparation that goes on at some point during the day, most days, I would think. I don’t even like making lunch if it’s too complicated. I think what I hate most about it is actually the clean-up.

      Like

      1. I want to go back to college when all I had to do was walk down stairs three times a day to the cafeteria where everything was ready to eat!

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