I’ve been having a rough few days and I’m an emotional roller coaster. This has led to a great case of writer’s block. I’ve started and deleted this post three times. I really have nothing positive to say, no earth shattering words of wisdom, no cute story from my house to yours. I had all that, and then I jumped onto my emotional roller coaster.
My feelings were there before Monday’s events in Boston. The bombing only made the feelings worse. I’m not typically a Debbie Downer. I am the one people look to for support and inspiration. There are some changes in my life right now that are completely out of my control and it’s frustrating and it makes me angry and sad and regretful. And then I think about how my problems in the grand scheme of things pale in comparison to people suffering after Monday’s tragedy-or any other tragedy for that matter-and it makes me feel even worse. Back on the roller coaster.
Today I had the day with my girls and they wanted to play. So I bottled up my feelings and put on a brave face and headed to KidCity. And all was right with the world. Not exactly. The girls were having a great time but life kept slapping me in the face, AKA my phone kept ringing reminding me of my current chaos. We came home and immediately headed outside for some playtime. It’s hard to have a pity party on a beautiful sunny day, but I was trying my hardest. The girls were sitting on the patio eating lunch. They had both been perfect angels all day. Good listeners, helpful, friendly to each other, sharing with strangers. I was awed by my wonderful two beauties. I had a Zen moment of clarity.
I am exactly where I am supposed to be.
I might not like where I am but I’m here, so I should get over it and accept it. What I’m going through isn’t the worst thing that’s ever happened to me, it’s just life, and sometimes life sucks. So what? I need to put on my big girl panties and move forward.
After my moment I was reminded of a song, Paul Simon’s Gumboots. It’s on the album Graceland, which is definitely one of my top five favorite albums of all time. The first verse of the song jumped into my head:
I was having this discussion
In a taxi heading downtown
Rearranging my position
On this friend of mine who had
A little bit of a breakdown
I said breakdowns come
And breakdowns go
So what are you going to do about it
That’s what I’d like to know
So I’m going to accept my little bit of a breakdown and try my best to move forward. It might not be pretty, but I know that it is exactly where I’m supposed to be.