A little bit of a breakdown.

13 comments
I’m trying to do less stumbling and more dancing. Source

 

I’ve been having a rough few days and I’m an emotional roller coaster.  This has led to a great case of writer’s block.  I’ve started and deleted this post three times.  I really have nothing positive to say, no earth shattering words of wisdom, no cute story from my house to yours.  I had all that, and then I jumped onto my emotional roller coaster.

My feelings were there before Monday’s events in Boston.  The bombing only made the feelings worse.  I’m not typically a Debbie Downer.  I am the one people look to for support and inspiration.  There are some changes in my life right now that are completely out of my control and it’s frustrating and it makes me angry and sad and regretful.  And then I think about how my problems in the grand scheme of things pale in comparison to people suffering after Monday’s tragedy-or any other tragedy for that matter-and it makes me feel even worse.  Back on the roller coaster.

Today I had the day with my girls and they wanted to play.  So I bottled up my feelings and put on a brave face and headed to KidCity.  And all was right with the world.  Not exactly.  The girls were having a great time but life kept slapping me in the face, AKA my phone kept ringing reminding me of my current chaos.  We came home and immediately headed outside for some playtime.  It’s hard to have a pity party on a beautiful sunny day, but I was trying my hardest.  The girls were sitting on the patio eating lunch.  They had both been perfect angels all day.  Good listeners, helpful, friendly to each other, sharing with strangers.  I was awed by my wonderful two beauties.  I had a Zen moment of clarity.

I am exactly where I am supposed to be.

I might not like where I am but I’m here, so I should get over it and accept it.  What I’m going through isn’t the worst thing that’s ever happened to me, it’s just life, and sometimes life sucks.  So what?  I need to put on my big girl panties and move forward.

After my moment I was reminded of a song, Paul Simon’s Gumboots.  It’s on the album Graceland, which is definitely one of my top five favorite albums of all time.  The first verse of the song jumped into my head:

I was having this discussion

In a taxi heading downtown

Rearranging my position

On this friend of mine who had

A little bit of a breakdown

I said breakdowns come

And breakdowns go

So what are you going to do about it

That’s what I’d like to know

 

So I’m going to accept my little bit of a breakdown and try my best to move forward.  It might not be pretty, but I know that it is exactly where I’m supposed to be.

 

13 comments on “A little bit of a breakdown.”

  1. I’m sorry that you are even in a place where you are having a tough time. We would all love to help carry your burden as much as possible. That being said, I absolutely positively loved this post. I love every part of it, especially Paul Simon. And the quote image may need to be my new profile pic on FB!

  2. I’m so sorry that this is going on for you right now. It always seems like things hit all at once and then we get overwhelmed. {hug}

  3. I needed this. I’m like you The one people always look to for advice, support and inspiration. So when life slaps me in the face I feel as though I’m not allowed to emotionally break down. THough I don’t know what’s gong on with you, I only know that What I’ve been going through the past 8 months and year plus has been VERY difficult and challenging. It’s turned my world upside down but I had to make a decision to just accept it and live my life the best I can for my boys. I applaud you for being real and sharing . It reminds me that ” IT’s OK. ” I’m sorry that life is tough foryou right now. There’s always a light at the end.

  4. Sometimes, a little bit of a breakdown is needed in order to help you put things into perspective. As long as you pick yourself back up and figure out a way to handle the things that are weighing you down, then it makes you stronger and more aware. Great post.

  5. Cora, I have these moments all the time. I also just want to say that you are allowed a pity party every now and then if that is how you feel! No one should have to keep things bottled up just becasue someone out there has it worse. Unfortunately, someone is ALWAYS going to have it worse, but discounting your feelings because of this will only make them fester. I think you came to your realization just the way you should- got out the bad feelings, let yourself feel them, and began the process of moving on. ((Hugs))

  6. Loved this post Cora. Did you read Kate’s radical self acceptance piece on Monday? I feel like you both have similar, positive messages. I too have been on a bit of an emotional roller coaster the past week (is there something in the air?). Then my hubby and I got Chinese food a few days ago and my fortune said “discontent is the first necessity of progress.” Here’s hoping that’s true…

  7. Thanks ladies! I appreciate the validation. I’m having a hard time letting myself accept this experience and putting it out there was helpful for me, so I’m glad it was helpful for you too.

  8. I really loved this, Cora. Certainly inspiring, but also I believe that messages come to us at moments when we need them or when we are hear them. I needed your message today. Being exactly where you are supposed to be can translate into a learning opportunity, even if all you learn is that things could be worse. It’s important to have perspective, and you have it, and you shared it, so THANKS!

    1. Forgot to say that “Graceland” is also one of my favorite albums. It’s incredibly multi-dimensional (I hear something new every time I listen to it) and I remember feeding my now 27-year-old son while we both listened to it (he was just a wee baby then) so I associate it with that sweet memory.

  9. I think I want to say “ditto” to EVERYTHING Jenn K said above. This WAS inspirational. I can totally understand where you are coming from, Dear Sister. And the realization that you’re exactly where you are supposed to be is nothing short of profound. I think you totally rock. ♥

  10. Actually – this post was pretty inspirational. We all have our bad times, even the most positive of us. I don’t know what you’re going through, but I know I can relate. I’m also a very positive person, but its OK to have those breakdown times. After, I just get up and continue rockin’ on. The last two years for us have been quite the roller coaster, but I believe we’re heading for an “up” in the next few months. I hope your “up” is not too far around the corner.

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