Wow. OK. I really just put that out there. It’s true. My husband and I don’t sleep in the same room.
We’ve been married for almost 6 years now but just about a year ago decided that it would be best for us to sleep apart. My hubz snores, really loudly. He tried everything over the past several years to change that, but nothing worked (including looking into surgery). The way a typical night went was like this:
Go to bed. Get woken up by his snoring, shake him and ask him to roll over. Fall back asleep. Get woken up again. Wake him up and tell him he’s snoring. And on and on.
Neither of us slept well. He hated that I woke him up to get him to stop snoring and I hated that I was getting woken up multiple times a night. Add into this scenario the fact that we also have a young child to care for and we were both just totally frustrated and tired. I ended up sleeping in the guest room mostly out of anger. I remember being so mad because I always pictured sleeping in the same bed as my husband and I felt like it was a failure for our marriage to have our own rooms. I also wondered (and still do) what we’ll tell our daughter about why mommy and daddy sleep in separate rooms but her friends parents sleep together.
To be totally honest, I was mad about this for a while. I clung tightly to the resentment I felt about things not working out the way I had imagined. And I held that resentment for a LONG time.
Then one day I realized I was past the anger. You know why? Because we BOTH sleep so much better and (here it comes) I LIKE having my own bed! YES! I love having my own bed, all to myself.
And while I thought that sleeping in different rooms would somehow worsen our marriage, I’m happy to report the opposite has been true. Sleeping in different rooms has made our marriage better – because we are both more rested and aren’t mad that the other person keeps waking us up.
And apparently although I felt alone in this, I’m not. My pal Dena told me about a new study that just came out showing 30-40% of couples sleep separately. I’m at a point in my life where I really feel like people should just do what’s best for them. Who cares if I don’t sleep in the same room as my husband? It doesn’t mean my marriage is messed up or that there’s an underlying problem. What it does mean, for us, is that we are both happier.
Can I tell you something super sweet? Each night, seriously every night, my husband tucks me in, snuggles with me and kisses me goodnight. Sometimes he even writes me a cute note on the whiteboard we having hanging on the wall near my bed. Then I drift off to sleep knowing that the two people I love most in the world (my husband and daughter) are each in their own beds, getting a great night sleep.