It’s October. The END of October. Since the new school year has started, would you believe I still don’t feel like my house has fallen into some sort of “routine”? As the summer drew to a close, my anxiety decided to have a temper tantrum. OMG, the school year is about to start, I’m not ready! There’s no way I’m getting school shopping done! Um, school lunches; does Nutella on a spoon a banana with an organic milk box thrown in count? The temperature outside; it’s hot, it’s cold – it’s Katy Perry. OK, well how about this. Then comes all of the what I like to call, “not to worry condolences”. You’ll be fine; you just have to fall into a routine. Don’t worry, once the year starts, you will find a routine. You will find your routine…ROUTINE, ROUTINE, ROUTINE. Yes, that’s an echo. Did I mention my anxiety has temper tantrums? This is not helping.
Sigh, so here I am at the end of October, and guess what? No routine! We’re also full swing into the fall equinox – a time of year for change, transition and preparation, though I’m not entirely sure what I’m preparing for? Oh, Oh! I know! Routine? Here’s what I know for sure, with three kids under ten years old, a full-time job and a part-time job, juggling those variables and still making time for my marriage; routine just doesn’t come easy. I sometimes feel that when I became a mom, there was this contract I signed unbeknownst to me regarding how I needed to “be”, like all the time. I think all moms go through this. I swear Rumpelstiltskin hijacked my emotions!
In my haze of non-sleep I somehow succumbed to the pressure and signed this contract to doubt myself, second-guess myself and play the “I should be” game. I should be more organized, I should be more thoughtful about lunch, I should have a routine and I should really fold that basket of laundry, like now. The pressure to “be” this and “be” that is like a vice grip on my inner “just be”.
Perhaps I need to change what my expectation of “routine” really is. Somewhere in the depths of my mind, it means perfection. But really, perhaps my/our family day-to-day is actually just that, routine. MY routine, and it’s that routine that I need to make peace with. And that routine is AWESOME-SAUCE! Imperfectly perfect. Here’s another thing that I’m learning – nothing in this precious life is ever really perfect. And no one else’s life is more perfect than mine; it’s just their experience and their day-to-day. Time to wake up, break the contract and be the change! Perhaps that is the change I need to see in my world. If we simply surrender our expectations something wonderful happens: we realize that we do the very best we can each day. For ourselves, our families, our co-workers. And suddenly we begin to notice something. Clarity. Being able to see what has been with us all along. Routine. What a concept. Your move Rumple.