I wanted to take this time to personally apologize to my husband during this pregnancy for the following things:
1. As soon as I walk through the door I will instantly turn from a polished career woman to a disgusting, bra-less bum. I will not be bringing sexy back…
2. I will be crying randomly at the following things: Pampers commercials, myself, you, just about everything.
3. Dinner? Wait, what is that word? I will only have the energy to heat things up in the microwave. So get ready for a flashback to college.
4. Sex will occur still, but you have five minutes before I fall asleep.
5. Due to my sweet cravings if you bring home anything with sugar it will be devoured within 5 minutes.
6. Since I am unable to see my own vagina anymore you can imagine the upkeep that will be taking place.
7.You are not dreaming about being on the sea; it is actually me tossing and turning constantly overnight.
8. I will curse you for “doing” this to me. While this is crazy and unreasonable as we planned this child I will insist it is all your fault.
9. Oh speaking of craziness, I WILL BE BAT SHIT CRAZY due to hormones. You may as well recognize you are living with a ticking time ball of hormones about to explode all over you at any moment. Tread lightly!
I hope by apologizing today, you will forget this 9 month period where I act like a completely different person. You continue to be supportive and understanding so I want to reassure you that this phase will pass.