Touching the Elf: A Redemption Story

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The temptation was just too much for her.  It was the day after Thanksgiving and our Elf, Alex, had just arrived that morning from his summer gig at the NSA, I mean the North Pole, for his yearly visit.  I was at work and received the text from my husband that no parent wants to get:

Someone touched Alex ‘by accident’ while I went to the bathroom.”

Oh no, it had only taken 4 hours for Zoey’s patience to wear off.  She did it.  SHE TOUCHED THE FREAKING ELF!!

In case you’re unfamiliar with the Elf on the Shelf, the basic idea is you, the over-tired and over-worked parent, who can’t wait for the holiday tantrums and misbehaving to start, enlist an elf to come to your house to spy on your kid.  Through the wonders of Christmas Magic, said elf travels to the North Pole each night and gives Santa his full briefing on your child’s behavior.  Then he’s back for another day of spying Christmas cheer and threatens encourages great behavior!  The catch is, your child has to BELIEVE in his magic and that means NO TOUCHING to see if he’s real!  Or else, bam!  Christmas Magic is gone, no more elf.  So essentially, you touch the elf, you ruin Christmas, kid. But no pressure, right?

Our elf had unsuspectingly gone into enemy territory and been compromised.  And we were only at day one of a very long season!  WTF?  No more Christmas magic?  How was Alex going to get back and forth to the NP each night to tell Santa how *ahem* good Zoey was being?  Better yet, how was he going to be magic enough to handle HIS share of the parenting during this crazy season?  We had to get him back on the job-pronto.

Credit for “Operation: Bring Xmas Magic Back” goes to my husband.  He came up with a great idea to have Zoey dictate an email to Santa (me at work) and ask for some magic elf dust.  Get ready for your heart to grow three sizes:

santa sorry
Aw! Even her double negatives are adorable!

 Santa, the jolly old fellow that he is, came through and sent back this:

Dear Zoey;

Thank you for your email.  As a man surrounded by toys all year long, I can only imagine how tempting it was to touch Alex.  He is just so cute and loveable, isn’t he? HO HO HO!  But remember, Christmas Magic is a special thing and rubs off easily. Elves need as much Christmas Magic as they can to get to the North Pole and back to your house every night!

 

Because you are so good all year long and asked so sweetly, I will send you some special Christmas Magic Dust right away.  Please sprinkle it on Alex as soon as possible and say these words:

 

Christmas Magic come back to my elf,

 From now on I will keep my hands to my self!

 No more naughty list for me!

 A good little girl I will be!

 

That should do the trick! Be good, don’t pout and remember to be nice to others!

Love,

Santa

Saturday morning, when what to her wondering eyes did appear but a special delivery of Christmas Magic Dust–in our mailbox no less!  Zoey quickly tore open the envelope to find a tiny plastic bag of crystals tied with a red ribbon.  (Shhh! It was salt!)  She said the magic chant and dumped sprinkled  the Christmas Magic Dust on her elf’s head.  There was nothing left for us to do but wait and see if this cure worked.

Oh yeah.  I got the good sh*t right here!
Oh yeah. I got the good sh*t right here!

She went to bed that night, hoping that Alex would be found in a new location, proof that he had been well enough to go to the North Pole and back while we slept.  A team of reindeer could not have kept her in bed past 6 a.m. on Sunday.  She dragged me out of bed to go on the hunt with her, calling his name.  “Alex! Alex where are you!”  And there he was, sitting in a glass jar on top of our entertainment center, creepy goofy grin on his frozen plastic face.  Judging by the height of his perch, he wasn’t taking any chances.  No more touching for this elf.

Ever since then, Alex has been on duty, appearing in a different spot and creating mischief every day.  For her part, Zoey hasn’t tried to touch him since.  She wakes up every day and searches for him. The look on her face is priceless each time she finds him.  I overheard her having a full-on conversation with him about her holiday plans the other day.  Christmas. Saved.

Ba-bam! Parenting. That’s how its’ done.

11 comments on “Touching the Elf: A Redemption Story”

    1. I have to say, I reread your post and Santa’s response and OMG, you have no idea how much I love this post… that response is just so MAGICAL.

    2. Thanks! She was so relieved that there was a solution and that there wasn’t a permanent spot on the naughty list for her! Although I had to make sure the Christmas Magic dust came in a tiny package. I let her know it was a one time deal, not just for any old time she felt like touching the elf!

  1. What a fabulous post. I can’t even begin to count the ways! Your husband’s email idea, Zoey’s earnest apology, your “magic crystals,” her conversation with Alex….I thought the Elf on the Shelf thing was a little peculiar until you brought your amazing humor into the situation! Loved this.

    1. Thanks Randi! Glad I was able to get you to see the “magic” in all this creepy elf stuff! She honestly talks to him all the time now! The problem is, she keeps telling Alex to tell Santa all these toys she wants for Christmas. Her expectations are going to really exceed reality! At least she’s having fun!

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