Almost exactly a year ago, my husband and I were at just about our lowest of lows of our infertility story. We had recently learned about my husband’s abysmal sperm count and were continuing testing for him. The term “IVF” was being thrown around, and I was devastated. I remember going to the urologist with him in early December to learn more about his diagnosis and figure out the next steps. We were starting to turn the corner to figuring out a good plan of action, but pregnancy seemed like a long way off.
Early on in our TTC journey, I was holding out hope for a 2013 baby. For the longest time, I was thinking early 2013, but that soon turned to hopes of a baby any time during 2013. Then, there we were, at the end of 2012, with the realities of IVF facing us. How many tries would it take us? When would we even be given the go-ahead to start our first cycle? I saw my dreams of a 2013 baby quickly fading. The start of our IVF cycle plus nine months felt like an eternity away.
When we got the green light for our IVF cycle so early in the year, my mood changed, of course. It almost didn’t matter to me that the start date was in April (finally, some progress!), with some quick math showing that, if the cycle worked, we would have a January baby, just a few days beyond my 2013 deadline. Of course, that’s if the cycle was successful. I began to wrap my head around 2014; how old I would be, how old my husband would be, how old the cousins would be, and all that. It’s hard to not measure your goals against the passing of time.
And then, the cycle worked! January 2014 here we come, no looking back! Now, that we’re so so so close to our due date, I’m wondering if we’ll have the baby in the final days of 2013 after all. Because of the gestational diabetes, I’m being induced a bit early; I’m scheduled for very early January. At my doctor’s appointment today, I was told approximately 30 percent of all scheduled inductions go early. Gulp! Any earlier will mean a 2013 baby after all!
Why is the date so important to me? I’m not exactly sure, especially since the difference between a 2013 baby and a 2014 baby will be measured by mere days, not even weeks, let alone months. Maybe it means meeting a goal I had set for myself, no matter how crazy-unpredictable it was. Maybe it makes that eternal passage of time we endured for two years seem a little more bearable and worth it. And maybe just a little it means getting an extra tax credit for this year (just kidding, kind of-sort of. Clearly our quest for a baby means much, much more, but a nice return next year would be welcomed, no?).
A baby in time for the New Year, or for Christmas? Soon enough, we’ll know. I suppose right now only Baby Boy knows the real answer!