I love stuff. There. I said it. Now before you get all worried, I’m not a hoarder. I just feel as if I buy way too much stuff that I don’t really need. I’ve been struggling lately with not just the stuff, but how much I’m spending on the stuff too. It came to a head the day after Christmas. The joy of giving my daughter all the items on her list that she dreamed of was awesome, but now where do I put it all and does she really need 20 Barbies? I am happy that I didn’t pay with a credit card for much of the stuff, I stuck to cash. But I have to admit, the till went a little negative when it came time to paying the important stuff, like the utility bill and oh, I don’t know, the mortgage.
I’ve known that I have a problem for years. I mean, seriously, who loves shoes so much that they have to switch them out by all four seasons so that there’s room in their closet? (Did I mention that it’s a walk-in closet?) I have about 12 different coats—just for winter. I am addicted to makeup and skin care. I have taken over the cabinets in two bathrooms with bottles and tubes. I’m a sales person’s dream. I keep buying new products in search of the perfect shade, the perfect regimen. When I look in the mirror, I still see the same old me, just sometimes with the wrong lipstick shade. I have no interior decorating skills-none-yet whenever I go to Ikea, I end up with a cart full of hip knick knacks that I just KNOW I can do something cool with. A quick trip there this weekend for a desperately needed new bed turned into hours of filling the cart (ok, a cart and two flat-bed carts) with stuff I also definitely needed.
It’s time to get a handle on this need for stuff. Why do I feel the need to buy it all? Am I trying to fill an emotional hole with stuff? What am I trying to prove? I love the feeling I get when I’m buying the stuff. I feel happy and excited and carefree; I even feel creative when I’m trying to put an outfit together which is something I don’t usually feel. It’s the aftermath that I can’t stand. I can get lost for hours online looking for that perfect thing, only to feel ashamed that I wasted so much time looking for more stuff. When I’m in an actual store, I can lose track of time on the hunt for all the goodies that I need, but I keep going, telling myself “Just one more store and you’ll find it.” Then I drag my bags inside the house and wonder what the hell I just did. And I don’t feel good.
I’ve been told that if I keep track of how I spend my money down to the penny, I’ll see the error of my ways and realize that it has to stop. I’ve done that before. All it did was help me see where I could spend more. Oops. I used to say that my hobby was shopping. It’s good to have a hobby, right? My husband has golf and I have shopping. Well, I think it’s time for a new hobby. This one is getting ridiculous.