Ladies – I know a lot of you can relate to what I’ve been going through lately. A lack of energy, irritability and a never-ending to-do list can really cause us moms to be too tired after our kids bedtimes, that we basically fall asleep as soon as our heads hit the pillow. Even worse, we can become distant with our significant others, which takes a large toll on our already strained relationships. That being said, instead of giving my husband a traditional Valentine’s Day card this year, I gave him an apology letter right before bed, with sincere, raw wording that no Hallmark card could ever provide.
I know sometimes I can be irritating and come across as frustrated and distant, but I want you to know that tonight, as I lay beside you, that it is me, Melissa. Tonight, I’m no one else, but the person you married. I am the happy, excited, somewhat quirky woman who married you five years ago.
I am truly sorry for not having the energy at night to talk and I’m sorry for getting frustrated so easily lately. I don’t know if it’s the weather, a combination of just being busy with work, home and trying to sell our house, but nonetheless, I want you to know that this isn’t me. This short fused, overwhelmed lady who lays down with you each night, isn’t the same woman you married. While many qualities you married me for still exist, the ones that you didn’t marry me for have lately outshined those great qualities.
You have a lot on your plate too, and I need to be cognizant and sympathetic of that as well. I can’t act as if my and our daughters feelings and well-being are the only ones that matter. I am sorry for being neglectful of yours.
So, this begs the question –where do we go from here? I can repeat over and over again to you how sorry I am for not being the greatest person lately, but if I keep having to apologize, am I really trying to change my habits? I guess the answer is no.
However, I’m going to make this commitment to you: I am going to try my hardest to be calm, cool and collected, for not just your sake, but for mine as well. I am going to be more patient and less frustrated, and if that means I have to walk away for a few minutes to gather my thoughts, then that my dear is what I am going to have to do. I love you, our marriage, our wonderful family and I respect it far too much than to just ignore the actions I need to change.
While we’ve had a wonderful five years together, I am committed to making the next fifty years even better. I need to realize what is important in life and to live more “in the moment.” Dirty dishes and laundry can wait, along with planning meals and cooking for the week.
I love you and I am sorry.