As I was helping Jake go to the bathroom during daycare drop off this morning, he, um, “missed” a little. So as I was standing there with a wet foot, I realized I was due for another installment of “You Might Be A Mom If…”
You might be a mom if your once chic handbag that used to house $35 lip glosses, a random assortment of pills loosely thrown in the bottom, and a tin of Altoids, now contains dirty Kleenex, a random assortment of crushed goldfish crackers thrown in the bottom, and 3 Hot Wheels cars.
You might be a mom if you’ve gone to work and realized halfway through the day that you have barf in your hair. No, not resulting from last night’s late night out with the girls, but from last night’s late night up with a toddler with the stomach bug.
You might be a mom if a recent look at your credit card purchases does not show the usual charges from your hair salon, Max’s Oyster Bar, and J.Crew, but instead you see charges from Snip Its kids cuts, McDonald’s, and Carter’s.
You might be a mom if you used to pick up a bottle of wine on your way home from work, but instead have now smartened up and buy it by the case, keeping your favorite pinot grigio stocked at home. You know, because just in case.
You might be a mom if you keep a stash of necklaces, bangles, earrings, and rings at your desk at work, because any time you try to leave the house wearing those things, a child will grab, paw at, or accidentally choke you while playing with them.
You might be a mom if your Pinterest boards are now overridden with crock pot recipes, creative ways to pose an Elf on the Shelf, any recipe that has a maximum of 5 ingredients, one of which is a can of cream of something soup, and tips on how to remove beach sand from a child’s legs with baby powder.
And finally, you might be a mom if your idea of a “good night” consists of everyone in the house fed, bathed, and read to by 8:00, and a glass of wine in bed with an unlimited Netflix stream of last year’s sitcoms. Because now you actually have the time and energy to watch them. This year.