Can We Be Honest on Mother’s Day?

7 comments

Many years ago, while I was getting the best haircut I ever got in my life, Will the hair stylist and I got to talking about Mother’s Day cards. Turns out we both had the same predicament: none of the loving mushy cards seemed to match our complicated relationships with our mothers.

For example, I couldn’t buy a card that said, “Thank you, Mom, for always being there when I needed you,” because she wasn’t. I couldn’t buy one that said, “Thank you for always making me feel special,” or “Thank you for supporting my dreams and goals,” for the same reason.

Will the hair stylist and I realized there needed to be a whole new genre of M-Day cards, and now, 15 years later, I am shocked that no one has capitalized on this niche market! Come to find out, many of the other moms I know have a similar dilemma, so I have volunteered to create some M-Day sentiments that can and should be made into HONEST Mother’s Day cards. Feel free to borrow them as needed.  Here we go:

Cover of card:   embryo

Message:

Thank you, Mom, for giving me life. I wouldn’t be here if you hadn’t, and you wouldn’t be celebrating Mother’s Day.  So Happy Mother’s Day to both of us!

 * * * * *

Cover of card:  Bare necessities

[This could be one of those musical cards that plays “The Bare Necessities” when you open it]

Message:
Mother’s Day is a time to remember all that you have done for me:
• You potty-trained me.
• You taught me to read.
• You showed me how to tie my shoes.
• You gave me food, shelter and clothing.
I’m a much better person because of this, Mom, and I truly appreciate your efforts.  

* * * * *

Cover of card:  evil stepmother

Message:

It’s Mother’s Day, and now that I’m a mother myself, I really understand the challenges you faced…
…and I wonder why you were so freaking nasty about it.

* * * * *

Cover of card:  Mom at salon

Message:

Mom, I’ve learned so much from you over the years, so I’ve made these promises to my own children:

♦ I will never leave them a message saying, “I’m suffering,” because my air conditioner is broken.

♦  I will never complain about the $5 copay for my medication when I have plenty of money in the bank.

♦  I will never miss a school function because that’s the only time my hairdresser is available.

♦  I will never make them take me to get blood tests and a colonoscopy when they are visiting me on their one week vacation from work.

♦  I will never take their spouse’s side in an argument instead of standing up for my own child.

♦  I will never make my kids feel guilty the way you do to me.

* * * * *

 

Cover of card:  evil face

Message:

On Mother’s Day, I’d like to say,

I wish that you would go away.

Your constant harping makes me ill,

Of your criticism I’ve had my fill.

You seem to think you know it all,

But I remember when I was small,

A mother who was less than ace.

If you look in the mirror, you’ll see her face.

* * * * *

Do you think the kids of today will seek out cards that say:

Momcellphone

Oh Mom, put down that gosh darn phone.

We’re together but I feel all alone.

 

Brutally Honest Mother’s Day Cards – we really need them!

 

 Many thanks to Disney Co., which always seems to produce exactly the right images.  Other images are public domain.

7 comments on “Can We Be Honest on Mother’s Day?”

  1. Thanks everyone. It’s such a loaded topic and I am lucky to be able to get it all out without being concerned my mother will read it (although even if she were alive, she wouldn’t be reading my posts).

  2. Awesome! I’ve said this before about Father’s Day cards! Thank you for putting humor to a non-humorous subject! And I am totally going to end up with that “get off the phone” card. Yikes.

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