10. Kid whispers.
You know what I’m talking about. My 5 year-old has “mastered” the art of the whisper. Really she just cups my ear and breathes her hot breath into it while also talking at a normal volume while she tells me a secret.
9. The countless number of times you have to do bedtime in a single night.
Last night I think I went up the stairs FIVE times. I want my door open, I want my door closed, I want the fan on, the fan is too loud, I’m lonely.
Although the silver lining is I get to rack up my step count of the FitBit.
Kids have figured out the perfect volume of whine to make you feel like your ears are bleeding. Stand strong ladies. One weak moment during a whine-fest and you’re out buying a pony. Anything to get the noise to stop.
7. Kid music in the car.
This one is a double-edged sword. I don’t want the littles to listen to pop radio on the regular necessarily, but at the same time, I’d like to never hear “Love is an Open Door” at full-volume again either.
6. Never going to the bathroom alone.
When I’m in the house by myself with the kids I purposely go upstairs to my bedroom to use the bathroom because there would be two doors between me and the kids. Yesterday they both came into my room and the bathroom to “tell me something important”. No one was bleeding, nothing was on fire so I’m still kinda confused as to what was so important that Mommy couldn’t have five minutes in the bathroom to herself. I think the next time one of them goes in the bathroom I’m gonna walk in, sit down and say “Can I tell you a story?” Actually, that plan might backfire.
5. Never drinking a beverage without sharing.
“Can I have a sippa yo soda?” is Kitten’s favorite phrase. [Note: we don’t actually drink soda, just seltzer] Anytime I’m ever drinking anything both of my kids ask to drink it. It could be battery acid and because Mommy’s drinking it it must be the most wonderful beverage in the world. I tell them no most of the time, but then it always goes back to #8. I sure as hell better not have a drink in my hand the next time I go to the bathroom.
4. Never eating a dessert without sharing.
We don’t eat a lot of cookies, cake, or ice cream in our house, typically just for special occasions. You can be sure that when we do one or both girls will eat their helping and then try to climb onto my lap and eat the rest of mine. (Apparently this is payback for my childhood ways as I too was a dessert steal-er.)
3. School lunches.
Oh.mah.gawd. I can’t take another day of the lunch packing. How am I possibly going to have the stamina to keep doing this 10 months a year for the next 15 years? GAH!
2. “I peed.”
This phrase never ends well. The pee in question is almost always NOT where it’s supposed to be. The brand new living room rug, the couch, the car seat. There is always massive clean up after this phrase.
1. They grow up.
Of all the things about my kids that annoy me, this is the worst one. Just when I get used to them being the age they are and doing the things they’re doing they go and develop into some new version of themselves. It’s cool, sad, and annoying all rolled into one. Perhaps I need to keep this in mind the next time I’m forced to endure any of the other annoyances.