Perhaps that title should read “crazier” because “crazy” is already the defining characteristic of my life.  Wait, I know…top 5 ways to send a working mom OVER THE EDGE.

1. Notes home

Got a note home from camp about my son not having a napkin in his lunch today. Seriously. A napkin. For my 8-year-old son who is completely capable of walking himself to the bathroom for a paper towel should the need arise.  I couldn’t even wrap my brain around that level of insanity.  My kid had food, shoes, and had showered within the past week. You should be sending me home a gold f-ing star not a note about a napkin.

2. Sick kids

How young is too young to teach a kid how to rally? Because when you do the math of multiplying 3 children by 768212987 common childhood illnesses, you far exceed the amount of paid time off I have for my lifetime. And without fail, they always ALWAYS get “sick” the couple of weeks a year when my wife and I are both swamped and can’t take off of work. I call bogus on those illnesses BTW – the ones that appear as a 104 fever in the morning then disappear completely by noon. The kids aren’t sick, they are conducting top-secret military-style testing on my sanity and character.  Spoiler alert: I fail.

(See also: snow days)

3.  Last minute meetings

Listen, I’m a dedicated employee who puts in some serious hours to climb that treacherous corporate ladder, but the way that I can do it while also having 3 small children at home is: scheduling, scheduling, scheduling.  Ye who messes with the golden calendar shall be doomed.  What you don’t realize is that “grabbing me” for a “quick meeting” at 5:30pm when I thought I was walking out the door requires approx 20 phone calls to coordinate camp pick up, gymnastics drop off, dinner, baths, and rescheduling my Peapod delivery.

4.  Scheduling school functions during work hours

I’m already feeling all types of guilty about not believing my kid when they are sick and having to cut out of that last-minute meeting early and now you are making me miss little Johnny’s spring concert too??

5. Summer camp

As we’ve previously discussed, camp schedules in this area are out of control. If you want a full day, you’ll need to pay more than a second mortgage, and the ones that are reasonably priced barely cover enough time to go to the grocery store and get a workout in, never mind a full work day. 9am to 2pm Monday through Thursday for 6 weeks of a 10 week summer – and that was one of my better options.