Sexual Healing


I’m a firm believer in the fact that we don’t talk about the struggles of marriage enough.   A lot of people enter marriage with rose-colored glasses thinking that everything will work out fine all because two people committed to each other.  If only that were true.  Marriage is hard work.  Any relationship that is worthy of maintaining is hard work.

One of the hardest things in marriage to talk about and navigate is sex.  Why is it so hard to talk about sex with the person with whom you are having it?  Why is it so hard to talk about sex in general?  Aren’t we all sexual beings?  Isn’t sex an important aspect of a healthy marriage?  Then why is being open about sex and the challenges of maintaining a sexual relationship so hard?

I have a few theories.  I think it’s awkward to talk to someone else about what they do sexually.  Sex is a taboo subject in most cultures.  Although again, why?  I wish someone had been more open with me about sex in marriage before I got married.  Lots of people joke about sex after kids (or lack thereof) but no one is honest or frank about just how much sex changes over time in a relationship.  So, here I go.  Let’s put it out there.

I’ve talked about sex pretty openly before on this blog here  and others have too.  So I’ll be honest and say that recently my sex life has taken a major nose dive.  There are lots of reasons and even though Honey and I talked about it nothing really changed.  Well, that’s not true.  Our relationship was changing because of it, and not in a good way.  We have had deep conversations about this and came to one conclusion as an attempt to solve our problem.

Have more sex.

We each agreed that we would have sex every night for a week.  No excuses.

After the week we’d re-evaluate where we were and how we were feeling.  But we both decided that to fix the problem we had to face it.  Fight fire with fire as they say.

So did it work?  Are we healthier sexually than we were before we started?  I’d like to think so.  In the spirit of true confession I will say that we lasted 3 days and on the 4th day both of us agreed that we could stop our “experiment”.  We talked about what we learned.  We both learned different things about ourselves and each other but perhaps the biggest lesson was that having a healthy sex life in marriage (for us anyway) is all about compromise.

We have a plan moving forward that I hope will work to address some of the issues we had been having.  If it doesn’t I know we’ll talk about it and revert back to our original have more sex plan.

So, would you try the sex every day for a week experiment to spice up your life?

5 comments on “Sexual Healing”

  1. I’m so glad you brought this up. It’s certainly not anythjng that we talk about and I wish we would! Thanks for your honesty.

  2. We’ve gone as far as making an “every day for 2 weeks” pact (and stuck to it!). If nothing else, it’s a great reminder that there IS time and it is important.

  3. “Have more sex.” Amen, Sister! Hubby and I have gone from sex twice a month to sex twice a week (sometimes more). HUGE difference in so many ways. (And I’m laughing because in the past we’ve agreed to the do the “sex every day for a week” and have stopped after 3 days too. It’s the “have-to” part that’s uninspiring.)

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