What’s better after a long day of being a mom than a glass of wine, amiright? Work obligations and responsibilities are stressful! Children drive you bananas and leave you begging for mercy! The kids’ bedtimes bring with them reprieve from the chaos of the day. Finally, a glass of pinot or merlot, feet up on the ottoman, flip on your favorite show, and mentally check out and relax. Scroll through your Facebook feed and someone is always commenting about wine or posting a funny meme centered on the subject of alcohol. Wherever I go, moms always seem to share that common thread, the unspoken sisterhood of the cork. Or screwcap when shit gets real in a pinch. Moms’ get-togethers or girls’ night out always mean cosmos or fruity drinks in fancy glasses. Motherhood and wine go hand in hand.
Ummmm … But not always. I’m a teetotaler. I’ve never drank wine as a mom. Actually, I haven’t had any alcohol in over 13 years. The decision to exit my lousy relationship with alcohol has allowed me to have a beautiful life. I never question putting the cork in the bottle and have no desire to pick up again. And I don’t judge those that drink; in fact, sometimes I really enjoy watching other people relax and have a good time. Hey, I may even get a little wild myself and over-caffeinate if I’m in the spirit!
But even with all of the confidence in the world that I made a solid decision and have no intention of wavering, every once in a great while I feel a little left out. Occasionally I even feel a little envious. And sometimes I feel a little shameful, embarrassed. A woman that doesn’t imbibe? Really? Why? Not even one? Just have one! Well, just have pinot then. Really? You sure? Oh. OK, that’s cool. I get it. Well, just have the champagne for the wedding toast then.
I suppose that I don’t worry so much that I can’t relate to others as maybe they might feel that they can’t relate to me. Like, sometimes I’m concerned that my abstinence might make people feel uneasy. Or that it might make them feel as though I’m going to judge them if they chose to drink in front of me … making them feel the need to explain themselves or justify drinking. (I promise, I’m not judging!) And maybe those thoughts are just in my head. But sometimes it feels like a little combination of both.
Please don’t think that I believe it is anyone else’s responsibility to make me feel comfortable for having made the decision to not partake. And very rarely does the topic even come up. Because even though I turned my drinking membership card in, I need to remember that it’s not necessary to be ashamed about admitting it when I need to. And no matter how I choose to unwind, I can definitely still relate to relaxing after a long day of momming! Except now there’s more “whine” than “wine” in my house.
CT Working Moms 
You’ve made the best and toughest decision for your life…it makes you strong and unique!
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Thank you for sharing this. I gave up alcohol quite by accident. My husband stopped drinking shortly after we met. I rarely indulged and found it easy to give up all drinks when we started trying for our first child. After pregnancy and nursing I found I couldn’t drink even if I wanted to; it made me exceptionally ill. I don’t miss it and neither does my husband, but we don’t judge those who do drink (responsibly).
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Thanks for the perspective. I am in the “joke about it more than actually do it” camp. The reality of it is that I just don’t have time. Sitting down and chilling with a glass of vino? what the eff is this “sitting down and chilling” thing? I’ll take a diet coke anytime. I need the caffeine to keep moving.
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As one of the wine-drinking-mommas I really appreciate hearing your perspective. Thank you for this.
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Ditto to this! Though personally, I’m a beer chugger. lol.
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I love my wine and also find myself joking about kicking back and drinking the day’s stress away… but the reality is that I only have maybe 2 glasses a month. Perhaps it’s the ‘idea’ of wine more than the wine itself? I dunno. I do know that I come from a family that tend to take their habits to the extreme, whether it be alcohol, nicotine, or other. Thankfully, I don’t appear to have inherited that trait, but it’s always in the back of my mind. Good for you for making a decision for the better and sticking to it. I’m sure your family has benefited from your strength!
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I love this Tara. I am guilty of joking about and associating motherhood and drinking far too frequently. The truth is, I’m not a big drinker and having loved ones who are alcoholics, this topic is always at the back of my mind. I really appreciate you putting this out there. #teamchocolatemilk
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I am not a big drinker and I don’t really like wine much. One year I actually made a New Year’s resolution to drink more. My wine drinking mamas really seem more relaxed and the idea of relaxing with a glass of wine sounds very appealing. But in actuality it just doesn’t do it for me.
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Tara I really enjoyed reading this and think it is so brave of you to talk about life as a sober mom. I relate to this entire thing from the lens of having an eating disorder. Thank you xoxo
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GOOD for you, my friend!! This is a hard thing to do! I do have a glass now and then, but to be honest, I just cannot find drinking more than a glass a couple of times a month “fun” at this point. I panic! Worry! We were at a wedding in upstate NY sans-kids, and I couldn’t let go of the feeling of “what if one of the boys got sick and grandma had to take them to the ER and I couldn’t drive to them and comfort them because I was DRUNK?!” It scares me! Any time you want to rock out with a cold chocolate milk, come on over 😉
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