Every time I get together with other moms, the first words out of our mouths are “I’m so tired.” I’m tired; they’re tired. It doesn’t matter if I see them on a playdate or at the soccer field or at Girl Scouts, we’re all just so tired. Sometimes we blame it on “what a long week” it’s been or other times maybe it’s “just that time of the year.” Tired is a badge we moms seem to wear with pride.
But for me? I’m not proud of being tired. Tired feels more like a curse. I am pushing myself to the limit each weekday with getting out of the house, being productive at work and managing to run the “dinner/homework/bedtime” gauntlet before collapsing on the couch. And once I get there, the list of things I’m ignoring runs through my head until I give up and go to bed.
I rush through the week to get to the golden prize: The Weekend! But even prizes come with taxes. Weekend activities are at least more fun, but there’s still a fair amount of running around and squeezing in as much family time as possible. If you’re anything like me, you save all the shitty fun stuff for Sundays. Grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning and laundry are tackled from sun up to sun down every Sunday. Day of rest, my ass! But those dishes aren’t going to wash themselves, as much as I willed them to the whole week prior.
I actually like being busy and get antsy if I sit still for too long. I enjoy the feeling of being “on-the-go.” I just wish it didn’t suck the life out of me. Remember when you were in your 20s and could stay up late and party with wild abandon and still get up and rock it the next day? Now, if I tried to do that I would probably die before midnight. That’s how I am with all the busy-ness of day-to-day motherhood. I used to be able to hack it. I greeted every day with the excitement of “what are we going to do today?!” and looked forward to going on all sorts of adventures with my daughter (at least on the weekends). Now, just dragging my ass out of bed on Saturday mornings for early soccer games is killing me.
Maybe it just has been “a long week” or it’s “just that time of year.” Maybe I’m not getting enough sleep or eating right. (Ok I’m definitely not doing that.) Maybe I’m getting too old for this crap. Whatever. I don’t want my daughter to feel like she’s dragging this bag of bones along with her. (This bag of bones who would rather be asleep on the couch. I’m just that tired.) And I especially don’t want her to feel like I’m gypping her out of a super fun childhood because Mommy needs a nap.
Short of canceling everything on the calendar and sucking down the Starbucks, how do I wake up and feel present again? (Or better yet, how do I feel like my 20-year old self again? HA!) I know, I know…Slowing down, saying “no” to over committing, eating healthy. All good things. Until I figure out what will work for me, I’ll keep pushing myself and dragging these weary bones along. And try to get to bed early tonight. (Baby steps, people.)