I remember when we first took home our newborn babies- each time, even with our second child, my husband and I were ready to bear down and assume the role of “Survival Mode.” The first few weeks, and pretty much months, of having a tiny baby to take care of, forces the entire family unit into Survival Mode- you do what you gotta do to keep everyone above water and even if you find yourself treading while swimming, you’re still breathing.
Here I am, 4 and a half years later, with two kids, aged 4 1/2 and 2, and I still feel like I’m in Survival Mode most of the time. If I’m not freaking out about someone on the verge of getting a cold, or getting car sick on a long drive, or making sure I have enough drinkable yogurt and straws to put in the lunch boxes, I’m just not living! I just want to keep my tiny humans smiling, happy, and generally not pulling toys or snacks out of each other’s hands- that’s all! And yet, I’m still in survival mode, trying to do whatever possible to maintain some sort of peace and order at home. Balancing all of this with working a full time job, training for half marathons, watching CSI reruns on Netflix, and throwing in a couple date nights in the mix translates to the constant Survival Mode state of mind.
Now of course there are moments of clarity and lucidity- these moments are more than fleeting, and are well-documented in photo albums on my iPhone, and cute video clips of Livvy singing “Happy Birthday Mouse!” to her stuffed animal, but damn if I still don’t feel like I’ll ever get out of that Survival Mode mentality! I wonder when I’ll get over that feeling. But yeah- life goals here- real time life goals.