What’s Harder – Dating as a Feminist or a Single Mom?


OH MY WORD LADIES. OH MY WORD. The dating scene is horrifying. Horrifying.

This month marks one year since my ex and I decided to go the divorce route. I wasn’t ready to date for a long time but relatively recently decided to put myself back out there again. I made myself an online dating profile and figured I’d just see where that goes. I’m not the type of person that has to always be in a relationship, I’m quite happy on my own, so I’m trying to have a casual feel to this whole thing.

When filling out my profile I decided to just be pretty open about who I am. I have listed that I’m a single mom and I also include info about what I do for a living – I work for women’s rights. I can honestly say that at this point, the working for women’s rights thing seems to scare men off way more than being a single mom. It’s like fucking crickets! I very rarely ever get messages.

I thought about maybe taking that out of my profile but I’m 34 years old and I’m not going to compromise myself. I remember when I was in my early 20’s and I was dating, I would play down what I do for fear of intimidating people. I told my ex when I first met him that I’m a public speaker because he was so cute and I liked him – I didn’t want to scare him away. If only I could tell my younger self just how ridiculous that was. But I know that I’m not the only woman who feels she has to do this. In fact a friend of mine is an elected official and when she started seriously dating she wouldn’t tell men what she does for this same reason! I just think it’s total bullshit that women feel we have to downplay our accomplishments, opinions and passions because it might intimidate men. Total. Bullshit. And I’m not doing it anymore.

If I do start seriously dating someone I want that person to think what I do is awesome. I want that person to be secure in who he is and to really see women as equals. I want him to value my opinions on political issues even if we disagree. So if that means that I hardly get any messages on online dating sites then so be it. I don’t think women, especially moms, should hide who we are. We should be loved for being our authentic selves and nothing less.

One thought on “What’s Harder – Dating as a Feminist or a Single Mom?

  1. Yes! Being a single mom and feminist are both very scary/threatening things to a lot of men, most of whom you don’t want to waste your time on. And I would add to that list…being successful. Also scary/threatening. At our age (which I say, as a 35 yr old single mom!), it’s not worth it hiding who you really are so that the kind of guys you’d never want to date anyway message you! In Spanish there’s a saying, “mejor sola que mal acompañada”, which means, “it’s better to be alone than in bad company”.


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