My April Un-Vacation


This past week I was on spring break from my job as a school psychologist.  It was a week I had looked forward to with great anticipation since I started back at work a month ago.  I think it was my first evening of “freedom” when it dawned on me – having two kids sucks the “vacation” right out of my April vacation.  I was actually facing a more difficult week than it would have been if I was working.  Oh how I long for those pre-kid days at times like these…


Pre-kids: Go to the gym multiple times during those lovely off-peak hours.

Post-kids: Work up a serious sweat pushing 45 pounds of kids down the busted Norwalk sidewalks in our boat of a double stroller.  Stop every ten steps to adjust baby’s sun visor and so my 2-year-old can get in/out, pick up a rock, or shout, “Look at that man!” at a neighbor.


Pre-kids: Surprise my husband with a delicious, healthy recipe that I slaved over.

Post-kids: Extra fancy dinosaur-shaped chicken nuggets for everyone!  Decide not to make anyone eat broccoli because it’s vacation, dammit!


Pre-kids: Visit a friend in some fun city, like Boston or NYC.

Post-kids: Schlep my kids over to a friend’s house two streets over.  Eat cheese and talk about babies until my 2-year-old scribbles all over the living room wall in red crayon.  Rush home and start looking at real estate because clearly now I have to move.


Pre-kids: Ceremoniously turn off my work alarm with a feeling of great satisfaction and a smug look on my face, thinking about how late I’m going to sleep all week.

Post-kids: Completely forget to turn off any of my three alarms (one at the time I would ideally get up, one at the time that I usually get up, and one at the latest time I can possibly get up, appear human, and make it to work at a time that won’t get me fired).  It doesn’t matter because when the first one goes off Monday morning, I’m already up feeding my 3-month-old.


Pre-kids: Treat myself to a pedi.

Post-kids: Avoid wearing sandals due to hobbit feet.


Pre-kids: Binge-watch a favorite tv show.

Post-kids: Watch the Daniel Tiger “cleaning up” episode 53 times, have that mother-effing song stuck in my head for the entire week.  Marvel at the fact that my 2-year-old still won’t clean up a damn thing.


Pre-kids: Shopping spree!!

Post-kids: Manage to get 45 minutes to myself in Banana Republic.  Leave the dressing room with a heap of rejects and worse self-esteem than when I went in.  Buy one pair of 60% off stretchy mom jeans in a size I don’t want to be and wear them for the next 10 days in a row.


Pre-kids: Drink wine every day. Hey, I’ve got nowhere to be!

Post-kids: Drink wine every day. Hey, I’ve got two kids!


Pre-kids: Take lots of naps.

Post-kids: Devote each day to getting each kid to sleep, though am never successful in getting them to go down at the same time.  Take zero naps.


Pre-kids: Mope around on my last day of vacation, dread going back to work Monday.

Post-kids: Mope around on my last day of vacation, annoyed that I still have to get through another whole day before I get to shower, wear real clothes, and eat a hot meal by myself.


I’ll admit, it was not a horrible week.  I saw some friends and had some fun outings with my little ones.  I am definitely more tired than I normally would be at the start of the work week, but at least if my sanity isn’t intact, my sense of humor is!  To my fellow moms who were also home with a kid or three last week, happy first day back to work!


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3 thoughts on “My April Un-Vacation

  1. This is hilarious. Recently my husband, a baseball fan, told me it was MBL Opening Day, which prompted a flashback to five years ago. We had one kid, and I worked part-time. I surprised him with a homemade Opening Day cake! A cake. That I made on a random Tuesday afternoon while my baby napped! With frosting that I made myself, and a little baseball diamond with plastic outfielders. Let’s just say things have changed…


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