With just 10 days left until Baby M arrives, I’ve been reflecting the past few weeks on this pregnancy and how it has changed me. Between the feelings of excitement, nervousness and sadness (this will be our last), I sit back during those nights where I can’t sleep and think about the journey of pregnancy.
I remember being just a few weeks pregnant and feeling great. I was going for long walks on the weekends and working out at the gym. However, that all quickly changed when I began to experience morning sickness. Just a month or two after that, I began to have a rapid, pounding heart rate, followed by high cortisol levels, gestational diabetes and a breeched baby. Towards the end of my second trimester walking became difficult, with a good amount of pressure coupled with dizziness. I remember thinking, “what happened to the perfect pregnancy I had planned for?” I quickly realized that there is no such thing as the perfect pregnancy, because pregnancy is the one time in your life where you really can’t control how you are feeling and doing. Letting go of the “perfect pregnancy” was an emotional journey for me, but one I am so happy I went through.
This pregnancy has taught me patience, tolerance and to just let things go that are out of my control. Regarding the diabetes, I was devastated and felt like I failed and my baby was paying for it. However, in reality, it was out of my control – it was something chemically happening that I couldn’t fix or change. I think at that point in time, I realized I needed to learn some patience or the next few months were going to be impossible for me.
My OBGYN in fact, said this week, “I can’t believe how mellow you are this pregnancy.” My response was, “everything is out of my control – and that is OK, because being in control 24/7 is an exhausting experience.”
With 10 days left until Baby M arrives, I give this advice to pregnant moms out there. Please do not be hard on yourself, when you feel the need to be in control, do something special for yourself and remember “this experience will not last forever.” Also, the most “freeing” experience you can have this pregnancy is knowing that it is OK to just let it go. When I realized I could, I felt empowered, relieved and just an overall happier person.