Dear Rude Complementary Lady

Hi, my name is Wilder. Do I have a sign on my head that gives you permission to talk about my body? I do not know you, and you do not know me. We had a quick exchange at a fundraiser, but only because your friend was being a B, and felt the need to talk down to my friends and I about us apparently taking the table she had reserved.

You then proceeded to tell me how beautiful I was, and then ask if I was pregnant. Nope. Not even close. But I did just have a baby a few weeks ago. A few being 12, which honestly is not that long ago. It was like yesterday actually. I don’t know why because your friend was being a total B, that you then felt it necessary to divert the attention to me, and my post-pregnancy, apparently pregnant looking body.

Do you know how long I looked for a dress today that I would feel comfortable wearing? For the exact reason you noticed, I really did not want to wear a fitted dress. But I couldn’t find anything else I liked, and everything I own cuts me in the gut funny. My husband told me I looked great, and that everyone knows I just had a baby and will think I look great too.

Why do I even care that I look apparently pregnant? Pregnancy is a beautiful thing. Your body grows and changes to meet the necessary needs of the beautiful and amazing child you are about to meet. It’s really extraordinary what your body does if you sit and think of it. Yet I felt so offended that’s how I looked.

There is a negative connotation to the post-pregnancy body in many circles. The media and social networking sites show these women who gave birth 5 minutes ago and are back to their pre-pregnancy skinny bodies. For some reason the rest of us feel ashamed that isn’t us.

With Mother’s Day on the horizon, body image really has me thinking about my accomplishments and positive strengths as a mom. Do either of my sons give a shit about the way my stomach looks right now? Or will they ever? NOPE. I’m pretty sure they will love the mom that I am to them for the way I protect and advocate for them, for how I give them a million kisses and I love you’s every single day, that I give them a good life and teach them to be good, fun-loving little people, and want them to know that every person in this world is special for their own unique ways that has¬†absolutely nothing to do with the way their bodies look.

So, to the rude complementary lady, no, I am not pregnant, but I do have two beautiful little boys that changed the way I look and even feel about my body sometimes. Maybe next time stick with the “you look beautiful” and nix the question to follow, because you really just don’t know how that may make a woman feel.


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