I’m reading a book called “The Places That Scare You.” A friend gave it to me, knowing I was going through some changes in my life.
In it, Pema Chondron teaches: We can let the circumstances of our lives harden us and make us increasingly resentful and afraid, or we can let them soften us and make us kinder.
I’ve recently had some “circumstances” in my own life that have threatened to harden me and certainly scare me.
Scary Place #1
Life as a Single Mom
I got divorced last week. It was the right decision. But I’m scared. Not of being alone, but being able to hold everything together for my boys.
Scary Place #2
Training for a Half Marathon
I started training for a Half Marathon last spring. I got injured on one of my long runs and was unable to run for 11 weeks. I missed the Half Marathon. I was so disappointed for setting a goal for myself and not attaining it. So, two days ago, I signed up for another Half Marathon and am going to attempt for the second time to reach my goal. I’m scared of getting injured again, I’m scared of not having the time to train properly, of not being able to finish. I’m scared of failing.
Scary Place #3
My Boys Growing Up
Last night, my older son and I were playing with Legos. We were putting together a fire truck, when he said, “Mom, I don’t need you.” That innocent statement felt like a punch in the gut. Because there was so much truth to it. He turned five and graduated Pre-K last week. He’ll start kindergarten in the fall. My younger son, my “baby,” is running around and playing outside unassisted. Every day they need me less and less. As much as I love seeing them become independent, it also makes me sad. I worry about them so much. I want to protect them and keep them cradled safe in my arms forever. But every day they get further away from my outstretched arms. My arms are increasingly empty. And that scares me.
I’m hoping to move forward and navigate these circumstances in spite of my fear.
I hope to conquer my Scary Places so they are no longer filled with the unknown and they loosen their suffocating grip on me.
I hope to be brave,
But I’m scared.
3 thoughts on “My Scary Places”
First, I LOVE Pema and all her quotes so it thrilled me to see you quoted her here. Second, I totally understand why all of these things are scary. But you are NOT alone, you are never alone. There are so many of us here supporting you and cheering you on. And I’m one of your biggest fans.
Just remember with change comes new exciting things…your boys getting older new challenges they will need you for, single life is a new quest for a partner after you have grown and have a different sense of what you need and the half marathon: Make it your bitch momma!!!!
“I knew that if I allowed fear to overtake me, my journey was doomed. Fear, to a great extent, is born of a story we tell ourselves, and so I chose to tell myself a different story.” ~ Cheryl Strayed
Rewrite your story, and keep rewriting it as many times as you need to. That is how the final version will turn out to be unpredictably unique.
You’ve got this!