What I Do When My Kids Aren’t Around

4 comments

Last weekend my boys were with their dad.  It wasn’t like it was a surprise.  It happens every other weekend.  But I’m struggling with it much more than I thought I would.  I sat on my girlfriend’s couch Friday night, woefully lamenting how difficult it was for me and how I wanted to call them every few minutes.

 

The next day I sent her this text:text

“Write a blog”

 

Ok, Nicole.  Here’s my blog:

 

I don’t like weekends without my boys.

 

I miss them.

 

Horribly.

 

I don’t know what to do with myself.

 

So I do a lot of pacing.

…………A lot of clock-watching.

………………..A lot of cleaning.

…………………………Some grocery shopping.

…………………………………Some Facebook stalking browsing.

………………………………………..Some more pacing.

 

See, I’m used to being constantly occupied with my kids.  They’re 2 ½ and 5 years old.  They require a lot of attention.  So when I have free time on my hands, I literally DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO.  I mean, the concept of “free-time” is cool, right?  I can do anything!!  I can sleep in!  Stay up late! Take a nap!  Read a book!  ANYTHING!  But the reality is far less attractive.  I don’t sleep in, stay up late, nap, or read a book.  The hours drag.  I look forward to going to sleep just so the day can end.

 

Being an introvert – yes, I’m a total introvert – people who don’t know me well swear I’m an extrovert, but I’m not.  I’m just a social introvert.  A topic for another blog.  Maybe my next free weekend.  But I digress.  Being an introvert, ALONE TIME is a cherished thing.  A necessity.  Something we need to recharge and reconnect with ourselves.  My fellow introverts, I know you feel me on this.  So when I first realized I would get precious ALONE TIME every other weekend, it was a little exciting.  But when my first ALONE weekend came, it wasn’t as glorious as I was hoping.  In fact, it wasn’t glorious at all.

 

It was lonely.

 

And quiet.

 

And sad.

 

And really quiet.

 

But…but…I’m an introvert!  I LIKE quiet.  I LONG for quiet.  I NEED quiet.  So, what the heck?!   Why was I having such a hard time with something that should be a wonderful treat to me?

 

This is why.

 

For over five years, the crazy, hectic, LOUD existence has become my norm. Waking up to little voices yelling, “Mommyyyy” at 5:47am was normal.  Chasing after two crazy humans, picking up Legos and matchbox cars along the way, scooping up babies, holding hands, wiping butts, breaking up fights, two children hanging on me at once, pulling on me, following me everywhere – -that was my normal.  Starting at 5:47 in the morning, I never sat down.  There was no down time, no breaks.

 

But what about my treasured alone time?

 

Here’s the thing.  You see, my boys are a part of me.  They are me.  When I need to escape from people, from the public, from society, I still need them.

 

I need them.

 

Being apart from them hurts my heart more than I ever imagined it could.  People say I’ll get used to it.  Maybe I will.  Who knows, maybe I will sleep in one of those weekends, read a book, and take a nap.  But not yet.  The quiet still screams at me incessantly, reminding me of their absence.   The empty couch is not yet inviting.  My books are untouched as I watch the minute hand of the clock…tick…forward…in…slow motion…the echo reverberating through my silent rooms.

lonely

 

 

 

 

feature image

last pic

 

4 comments on “What I Do When My Kids Aren’t Around”

  1. Thank you for your post. I have been in your shoes and felt exactly the same way. The first few weekends were really hard, then a few crazy ones, and then the real ones came into play.
    I would set myself up to clean the house, complete all my shopping, maybe eat out, meet up with a friend, pay bills, read emails, etc. whatever was on my to-do-list was fair game. Getting things done would make the time pass and set me up to be less stressed and frantic when my kids came home. I could sort closets without them crying about things I was taking. Take the time to use my coupons at the grocery store. and watch that movie on my DVR for the last 6 months.
    It was never easy and i did call them sometimes. But I did my best to use the time to recharge, get things done, and help me be better when they were home.
    I hope this helps you. You are not alone in your feelings.

    1. Thank you so much for this Angela. I hope to get to the point where I am able to use my free weekends productively! And thank you for letting me know I’m not alone. That helps more than you know.

  2. I loved every word of this post. So honest, so raw. Helped put things into perspective for me (for us all). Sometimes I let my wander and think how much I could get done if I had a couple hours of quiet, but I think ultimately I’d feel much like you. Thank you for sharing. You are inspiring.

Share Some Comment Love

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s