Confessions of a Working Mother: I’m a Fake

It’s time to confess. Although I try to be self-aware and grow with experience, it is a hard task to own up to our flaws or areas that could use improvement. In thinking about my routines and choices, it’s clear to me they are all efforts to just keep up. Upon this reflection I discovered that in the most basic categories of LIFE, I just fake it until I make it….

1) Sleep: I don’t sleep enough. For almost a year now I have had the wonderful opportunity to work part time from home. I go into the office or court as needed, which is usually a couple of times per week. But I also largely do my work from home. Naturally, I use as little childcare as possible and end up staying up late (past midnight) and getting up early (I set 3 alarms, all before 5am). Since my youngest 3 kids are still 3 and under, I also am up with someone or another every night…as I have been since 2010. Literally. To me this is worth it…but I know it’s not a great choice and most people would balance out childcare differently. Luckily for me I love coffee, lattes and eye make-up – all of which brighten my appearance. Faker.
2)  Disposition: I’m not calm, just tired. (See Confession #1). So many looks of wonder at my calm demeanor. I’m patient in order to keep meltdowns at bay. I’m kind since my five cherubs watch my every move. But I also yell and scream and have sent myself to my room. Generally I’m not that calm…I’m faking it because I’m tired and have ulterior motives.
3) Punctuality: I have none. I’m always late. I have been late all my life. As a child my parents even left me behind because I took too long. Having children actually improved my ability to get myself ready at extraordinary rates. But now that the focus is on my kids first, I’m last. I cannot quite seem to account for the right amount time needed. How do I fake punctuality? I walk in confidently, with purpose, with a smile and I throw my five kids under the bus. Truthfully, I am mortified and hate myself for always being late.
4) Health: In general I’m very blessed with good health. I take advantage of this and I don’t eat real food. I get my nutrition from supplements and health shakes. I suppose the shakes are not “fake” food…but since my healthiest meal is chocolate flavored, it’s not exactly from nature.
5) Fitness: Here’s my darkest secret…I almost didn’t share this one. I did work to lose weight after my pregnancies. I’m happy with my size and weight after 5 kids. But it’s lies…all lies. I workout twice a week on a GOOD week. Currently that has not happened since the first week of December. It’s all about the Spanx. I Spanx it up big time and I love it.

*BONUS Confession. This works for me and have no aspirations to change a thing. I feel fan-spanxing-tastic.

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