Spray Tan, Hot Damn!

I am pasty. I am talking skin as white as snow or Elmer’s glue pasty. With such fair skin comes the inability to tan. I usually go from a ghost like complexion, to red as an apple, and then right back to skin as white as Fluffernutter. I have come to accept this as my reality, and quite honestly haven’t felt too much of a need to do anything about it for the past 29 years. I will admit that it does sting a bit when EVERY summer at least one friend or family member makes a comment about the fact that my legs are “so white they could blind someone,” but it would not be summer without hearing that witty little quip so I just laugh it off and move on.

My pasty skin and I have been in several weddings together. Always the bridesmaid, never the bride, but that’s another story. I haven’t really felt the need to tan for the weddings, but when looking back on pictures it is hard to miss the fact that my glowing legs basically look like homing beacons compared to everyone else’s. I was getting ready to be in my 5th wedding and my charming father decided to ask, “are you actually going to get a tan for this one?” Now, everyone who lives in CT knows that we have barely seen the sun in months, and I was not about to get into a tanning bed, so I decided that perhaps it was worth looking into a spray tan.

I asked friends about spray tans and whether or not they would actually work. Would I look good or like an Oompa Loompa? After a lot of quality advice I decided that the spray tan was a go. Rather than chancing an uneven tan from a booth I decided that I was going to go big or go home and get spray tanned by a person. When I got into the tiny room where the girl was going to spray me down she told me to take off as much as I felt comfortable removing. After a hot second I decided that I needed to just live large and take off everything but my boy short undies. If I was doing this I was not about to have tan lines on my chest. I mentally prepared for the most uncomfortable few minutes of my life to occur, but you know what? It wasn’t that bad! The girl spraying me was fantastic, and it turns out she’d seen so many lady bits while doing her job that mine didn’t even faze her. Once the tan was on I went home and waited for the recommended 12 hours before washing it off.

Those 12 hours were extremely anxiety inducing. What was I going to look like when I rinsed the tanning solution off? Was I going to look like a hot mess in the wedding? Did I seriously just spend 47 dollars on this? After hour 12 I hopped in the shower, got out, looked in the mirror, and….I looked super hot! I couldn’t believe how good I looked with a tan. My life had been changed. Who knew that a spray tan could give a person such a confidence boost? I went directly to CVS and got myself some makeup to match my glowing new skin tone.

For the next 48 hours I rocked that tan hard. I got more compliments than I have gotten in months. I felt so good in my dress for the rehearsal dinner and the wedding. I was called gorgeous and stunning. Yes, me, stunning.  Who would ever have believed I could be stunning?! I truly felt like a million dollars and had the time of my life at the wedding. After the amazing high from the wedding wore off the sad reality sunk in that in just a couple days my tan would be gone. I would go back to being plain ol’ me again.

Those days came and went and as I write this I am back to Fluffernutter. I went out in the sun today and had to apply my SPF 50. Don’t look at my legs, they might blind you. Honestly, I am totally ok with the fact that the tan has faded. I enjoyed feeling fancy for awhile, but I like my translucent self just fine. With that being said, I highly recommend that everyone who has ever even slightly considered getting a spray tan go out and do it. You might just be called stunning, but chances are you already look pretty damn good just the way you are!

2 thoughts on “Spray Tan, Hot Damn!

  1. Nick, it must’ve felt amazing to live like a super model for a couple of days. Everyone can use a confidence booster now and then! But remember the story of the little girl who thought she could dance like a ballerina because she had her grandmother’s ribbon in her pocket? Turned out she could dance anyway when she discovered it wasn’t in her pocket after all… don’t cut yourself short honey ~ there’s a gorgeous girl inside of you all the time. 💜💙❤️💚


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