It can really suck.

As a lesbian couple, we can’t grow our family without someone else, whether it’s for getting pregnant or adopting or anything else.

For us, trying to conceive again means driving two hours each way multiple times a week to our sperm donor’s house. With our one-year-old.

It means needing to talk about our feelings with the donor and his wife and with each other in ways we never wanted to.

It means giving up our privacy.

It means a lot of awkwardness.

It means giving up plans we want to do for making the trip to do another insemination.

It means questioning how bad you really want another kid.

It means feeling smaller because you completely depend on someone else.

It means wanting to cry over something that should be romantic and happy and exciting.