For the majority of my adult life one of my major pet peeves has been people who constantly worry about their food consumption. I have been a big proponent of eating whatever made me happy in the moment for basically ever. I never understood why people could not eat at certain restaurants and why they would constantly talk about the nutritional value of everything that they were considering putting into their body. I am now that person that used to drive me crazy, and quite honestly, I don’t know how to feel about it.

I went to the casino the other night with my friend instead of play online slots at home. We were looking to get dinner before the comedy show we were seeing, and she asked what I wanted. I immediately responded with, “I need to go somewhere that I can get a salad with grilled chicken.” As the words spilled out of my mouth I couldn’t help but wonder who I had become. We had to look at about five different places before we could find somewhere that I could eat. When it was time to order I had to ask the waitress to take a bunch of items off of the salad and to replace the dressing with oil and vinegar. I used to hate when people altered their food choice until it was basically something completely different, but there I was being that guy.

A couple of days later I decided I would go to opening night of roller derby to watch some of my old leaguemates play. Guess what I brought with me. A freakin’ lunchbox with plan approved snacks, bottled water, and a couple pieces of gum just in case I had a severe craving. No more beer and pizza while I screamed my brains out as the players knocked each other to the ground. I had my low carb bar and water so that was basically the same thing, right?

I ended up getting sick shortly after that. My throat was burning like whoa and I wanted a cough drop. Instead of just allowing myself to put a cough drop into my mouth to experience some relief, do you know what I did? I did a Google search to see how many carbs were in a cough drop. Can you believe that a regular ol’ cough drop can have 3 or 4 carbs in it?! I couldn’t believe it either. So rather than doing myself a solid and experiencing the lemon honey goodness of a Halls I popped some cold meds and hoped for the best.

I honestly have completely mixed feelings about this “new me.” I am happy that I am making healthier choices, and proud of the will power I have somehow accrued, but sad that so much of my life needs to be spent thinking about when and what I can eat. I liked being able to go out anywhere I wanted when I wanted and being able to order something directly as is off of the menu. I liked popping 75 cough drops a day until the burning in my throat subsided. I enjoyed my beer and pizza. At the end of the day, however, I know the fact that I just recently got the lowest blood pressure reading I have pretty much ever had, the most normal period I have ever had, and the fact that I have basically no anxiety since starting this plan tells me that I am doing something right for my body. Life needs to be a balance, and I am still struggling to find out what that means for me. I went from having no control to almost having too much, and I am working on finding a middle ground.

As for my friends who only eat at certain restaurants and constantly talk about the nutritional value of everything you are putting into your body, I see you. I now understand you, at least somewhat, and I say you do you. We all have to do what makes us happy. I will do my best to judge you, and myself, less because at the end of the day, we’re just trying to do right by this vessel that we live in.