I do not often actively seek help. Sure, “Jerry can you grab this,” and “Lucy can you do Mommy a favor and…” or “sure, Mom, I’d love you to come over so I can squeak out a quick grocery shop” are phrases I often say, but asking for real, long-term, hearty help is something I am often uncomfortable with.
But, then I found myself fallen from a treadmill at 9:45 at night with bruised and battered legs. “Jerry, HELP!”
See, since it was my choice to have three kids, I don’t like to burden anyone with my “woes.” Also, since it was my choice to stay out of work until the next school year I don’t want to bother anyone with my to-do list. I have always wanted to be a stay-at-home mom. They figure it out and I can too.
I am, too – I promise. It is just that there is not a lot of time for me throughout the day. Most days, there is not any daylight at all actually. It is important for me to workout so on some days that ends up being at night. When everything is quiet and no one needs me, I’ll run on the treadmill or do a workout video. I’ll plug a podcast in and transport myself into my past life – the life where I could workout for hours with not a care in the world.
Perhaps, that is why last week I was mid-stride when I tripped or bumbled or something. I lost my balance and the treadmill carried me all the way backwards to the wall. I was wedged between the moving belt and concrete and I was not sure if my legs were broken in pieces or whole. I was disoriented, nervous and scared.
After scaring my husband half to death it turns out that my physical being was fine, my ego completely depleted.
Maybe working out at 10 actually is not a good idea. Perhaps, actually, it’s dangerous (for me). I do need the release, but I also really need my body to do the physical labor of motherhood. Figuring out a schedule that matches well with toddlers and nursing an infant is a struggle, but it is doable.
Asking my husband for help in that moment was easy. I do not plan to scream for help from my family, friends and neighbors, but maybe I should.