If I Knew

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If I knew these things, would I have signed up to be a mother?

If I knew that I would have moments (days, weeks…) that I felt to the core of my being that I was failing my children…

If I knew that nothing in my house or car would ever be clean – truly clean – again…

If I knew that co-parenting would push my marriage nearly to the point of collapse…

If I knew that I would sob in the office bathroom over missing my child’s spring concert, only to wipe away my tears, touch up my lipstick, and head to that “can’t miss” meeting…

If I knew that I would gain 40lbs from stress and always putting myself last…

If I knew that I’d be forced to make small talk through 6789276 birthday parties for my kids’ classmates…

If I knew there would be times when I would go *a while* without being intimate with my spouse…

If I knew that I would not sleep through the night for three straight years and would come to learn that exhaustion is physically painful…

If I knew that I’d have to pack away the freedom and spontaneity I once valued so highly in favor of daily routines and sports schedules…

If I knew that parenting would repeatedly trigger my every anxiety and insecurity…

If I knew how incredibly hard and life-altering parenthood was before I got myself into it, would I do it all over again?

Yes.

Hell. Yes.

For that full contented feeling when we are all cuddled up on the couch. For the giggles and the full body hugs. For the adventures and challenges. For the ‘I love you”s. For the warm breath on my neck when they’ve fallen asleep in my arms. For the pride, the joy, the way they make me better, and the million other incredible things that are even harder to put into words than the tough stuff.

As hard as motherhood is, it is WORTH IT. And that’s why we keep showing up to this wild and wonderful ride.

3 comments on “If I Knew”

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