Damn Am I Grateful

As a mom, I can get caught up in the hustle and bustle of managing all of the things, and not pay attention to the really important things.

I am fortunate to be coming off of two months “work-free” spent at home with my two boys. Do not get me wrong, you can be fortunate and have your head spinning at the same time. There were lots, and lots of moments of frustration, tears, annoyance, and boredom for all three of us. Moments that I could not wait for them to go to their dad’s house so I did not have to talk to anyone, I could get a workout in alone, read, sleep, or just do whatever.

Those of you that stay home with your kids full-time/year round…high fives, pats on the back, you are a bad ass. Seriously. Mommin’ aint’ easy, that is for damn sure. With that said, I do realize how fortunate I am to have the freedom of summers off from my paid job (which I did work my butt off to get to).

Now that I am back to work at a new school (see last post by me), I feel like I jumped right back into just getting through the day. Wake, get kids ready, (workout when they are not with me), get them off to school, go to work, pick kids up (sometimes after I get a workout in), make dinner, try and entertain and interact with the boys, get them ready for bed, try to get them to actually go to sleep, make lunches, and have some down time to myself. Phew. I am actually exhausted just from reading that.

Tonight I had a little moment of clarity, a moment of overpowering gratitude.

I started the bedtime routine at 7:30pm. It was not until 8:22pm that I was walking out of their room. This would usually be giving me anxiety through the roof. I would be angry they were not falling asleep and were cutting into my time. I would normally be texting their dad just continuing my own frustration by complaining that my little guy won’t sleep. And I would usually allow these feelings to ruin the rest of my night.

But tonight that did not happen. After I finished reading to them about the Solar System, my older son asked me if I would lay in bed with him. I immediately responded with “of course,” and he fell asleep with my arm around him 1 minute later. I just stared at him, rubbing his back, thinking about what a wonderful young man he is. I had just witnessed him being so kind to our five year old neighbor, and sat there for a moment smiling about how his father and I have taught him that.

Moments later my little one asked if I would now lay with him, and of course I did. I could not help but think about how these moments will not last forever. There will be a day where I no longer get those extra tender moments with them before they fall asleep. How lucky am I that they want me to be the last thing they see when they close their eyes. Damn, am I grateful to be a mom.

Photo by Wilder ZandonellaIMG-0474 (1)Photo owned by Wilder Zandonella

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