I can be an intensely private person with an overwhelming number of stressors to juggle. Sometimes its easier for me to gloss over my life in conversation with others than to try and find the words to describe the convoluted web I find myself in.
If you found yourself nodding or otherwise relating to the above, this one’s for you.
The other night I was out to dinner with 3 of my favorite friends. These are strong, compassionate women whom I’ve allowed to glimpse behind the curtain and always meet me with non-judgement and a healthy dose of sarcasm. I wouldn’t have it any other way. We were 2 glasses of wine in and had covered everything from back to school shopping to porn when I share, “Sometimes I get so mad at my kid that I can’t even look him in the eye.”
I don’t think they realized that, to me, this felt like a deep and potentially unforgivable confession. Its something that I’ve been beating myself up about for months (years?) and felt Catholic-level guilt over. I wasn’t sure how they’d respond, but I certainly wasn’t expecting, “Me too.” or “Yup. I know exactly what you mean.” The nodding heads around the table floored me. These are good moms with typical kids and they’ve been there too?!
The conversation quickly swept along, but that moment has replayed itself in my mind many times. Yet again I’m reminded about the power of transparency and the bold willingness to let it all hang out. This life can be brutally hard, but bearable when we create the space for others to let us know that we aren’t alone.