Have you ever paused to see the parallels about yourself?
Often times, the physical state of my house is in alignment with the internal emotional state within my mind and my body. When my house is in disarray, I can often pause and do a “check-in” with myself to see how I am feeling. The answer is almost always that something within me feels off. I have gotten to know myself pretty well now, being that I truthfully enjoy introspection and analyzing why I do things.
The opposite is also true. When my house feels organized, tidy and clean, I generally am also feeling really grounded.
I have been avoiding folding and putting away clean laundry in my house for WEEKS. And by weeks I think I can admit quite literally that means there are still summer clothes in one of my piles. I have continued to add to it, take what I need, put some away, and on and on. The pile improves, it takes steps back, it looks new and different, and back to a mess again.
In the years following my divorce, I have continued to work on my self and my place in the world as a divorced mom. There have been so many ups, downs, so many lessons, so many mistakes, moments of feeling like an awful person, moments of feeling like a rock star, feeling like a failure, feeling super proud and so on.
Interestingly, over the last several months I have found myself in yet another transformation phase in my life (perhaps a future post) that has been keeping me in a complete place of consciousness. I have been fully aware of my actions and decisions, how things make me feel, and how I influence others. I feel kinder, softer, more accepting of myself and others, free of judgement, more confident, healthier, more focused at careering and better at momming.
This makes my piles of laundry not feel so awful. It makes me accept that my laundry is like my life; its an ebb and flow. It will get better, it may have days of not looking so great, but all those clothes have a place in my closet. It is just a matter of when they will get there. What a beautiful process this all is. Just like all the colors of my clothes scattered everywhere.
This may be the strangest and shortest post that I have shared, but it makes sense to me.
Photograph by Wilder Zandonella