My Wife Came Out as Transgender

I’ve been married since 2009 and we have amazing twin 10-year-old boys. While our marriage has always been full of love, it’s not one that I would say has been “easy.” In the end, the preservation of our marriage and family has always been at the forefront of decisions we make. I really enjoy the person I married. I love and am in love with her and vice versa.

In 2019, my then husband approached me about being transgender. We tried going different routes that wouldn’t disrupt our family or life too much. We both spent much of quarantine in therapy, separately and together. We tried her living as non-binary but all that did was make life even more unbearable for my wife.

In October 2021, Brynn officially came out to me as transgender.

Through therapy, I had already come to accept this as the only option that was on the horizon.

I did not want for her what so many trans people experience in trying to live a life that isn’t authentic or true to themselves. We lose too many trans folks to suicide and I wasn’t going to let that happen.

I worked hard on myself and my own biases, my own preconceived notions of what being trans means and mostly, I worked on not caring what other people think of me and us. I’m more concerned with the well-being, mental and physical health of my wife and our kids.

We have the best kids ever. Brynn and I discussed how we were going to tell them. When, what, every aspect of that interaction was picked apart. Every possible outcome was examined. For Brynn, telling our kids was just as nerve wracking as telling me.

Our kids have adapted and welcomed their “other” mom with open hearts and minds from day one. She is and will always be their parent and they thrive seeing her happy. We are honest with them and answer any questions they have in the most age-appropriate ways we can. We built a support network around them that includes grandparents, aunts and uncles, teachers, and their friends’ parents so they can always talk to someone if they don’t want to talk to us.

Brynn came out to close family and friends throughout the end of last year and came out publicly on December 31, 2021. She started 2022 as herself and hasn’t looked back.

We’ve had a few not great experiences with reactions, but for the most part people have been open and supportive. I can honestly say, while this journey has had its varied ups and downs, it is so nice to see my wife shine. It is so uplifting to see her come into her own, love herself, be proud of who she is.

She is happier. She smiles more (most people didn’t know she has dimples that come out when she has a real smile). She is enjoying her life now.

And so am I.

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